Definition: dirty talk, what are we talking regarding?
Dirty talk is a kind of bonus that can be incorporated into sex. In full frolic, the partners whisper to each other words and/or phrases ranging from the softest to the most salacious to boost the libido of both. “The way of saying it to each other (tone, whisper, etc.) can vary depending on the moment. In a languorous relationship, for example, it will certainly arise more easily from tender and loving words, while in a more rhythmic sexual relationship, the volume will undoubtedly be louder and the language cruder. But the reverse can also be very interesting”, illustrates Diane Deswarte.
An Australian study has also identified eight language themes specific to dirty talk, as well as the sentences that go with them (source 1). “Some are linked to relationships centered on the self, others turned towards the partner,” explains Diane Deswarte. Here is a summary:
- dominance: “Take me” or “Are you my sex slave?” “.
- The submission: “Do what you want to me”.
- The instructions : “Go faster” or “Go harder”.
- Encouragement : “You’re so good at it”, “I like it when you slow down” or “You have good taste”.
- Intimate ties: “I love you”, “Chéri.e” or “You are beautiful”.
- possession : ” You’re mine “.
- The fantasies: “I imagine people are watching us” or “Tell me what you would do to him”.
- Reflex interjections: “Oh yes”, “Oh my God” or “Again”.
This study also showed that dirty talk is a fairly common sexual practice. Indeed, 92% of people who were questioned said they were followers of naughty words while making love.
Why use crude words in intimacy?
- Materialize your fantasies : “Dirty talk allows you to put words to your deepest desires without being afraid of saying the wrong thing. »
- Know each other better. By letting go through the sexual act (rhythm, sensations…), certain expressions can be released naturally. Dirty talk allows you to dare.
- Develop your imagination.
Diane Deswarte, sexologist: Dirty talk also makes it possible to give life to transgressive scenarios that we would not have thought of without this intimate context.
Dirty talk, for whom?
“This means of sexual communication is for all those who want to rub shoulders with it: couple, lovers. Again, there are no rules as long as the partners involved are ok with it. »
How to handle this erotic language well?
With the words slipped in the corner of the ear, the misunderstanding can quickly happen. So here are some tips for verbalize their desires without missteps.
take it as a game : “You can imagine sexuality as a big game of cards, dirty talk is one of these cards and it can only be played if both partners agree! Once consent is secured, have fun and enjoy! says Diane Deswarte.
talk regarding it before : “Talking regarding it beforehand is the basis for knowing if the other person is ok. This will also be an opportunity to set up a system of codes: visuals, gestures… For example, if I tap you twice on the shoulder, it means “stop”.
Don’t accept everything : “It’s a bit strong, I preferred you to tell me that or something else” details the sexologist who specifies: “You have to know how to stop before it gets out of hand and laugh regarding it to create complicity rather than distance . »
And all crescendo: “Dirty talk can both boost desire and reduce it. It will therefore be necessary to go there by palliating by starting with words of encouragement for example rather than raw words which might put a brake on the excitement. Looking at the other, listening to their sensory reactions to know whether to go more frankly or not are avenues of exploration” explains Diane Deswarte.
Appeal to the senses :”Hearing is the most solicited sense with dirty talk. “Closing your eyes will allow you to better focus on the words delivered by your partner. But that’s not all, the two will also be able to alternate between whispers and all the other musicality sexuality (moisture, skin, breathing, etc.)” explains the sexologist. Without forgetting the other senses (sight, touch, smell, taste) which are all levers of excitement thanks to looks or even massages.
Get inspired by others“Audios and erotic literature will help to find the right tone to adopt during sexual intercourse because, more than the words, it is above all the manner and the intention that count.” We are thinking here of a scene from the series Sex Education, where Miss Sands tells her companion Mr. Hendricks that she likes dirty talk. Except that they can’t get started and will finally use the word Baba Ganoush!”, Refers the sexologist.
Dirty talk, when and how often?
Dirty talk leaves us free to talk whenever we want. “No need to wait for the perfect moment, it is neither a purely preliminary practice, nor a practice that must exist at the heart of the sexual act. It is up to each couple to feel the opportune moment”, specifies Diane Deswarte.
Dirty talk is ultimately much more than just “raw talk”; it’s a state of mind, a way to enrich the range of pleasures: a way of touching the body through the mind
