Picture it. You’re at a lively bar, surrounded by a mix of friendly faces—whether they’re strangers, old friends, or a group of college pals. Then, suddenly… it happens. You’re completely out of words. The vibrant energy of the conversation takes a nosedive, and you find yourself just… standing there. An awkward silence descends, enveloping everyone, as if a thick fog has rolled in, and no one seems equipped to resurrect the banter.
This particular form of silence recently sparked an interesting discussion on my podcast, Fifty Words for Snow, where my co-host, Emily Garcés, and I delve into unique words from various cultures that don’t have direct English counterparts. In our segment called There Should Be a Word for That, we invite guests who have coined original words to encapsulate nuanced experiences that the English language lacks. Recently, my friend Eric Giancoli joined us to share a compelling term he invented to label this painfully awkward pause in conversation: “the snoob.”
A snoob basically embodies that excruciating silence during an exchange — an awkward pause that can be so uncomfortable it feels akin to being caught in a vulnerable naked sprint across the room. But here’s the twist: Eric doesn’t shy away from the snoob; instead, he embraces it with open arms. At first, I was skeptical of his viewpoint, but he confidently assures me it’s true.
Why We Fear the Snoob
Silence in conversation, studies show, disrupts the delicate, reassuring feedback loop we rely on to assess the quality of our social interactions (Brown, 2003). This interruption triggers our minds to fixate on the silence, morphing it into a mirror reflecting back every conceivable insecurity: Am I boring? Are they unimpressed? Did I inadvertently drone on about my irritation with the overextension of “pumpkin spice” season? Within this tiny brain loop of insecurity, the snoob amplifies and proliferates.
For some, the snoob is murderously awkward. For others, like Eric, it’s exhilarating. It all boils down to personality types. Extroverts—who thrive on a continuous exchange of dialogue—often view these silences as intolerable, while introverts regard snoobs as an integral aspect of the conversation’s rhythm, an essential pause that allows them to collect their thoughts and regain their internal equilibrium (Cain, 2012).
The Snoob and Emotional Intelligence
People who can navigate this uncomfortable silence, who resist the urge to clutch at filler words or polite platitudes, often excel at listening. Their willingness to linger allows them to fully absorb what has been communicated, free from the distraction of formulating their next remark. Research indicates that permitting such pauses enhances self-regulation, nurtures empathy, and can even foster trust among conversational partners (Krauss & Fussell, 1991). Far from being an emptiness, the snoob can become a fertile space for connection, a moment of unspoken mutual acknowledgment.
The Quaker Approach to the Snoob
My co-host Emily shared something captivating. She recently attended a Quaker meeting, where participants intentionally sit together in profound, reverent silence. Imagine an aged Friends’ Meeting House, bathed in sunlight filtering through tall windows, casting gentle patterns on the worn wooden pews. Individuals are scattered about the room, silently coexisting, some with eyes closed, others gazing softly ahead, all engaged in a collective, reverent stillness. Emily mentioned that it initially felt a bit awkward—like being trapped in an elevator with strangers while grappling with her inner thoughts. However, something remarkable happened: the silence transformed from feeling void to being a nurturing presence, creating a supportive atmosphere that dissolved the usual compulsion to perform or impress.
This experience might encapsulate the untapped potential of the snoob. When people gather in silence, they cultivate a deep trust, an implicit understanding that it isn’t mandatory to fill every breath with words. Emily calls this “the Quaker Challenge”—the challenge to occupy space in silence without resorting to the comfort of verbal filler. In this quiet act of presence, the snoob evolves from an awkward disruption into a gentle affirmation that it is perfectly fine, even natural, not to speak.
Snoob as a Mindfulness Practice
Furthermore, the snoob reveals itself as a form of mindfulness, an invitation to be wholly present in the moment. By choosing to dwell in this peculiar silence, we confront a space that feels daunting yet fundamentally human, prompting us to embrace our own vulnerability without flinching. In fact, we might discover, nestled within the heart of the snoob, a serene moment, a rare and tranquil peace in a world that compels us to fill every silence with chatter (Kabat-Zinn, 1990).
Embrace Your Inner Snoob Hero
Eric candidly acknowledged that snoobs aren’t always easy to endure, but he believes they are indeed worth it. Perhaps he’s onto something profound. So as you find yourself caught in a snoob, maybe take a deep breath, hold your ground, and say, “Well, this is awkward.” Consider it your new favorite challenge. Be courageous. Lean into it.
Here’s what’s crucial: we reside in a society that constantly anticipates performance, entertainment, and the evasion of all awkwardness. However, genuine connection—the kind that is raw, quirky, and a little flawed—occasionally requires a snoob. Thus, embrace them. Transform snoobs into your new mindfulness exercise, your unique moments of courage. After all, what’s a little silence among friends?
**Interview with Eric Giancoli on “The Snoob”**
**Host:** Welcome, Eric Giancoli, to our podcast segment! We recently had a lively discussion about your term, “snoob,” which describes that painfully awkward pause in conversation. Can you explain what led you to coin this term?
**Eric:** Thanks for having me! I’ve always found myself in situations where a conversation just stalls, and it feels excruciating. I wanted to capture that moment—the discomfort and the tension it brings—so I came up with “snoob.” It’s a playful nod to how seriously we take these silences, yet it highlights the humor in them, too.
**Host:** It sounds like you have a unique take on the snoob, seeing it not just as an awkward moment, but as something valuable. Can you elaborate on that?
**Eric:** Absolutely! For me, the snoob can be quite exhilarating. It’s like a momentary pause that allows us to reset and regroup. While extroverts might find it distressing, introverts often appreciate these silences because they offer a chance to reflect and engage deeply. Embracing the snoob can lead to richer conversations.
**Host:** Interesting! Studies suggest that silence disrupts our social feedback loop, amplifying insecurities. How do you think acknowledging the snoob can help with this?
**Eric:** When we acknowledge that a snoob is just a natural part of conversation, it takes away the pressure to fill silence with filler words. Instead, we can be present in that moment, letting it breathe. This can build trust and empathy between conversation partners, helping us to listen better and connect more deeply.
**Host:** That’s a profound perspective! Your co-host shared a fascinating experience from a Quaker meeting that involved intentional silence. Do you believe that similar practices could help us see the snoob in a new light?
**Eric:** I think so! Embracing silence in a controlled setting, like the Quaker meeting, can transform our relationship with awkward pauses. Instead of feeling trapped, we could see them as opportunities for reflection. This shift can create a nurturing atmosphere where genuine connection can blossom.
**Host:** So, Eric, if listeners take one thing away from our discussion today, what would it be regarding the snoob?
**Eric:** I’d say, don’t fear the snoob! Instead of cringing at the silence, lean into it. It’s a natural part of conversation that can lead to deeper understanding and connection. Let it be an invitation to engage more meaningfully with the moment and the people around you.
**Host:** Thank you, Eric! This has been enlightening. I think many will look at those awkward pauses in a whole new way.
