2023-11-05 05:47:09
Fear is a common character in our lives. We all – with exceptions – are afraid of something. Big fears, small fears, little fears and even terrors become intruders in our daily lives.
Fears shape our lives: actions that do not take place due to fear, caresses that do not appear due to fear, conversations that remain silent due to fear, projects that do not see the light due to fear, horizons that we do not see due to fear, decisions that do not we take it out of fear. Our own fears, fears that we inherit, ancestral fears and new fears that assail us.
What role does fear play in the movie of your life?
What episodes is he the protagonist of?
In which ones is the secondary character?
When does it appear?
What event from the past determines that this fear continues in you today?
Attention! Remember that fear “does not have you”; It is you who is afraid. Do you understand the difference?
We always live in the present state and forget that we are no longer the same as we were then nor do we live in that time that has already passed. Let us keep in mind that if we change, our perception of the triggers that generated that fear also changes, in fact, the triggers also change.
The elevators of yesteryear are no longer the same as the latest generation, we learned that most domestic animals are harmless, that storms are part of nature and that there are more sophisticated lightning rods. Getting out of the automatic mode and giving ourselves a pause to reflect on what makes us afraid is one of the many resources we have for managing fear.
Fear happens in the present, I feel it now in my emotion and in my body, but it always refers to the future… The fear I feel now is for something that I think may happen later. The feeling of fear tightens our belly, our breathing accelerates, our circulation accelerates and, although it is in the now that situations are “presented” to us, the threat looks at us from the future. The present is not fearful, it is only livable, fear always appears because of what we believe – without certainty – can happen. We never fear the past – it has already happened – although perhaps – as we already said – we may fear that something will be repeated, but this places our fear back in the future.
And then, what is the key to risk-takers? What is the difference between someone who practices the extreme sport bungee jumping (jumping into the void from a great height supported by just a few ropes) and someone who would not do it even from 30 centimeters high?
At this moment in your life, who do you feel closest to? The extreme athlete or the 30 centimeter athlete? Neither of them knows what will happen next. Surely the first is focused on the best that can happen and the second, on the worst that can happen. Both conjectures are possible, more or less probable, but equally uncertain.
If we take into account that fear always looks at us from the future and that the future does not yet know us, we conclude that one of the most frequent fears – although not very conscious – is of the unknown.
Faced with what we do not know, fear can appear as a response, and that is because, not knowing what it is regarding, we put on the threat suit. Fear arises there, but – be careful – it is not the only possible suit, we can also disguise it as a possibility and, in that case, the emotion might change from fear to curiosity. Maybe something similar to what our bungee jumper feels!
For fear to arise it is necessary that we interpret something as a threat. Therefore, the primary question when faced with the sensation of fear is: what am I afraid of?
Identifying the threat allows us to challenge it, see it at its right size and check if it is real and current or if it is formed largely by our imagination. It is like when we are afraid to enter a dark room – we sense threats, but we do not see them and when we do not see them we imagine them to be tremendous -, just by turning on the light and observing we fully realize what there is, that that shadow that It looked like a ghost, it’s just a curtain that moves with the wind. The same thing happens in our daily lives when we can stop to examine what the threat that generates fear in us consists of.
Identifying it allows us to check what our resources are to face it. When it is possible to see it and enhance it, the future becomes passable to take the first step that dissolves the limit imposed by fear.
One of the keys to fear management is to focus on how we stand in the face of what we interpret as a threat (…)
When we interpret the threat as enormous, we feel increasingly smaller and powerless, then the fear becomes greater; When we are able to lower its intensity, the power returns to us and the fear subsides. When we find resources that safeguard us from this possible threat, we regain self-confidence, the main antidote to fear. (…)
*Author of Getting Out of Fears, El Ateneo publishing house. (Fragment).
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