Twente Derby Recap: A Comedy of Errors
Gather ‘round, sports fans, because we’ve just witnessed a truly “unforgettable” Twente derby. FC Twente dusted off the cobwebs to serve up a 5-0 triumph over Heracles Almelo, and let’s just say the match could have been titled “A Confused Encounter.” Who knew turning the clocks back an hour could also turn football into a farce? I mean, if I had a penny for every time I’ve seen players jog around like they’ve just awoken from a 10-year nap, I’d have… well, quite a few pennies!
Own Goal Shenanigans
The highlight of the first half? An own goal catastrophe. Mimeirhel Benita from Heracles decided to play a very risky game of “Find the Goalkeeper.” Spoiler alert: he lost! In a confusing moment, Benita aimed a backpass to keeper Fabian de Keijzer, who appeared to be auditioning for a role in “Where’s Waldo?.” The ball rolled in for an unfortunate 1-0 lead for Twente. Yes folks, that was the fifth own goal of the weekend! Apparently, the Premier League has opted for a new strategy: “Why shoot when you can shoo?”
The Lammers Show
As things progressed, it became clear that the only thing smoother than the transitions in the match was Sam Lammers weaving through on the left. With a delightful cross that could give any pastry chef a run for their money, he set up Anass Salah-Eddine for the second goal. De Keijzer must have been wondering if he’d accidentally joined a circus. The absence of van Wolfswinkel and van Bergen didn’t seem to affect Twente. Their stand-ins proved that sometimes being a substitute is just a way to show off your ability to jam-pack the scoreboard!
Overpowering the Opposition
Entering the second half, Twente turned on the jets like they had just discovered Red Bull. Defender Mees Hilgers decided to remind everyone that he could head the ball into the net, not just his dinner plate, making it 3-0 from a corner. Panic mode engaged for Heracles!
And oh, Sem Steijn—who is apparently trying to join the “I Scored But Not Really” club—had his goal chalked off for offside. Honestly, they couldn’t catch a break if they promised the referee a pint. It was a classic case of football’s “better luck next time,” with the crowd erupting into a joyous chorus of “Auf Wiedersehen” as Twente pumped in the fourth goal late in the game. With Lammers finishing it up, it was basically high-fives all around.
Final Laughs
And just when you thought it was over, Michel Vlap, who hadn’t scored all season, decided it was time to finally mark his existence with a late goal. Imagine the horror of Heracles fans watching that ball go in. You could practically hear the collective *facepalm* from the stands.
Now, Heracles Almelo finds themselves wallowing in the relegation abyss, with a staggering 13 goals conceded in just three matches. Oh dear, that’s what we call a real crash course in defensive drills!
So, there you have it, folks! Twente puts on a masterclass of attacking football, while Heracles looks like they’re stuck in a perpetual game of “What Just Happened?” Here’s hoping the next match isn’t as sleep-inducing as this one started, and maybe we can steer clear of any more own goals—unless you’re into utterly chaotic football like me. Cheers!
