If the transition to parenthood consists of a strong individual identity development, it is above all a matter of the couple.
This conjugal adventure is complex because from the relationship of couple must be born the feeling of family. Moreover, it exerts a central influence on the bond between the parents, as well as on the socio-emotional development of the child.
What is co-parenting?
Co-parenting is defined as the support that the father and mother give each other in their parenting role. This parental collaboration is a process that takes place gradually from birth because the couple discovers each other in a new light.
The first step is determining parental roles. This arrangement continues the organization defined prior to the pregnancy and adapts to reach a new balance deemed mutually satisfactory.
Despite the existence of egalitarian beliefs, the influence of social norms is strong and orients roles according to gendered master statuses[1]. This concept postulates that the societal norm tends to assimilate men to work and women to family, resulting in a sexual division of domestic work.
This phase is accomplished when one attends the duplication of the couple’s relationship which makes it possible to combine a loving and parental relationship.
Cohesive or hostile co-parenting
When co-parenting is cohesive, both parents agree in deeds as well as emotionally and manage to resolve differences without aggression.
On the other hand, if the transition goes badly, three configurations can exist: hostility between the parents who argue openly, the withdrawal of one of the two parents from family life or even the establishment of a tense climate, superficially amiable with little affection on either side.
In the case where marital relations are not harmonious, the child can be taken in spite of himself in the parental conflict and he tries to dampen the disputes and the tensions.
This atmosphere interferes with his development, which can cause him to become aggressive or anxious, particularly during socialization experiences.
What are the factors that condition the establishment of a co-parenting relationship?
The first is the quality of the marital relationship which is already in place before the birth of the child. It can be assumed that an unsatisfactory relationship is likely to persist.
The second factor is paternal involvement. It is the relationship between the father and his child that stems from the desire to participate in his education and to take part in his responsibilities. This factor can be weakened by cultural norms or by the lack of support from the mother. In Switzerland, the traditional model is predominant and it assigns men to full-time work, sometimes creating a pressure that does not allow fathers to participate in the daily care of children. The recent paternity leave is an excellent step forward which is still too short to have an impact on this commitment.
The third factor refers to the behavior of mothers which can thwart actions of paternal involvement. These maternal attitudes are often ambivalent and sometimes unconscious and they are manifested by the ordering of educational rules or the care given to the child. When they remain dissatisfied, they may alienate the child’s father by discouraging him.
The fourth factor concerns the parents’ social representations regarding the distribution of domestic or educational tasks. They stem from the family and social experiences of individuals as well as their egalitarian or traditional beliefs.
Finally, the fifth factor relates to the personality of both parents. A parent’s anxiety can create a brake on a cohesive co-parenting that does not lead to consensus and sometimes leads to mutual avoidance or criticism.
The establishment of co-parenting is one of the main challenges for couples when they become parents and it is subject to multifactorial issues.
This process is essential because it conditions the harmonious development of the family, the mental health of the parents and consequently the socio-emotional development of the child.
In order for it to take hold in a lasting way, it is necessary to support couples during the perinatal period, to include fathers in the care of health professionals and to grant flexibility to both men and women. women in professional circles.
According to the article by Nicolas FAVEZ, “The transition to parenthood and the rearrangements of the couple relationship”, Dialogue, 2013/1 (n° 199), p. 73-83.
[1] Gauthier JA, Valarino I. The activation of gendered master status during the transition to parenthood. In: Le Goff JM, Levy M. Becoming parents, becoming unequal. Geneva: Seismo. 2016. p.48-75.
