Halloween Hijinks: An Ode to Over-the-Top Spookiness
Ah, Halloween! That magical time of year when you can decorate your home with enough plastic spiders to make an arachnophobe weep. We recently found ourselves in the charming streets of Dublin—where the Halloween spirit is as palpable as a hangover after a night out. You see, two weeks prior to the big day, the neighborhood was already draped in Night of the Living Dead aesthetic—jack-o’-lanterns peeking from porches and questionable spiders invading the facade of unsuspecting homes. I mean, who knew you could buy a graveyard scene that looked like it was pulled straight from a horror film?
And the neighborhood? Oh, the neighborhood! It was a veritable insel of fright. The scientists might call it ‘enspookification’, but I like to think of it as “Dublin’s Answer to Disneyland”—only much creepier and with fewer fake smiles. You had your ghosts, your cobwebs, and even a perplexing grave site that looked like it had no business being in a suburban front yard. I can only assume someone lost a bet.
“The English, a fearful and wimpish race, seem reluctant to daub their homes with terrifying baubles.”
Our kids? Well, let’s just say they were in their element. We have seasoned them in scares all month long. My two-year-old has taken a particular liking to crooning “This is Halloween” from The Nightmare Before Christmas, which, at this stage, is both adorable and slightly unnerving—as if she’s conjuring up spirits in her sleep. Meanwhile, my son has taken the artistic approach. In a fit of creative genius, he started drawing ghouls and spiders on every scrap of paper he could find. Quite the Picasso, isn’t he? A little ‘creeper zombie’ from Minecraft with a light-up torch? Priceless! Just don’t ask him to pay for it; that torch was £10 for crying out loud!
As we meander through this suburban haunted wonderland, it dawns on me how differently the English and the Irish approach this spectral season. The English cautiously sprinkle their front yards with a few sad lanterns and call it a day. Too scared, perhaps, to engage directly with the “filth-mired hand of death”, or maybe worried about the impact on their house prices. Heaven forbid you lose a few grand because the neighbors think you’re too keen on ghosts!
On the flip side, the Irish seem to believe that not going all-out Halloween will earn them a ticket to the local Halloween Hall of Shame. If your front yard isn’t mistaken for a horror film set, you might as well be handing out candy laced with raisins—not exactly a glowing endorsement. It’s almost as if you’ll be chased from your own home by an angry mob wielding inflatable pitchforks—while my son, bless him, brings up the rear swinging his light-up plastic torch like a little knight of fright.
And let’s talk levels of commitment, shall we? Dublin’s enthusiasm is commendable, but it pales in comparison to my hometown, Derry, where Halloween is celebrated with such fervor that the streets are filled with a hundred thousand costumed revelers. Imagine every adult dressed up—including teachers and even nuns (yes, I said nuns, but that’s a story for another day). You can’t swing a cat without hitting a witch or a slice of pizza dressed as a ninja. Now, that’s a Halloween I can get behind!
As we walked to the shops, my son stumbled over a plastic skull, looked up at me, and asked, “Will it still be Halloween when we get back to London?” To which I responded, “Yes, and no.” Because, let’s face it, “normal” in England means treading lightly on the spookiness. And while I consider turning our home into a fright factory, I also remember it’ll take more than a few glow-in-the-dark ghost stickers and a candle-lit pumpkin to make it happen. But I’ve got to ask—what’s a Halloween without a bit of chaos, right?
So here’s to the enspookified! Whether you’re in Dublin, London, or wherever your peculiarly haunted heart takes you, embrace the chaos, the fun, and the sheer absurdity of turning your yard into a glorified graveyard. Raise your plastic cups filled with dubious punch, sing “This is Halloween,” and enjoy every fright-filled moment!
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Feel free to tweak any part of this presentation or add more cheeky asides to enhance the humor!
As the days went by, we witnessed an enchanting transformation as cobwebs, ghostly apparitions, and various frightful decorations enveloped the houses around us, a phenomenon I whimsically refer to as ‘enspookification.’ Our kids were, to put it mildly, in their element. We’ve been seasoning them in scares for the past month and have watched as their taste for the macabre has grown exponentially. Our son, meanwhile, has taken to drawing ghouls and spiders on any scrap of paper available and offering detailed plans for his Halloween costume: a creeper zombie from Minecraft, complete with a blocky light-up torch we bought for £10.
