At least many of us do.
Because when we are given responsibility for more than ourselves, it requires us to take care of our own emotional life, at the same time that we have a responsibility to accommodate, regulate and meet our children in their emotional life.
And that demands a lot from us. And maybe more than we think about.
Especially conflicts between parents and children, or between siblings, can feel exhausting for many parents.
It can sometimes feel like everyday life is just about navigating these conflicts.
And it can be extremely exhausting.
Some parents tell me that the conflicts make them feel distant from their child. They fear whether they are damaging their child’s sense of self and self-esteem.
It is not so easy to answer.
Because all relationships and episodes have nuances.
The important conflicts
An everyday life with many conflicts and anger can be stressful for both children and adults. And sometimes you have to look at why the many conflicts and the bad atmosphere arise.
In some cases, the family dynamic has run into so much trouble that there bowl an extra effort or professional help to change the way you are together.
But I also occasionally meet parents who, for deeper reasons, have difficulty with conflicts and prefer to avoid disagreements with their children.
Others aim to be a conflict-free family and are afraid of violating their child’s integrity.
But conflicts are basically not dangerous for our children.
For our children, there is essential learning in being in and resolving conflicts together.
If you don’t learn to be in disagreements and conflicts together as a family, then you don’t have as many experiences to draw on when you meet the world outside the family.
The resistance, anger or disagreement of others can be overwhelming and some children take it personally and feel they are wrong.
Through conflict, our children become aware of their own and others’ intentions, feelings and wishes.
When we parents meet our children, help and support them to cope with conflicts, both between us and them, or between siblings, our children become better at understanding their own and others’ reactions.
Through the conflicts, the children learn to feel their own boundaries and respect the boundaries of others.
Although our children would rather have their own needs met, and show resistance to our demands or limits, it still gives the children a basic sense of security that there are adults who take control and show the way.
It is safe for the children that we are clear about what we expect from them, or want them to do – even if our children do not necessarily agree with us.
And if you lose your head and get scolded violently – then take responsibility for your actions, tell what happened inside you, and then say sorry!
Helle Terp Hyttel is a family life writer at North Jutland Media House. She is educated Exm. family and psychotherapist from the Danish Family Therapy Institute in Aarhus. In addition, she is a trained pedagogue and youth coach, and since 2002 has worked in social education with children, young people and families in private and public settings. Privately, she lives with her husband and two daughters aged 12 and 14 in Skørping, where she also has her clinic.
2024-11-17 05:56:00
#Conflicts #basically #dangerous #children #contrary
What are some common signs that indicate a family is struggling with unresolved conflicts?
**Interview with Child Psychologist Dr. Anna Jensen on Navigating Family Conflicts**
**Editor:** Thank you for joining us today, Dr. Jensen. Many parents struggle with managing conflicts within the family. From your experience, what do you think is the root of these conflicts?
**Dr. Jensen:** Thank you for having me! Conflicts often arise from unmet needs or expectations. In many families, there’s this pressure to maintain harmony, which can lead to avoidance of important discussions. Parents may also project their own emotional struggles onto their children, which complicates the dynamics.
**Editor:** That’s a good point. You mentioned that parents fear damaging their children’s sense of self due to conflicts. How can they navigate this fear while still addressing issues at hand?
**Dr. Jensen:** It’s important for parents to recognize that conflict itself isn’t harmful. In fact, it’s a vital part of learning social skills and emotional regulation. When parents approach conflicts with openness and teach their children how to resolve disagreements, they’re equipping them with valuable life skills. It’s about modeling constructive behavior and making sure children feel heard and validated.
**Editor:** You highlight the learning aspect of conflicts. Can you elaborate on how conflicts can actually benefit children?
**Dr. Jensen:** Absolutely. Through experiencing and navigating conflicts, children learn essential skills such as empathy, negotiation, and resilience. They start to understand that disagreements are a natural part of relationships and can lead to growth and stronger bonds when handled well. If a family avoids conflict entirely, children miss out on these learning opportunities.
**Editor:** That makes a lot of sense. For parents who find themselves overwhelmed with conflicts, what steps can they take to improve family dynamics?
**Dr. Jensen:** First, it’s crucial for parents to reflect on their conflict management style. Are they avoiding tough conversations? Are they too quick to dismiss their child’s feelings? Open communication is key. Parents should strive for an environment where everyone feels safe to express their emotions. Seeking professional help can also be beneficial if the dynamics are particularly strained.
**Editor:** Thank you for those insights, Dr. Jensen. As you said, conflicts can be challenging, but approaching them positively can lead to growth for both parents and their children. Any final advice for our readers?
**Dr. Jensen:** Remember, conflicts are part of life. Rather than fearing them, embrace them as opportunities for learning and connection. Encourage open dialogue in your home. It’s through understanding and resolution that families can grow stronger together.
**Editor:** Thank you for sharing your expertise with us today. It’s clear that navigating family conflicts is a vital and learning-rich experience for everyone involved.
