When you are very much in love, especially in the early stages of the relationship, you can experience a period of passion, with the desire to do everything with the other, to be with him or her all the time. But is it desirable over time? And above all: does it make you happy? We asked the question to Marie Bareaud, sexologist in the Nantes region.
To be happy and happy in life, must we bet everything on love?
I would tend to say no. Our spouse cannot carry everything, he is not the exclusive source of our happiness. Of course he contributes very strongly to it. But, from my experience as a sexologist, I would say one thing: beware of addiction. Fusion ? I would rather say that our couple invites us on the contrary autonomy and that is what will set us free. That’s what will prevent us from locking ourselves into a couple. This is what will mean that, contrary to the idea that we sometimes have of the ideal couple where you have to do everything together, you have to flourish there and be together all the time, and so on and that “without you, I die”… well, no!
But passion is important!
It is true that from time to time, one can live on love and fresh water. It is very beautiful for a time, and it can be repeated in the life of the couple. This can come back in phases regularly, when for example we choose to have a romantic weekend or go on vacation just for two. But fundamentally, all the same, it’s important that we also have a life on the side so that the other can feel that there isn’t too much weight on our shoulders and that, on the contrary, what we is brought to live together, these are the positive vibrations.
Where then can you find the source of your happiness in life?
What should make me happy is my job, my hobbies, social relationships, everything I live with my girlfriends, and so on. It’s obvious that what I tell my girlfriends isn’t really the same thing as what my man tells. My husband, my spouse can’t be the lover of the century, the therapist of the century, the super girlfriend, etcetera. It’s far too heavy for him. He is not God.
My spouse cannot be the lover of the century, the therapist of the century, the super girlfriend, etc. It’s way too heavy for him. He is not God.
And so, I’m going to need to look elsewhere, for example in my work. If we have found a job that suits us, that’s great. And if this is not the case, well I invite you to look. Our work, work, is all the same to fulfill oneself, to fulfill oneself too, to feel that, at that moment, I am neither the wife of… nor the mother of… I am, me, in the exercise of my work and I realize myself in this one. And so I accomplish, I realize things that I mightn’t do with my spouse, mightn’t do with my children, mightn’t do with my girlfriends, et cetera
Live the 1 + 1 = 3
So it’s good, it contributes very strongly to my happiness, to the fact of feeling alive, then of having the impression and the feeling of bringing my stone to the building. And it will feed my couple, to put me in an energy where I will be able to tell the other: “You know, I saw that and then that, it’s great. So happy to talk with such and such , et cetera” It will bring vibration in my relationship and it will make us truly live 1 + 1 = 3