The Irish, by contrast, face an entirely opposite social pressure: to refuse to engage with Halloween, up to and including erecting bafflingly detailed death dioramas in your front yard, marks you out as a deeply unserious, and quite possibly sinister, figure, liable to get chased from your home by a mob wielding inflatable pitch forks – my son bringing up the rear, waving his light-up plastic torch in excitement.
I tell my son stories of my own childhood, when every adult dressed up, even teachers, even nuns! Once I’ve abandoned trying to explain what a nun is, I tell him of Halloweens spent amid crowds of a hundred thousand people dressed as witches and power rangers and slices of pizza, all seeking frights in the frigid cold.
‘Will it still be Halloween when we get back to London?’ he asked tentatively, his foot idly displacing a plastic skull from our path as we walked to the shops. I consider the cost and effort it would take to deck out our own home in the manner I’ve just lionised, rather than going for some glow-in-the-dark ghost window stickers and a candle-lit pumpkin, as usual.
‘Yes, and no,’ I tell him.
Follow Séamas on X @shockproofbeats
**Interview with Séamas: The Halloween Spirit in Dublin and the Great Parade Hoax**
**Interviewer:** Séamas, it sounds like Dublin was fully embracing the spooky spirit this Halloween. But then, we heard the news about the parade that wasn’t supposed to be happening. Could you shed some light on that?
**Séamas:** Absolutely! It was quite the spectacle—or rather, a lack of one. Despite the creepy decor and the excited chatter all around, the news broke just hours before that there would be no Halloween parade in the center of Dublin. It was like a ghost story gone wrong, where instead of a thrilling end, we were all left in the lurch.
**Interviewer:** That must have been quite disappointing for the thousands who showed up. What was the atmosphere like?
**Séamas:** You could cut the tension with a plastic pumpkin knife! People were gathered, anticipating a night of fun, only to find out that it was all based on a rumor—a hoax shared on social media. Imagine getting dressed up and parading only to find your parade was as real as a ghost in a horror movie!
**Interviewer:** How did the Dubliners compensate for the lack of a parade? Did they still celebrate Halloween in their own way?
**Séamas:** Oh, they very much carried on! It’s as if the spirit of Halloween was too vibrant to be quashed. Families wandered the streets, decked out in costumes, taking pictures in front of the macabre displays around every corner. Even without the official parade, Dublin turned into a lively carnival, albeit an impromptu one. The creativity was off the charts!
**Interviewer:** Speaking of creativity, you’ve illustrated a wonderfully comedic take on Halloween traditions in Dublin versus England. Why do you think the Irish go all-out this time of year?
**Séamas:** It’s like an unspoken competition! In Ireland, if your front yard doesn’t look like a scene from a horror film, you’re practically the laughingstock of the neighborhood. There’s a real sense of pride in outdoing each other with decorations. I mean, you can practically feel the pressure to avoid being that one house with just a sad pumpkin!
**Interviewer:** And you mentioned Derry’s celebrations. How do they compare to Dublin’s?
**Séamas:** Derry takes it to a whole new level! Imagine every single adult dressing up, including your local teachers and even the nuns! They have parades that draw in hundreds of thousands—all in vibrant costumes. It’s the Halloween equivalent of an Olympic event, really. Dublin is fun, but Derry is an entirely different league when it comes to sheer enthusiasm.
**Interviewer:** After all the Halloween hoopla, what’s next for you and your family?
**Séamas:** Well, we’re gearing up for some post-Halloween chaos—think candy overload and costume contests at home. And who knows? Maybe I’ll try and turn our place into a fright factory for next year. I’ve got a year to plot my spooky revenge for this year’s lack of a parade!
**Interviewer:** Thanks, Séamas! Here’s to embracing chaos and the sheer absurdity of Halloween. Cheers!
**Séamas:** Cheers indeed! Remember, the real spirit of Halloween isn’t just in the parades; it’s in the joy and laughter we share together. Let’s keep the spooky momentum going!
