(in a deadpan, sarcastic tone, a la Jimmy Carr) Oh, lovely. Another delightful tale of politics, power struggles, and the age-old adage: ” Absolute power corrupts absolutely… and also makes you sound like a massive bellend.”
So, let’s dive in, shall we? It seems former President Rodrigo Duterte, the lovable (ahem) dictator from the Philippines, has told the military to overthrow his successor, President Ferdinand Marcos Jr. Why, you ask? Well, because his daughter, Vice President Sara Duterte, wants to be in charge. Because, you know, family dynasties are always a great idea… in North Korea.
Now, the current government is having none of it, naturally. Executive Secretary Lucas Bersamin has come out swinging, saying Duterte’s got a “selfish motive” for trying to overthrow the government. Which, let’s be real, is a bit like saying the sky is blue. I mean, who doesn’t love a good power grab?
But fear not, folks! The military’s all like, “Don’t worry, we’re good. We’re professionals. We won’t just overthrow the government willy-nilly.” (Rowan Atkinson, in his Mr. Bean voice) Ah, excellent! Because nothing says “professional” like a good ol’ fashioned coup d’état.
Now, Vice President Duterte has denied plotting to kill President Marcos, which is always a great sign. I mean, who needs trust and stability in government when you’ve got a good assassination plot brewing? (Ricky Gervais, in his sardonic tone) Ah, yes, because that’s exactly what the Philippines needs – more drama.
(channelling Lee Evans’ energetic, exasperated tone) Oh, for crying out loud! It’s like these people are competing in some sort of bizarre, real-life episode of ‘Game of Thrones’! “I’ll get the assassin, you get the military, and we’ll just sort this whole thing out, old chap!”
Anyway, that’s the colourful world of Philippine politics for you. Stay classy, folks!
/back to Jimmy Carr’s deadpan tone… So, to sum up: politics, power struggles, and a healthy dose of family dysfunction. Business as usual, really.
Here is the rewritten article with added details and removed sentences with less than 7 words:
MALACAÑANG on Tuesday strongly denounced former president Rodrigo Duterte for urging the military to overthrow President Ferdinand Marcos Jr., a move that has been widely condemned as a blatant attempt to subvert the democratic process.
In a scathing statement, Executive Secretary Lucas Bersamin said the former president’s call to action was motivated by a selfish desire to see his daughter, Vice President Sara Duterte, ascend to power. “He will stop at nothing to ensure his plan succeeds, even if it means insulting our professional armed forces and asking them to betray their oath,” Bersamin said.
SHRINE PROTEST Hundreds of pro-Duterte protesters gather at the EDSA Shrine in Quezon City on Nov. 26, 2024, to express their discontent with President Ferdinand Marcos Jr. and the current state of governance in the country. PHOTO BY RIO DELUVIO
“The former president should respect the Constitution, not disobey it,” Bersamin said. “He should desist from being as irresponsible as he has become. This administration will not shirk from its sworn duty to govern and manage the affairs of the Filipino nation according to the Constitution and the rule of law.”
In a press conference in Davao City, Duterte on Monday called for the AFP and the Philippine National Police (PNP) to take control and correct Marcos’ “fractured governance,” a term he used to describe the current state of the country’s leadership. Duterte, whose daughter is facing congressional investigations over her use of confidential funds, told reporters that only the military can correct the situation.
Former president Rodrigo Duterte holds a late-night press briefing on Nov. 25, 2024, where he made the incendiary remarks. PHOTO FROM FORMER PRESIDENT RODRIGO DUTERTE’S FACEBOOK
“There is a fractured governance in the Philippines right now,” Duterte said. “There is no urgent remedy. It is only the military who can correct it.” He later repeated his accusation that President Marcos was a drug addict, a claim that has been widely dismissed as baseless.
The military on Tuesday said it was unbothered by the row between the country’s leaders, stressing that the troops remain loyal to their duty to protect the country and the Constitution. “Your Armed Forces will remain loyal to the Constitution and the duly constituted civil authorities,” said Philippine Navy spokesman for the West Philippine Sea, Rear Adm. Roy Vincent Trinidad.
AFP spokesman Col. Francel Margareth Padilla, meanwhile, said the military would not get involved in politics. “We see our soldiers being highly professional,” Padilla said. “At this point, there is no need for loyalty checks.”
Vice President Sara Duterte holds a press conference at a hospital in Quezon City on Nov. 26, 2024, where she denied plotting to kill President Ferdinand Marcos Jr. PHOTO BY JAM STA. ROSA/AFP
The vice president on Tuesday denied she was plotting to kill Marcos, saying her comments that sparked a government probe only reflected “consternation” with her one-time ally. Duterte described her statements as an expression of “consternation” at the Marcos administration’s “failure to serve the Filipinos while it masterfully persecutes political enemies.”
Despite her denial, the Department of Justice (DOJ) said the National Bureau of Investigation had initiated a hunt for the alleged assassin or assassins supposedly hired by the vice president. In a statement, the DOJ said this move underscores the government’s commitment to holding public officials accountable for their actions and statements.
Former senator Leila de Lima on Monday said the Dutertes must be held accountable for their words and actions. “We’re not fools to think that what [Duterte] is inciting in the military is not a coup d’état. The daughter wants an assassination. The father wants a coup d’état. How did it happen that the Dutertes seem immune to the law?” de Lima said in one post on X.
The Malaya Movement USA on Tuesday called for the impeachment of the vice president over her “unhinged” tirades over the weekend. “Vice President Sara Duterte’s unhinged tirades show she is unfit for office. Much like her tyrant father, she is undeserving of one of the highest seats of power in the Philippines.
Forty-five officials from Eastern Visayas, including congressional representatives, spoke out against remarks made by the Vice President against Romualdez. Of the 45 officials, 38 expressed “profound indignation” at “baseless and reckless accusations made by” the vice president against Romualdez, the congressional representative of Leyte’s first district.
Presidential Adviser on Poverty Alleviation Larry Gadon said he would file a complaint on Wednesday before the Supreme Court against Vice President Duterte for disbarment. Gadon himself was disbarred in June 2023 by the Supreme Court over a video that circulated online, where he “repeatedly cursed and uttered profane remarks against journalist Raissa Robles.”
