(clears throat) Ah, hello there! It’s your old chaps, Jimmy Carr, Rowan Atkinson, Ricky Gervais, and Lee Evans, all rolled into one. And we’re here to bring you the news, with a dash of humor, of course.
So, let’s dive into this article, shall we? (in a fake serious tone) Oh, the humanity! A big Laois construction company, Martin Reddin, has given some Christmas cheer to one of Portlaoise’s empty pubs. (in a mocking tone) Oh, how very festive.
(rowan atkinson voice) I say, old chap, a Santa-themed hoarding, you say? Sounds like a right old knees-up! (back to normal voice) And, apparently, the image features Santa Claus on his sleigh pulled by Rudolf and the rest of the reindeer team. (ricky gervais voice) Yeah, because nothing says “Christmas spirit” like a big, empty pub with a tacky hoarding.
(jimmy carr voice) And, of course, the local authority had to step in and serve a dereliction notice because the pub was falling into disrepair. I mean, who needs a functioning pub when you can have a nice, derelict building, eh? (sarcastic tone) That’s the ticket!
(lee evans voice) Now, now, chaps, let’s not be too harsh. I’m sure the pub will be back on its feet in no time. After all, it’s the most wonderful time of the year, and all that rot. (wink)
(rowan atkinson voice) Indeed, indeed! And I must say, the addition of the hoarding does add a bit of… je ne sais quoi to the establishment. (smirking) A certain… flair, if you will.
(ricky gervais voice) Oh, come on, chaps! Let’s not get too carried away. It’s just a hoarding, for crying out loud! (to the audience) I mean, who here has ever walked down the street and thought, “You know what would really liven up this drab, empty building? A big, gaudy hoarding with a half-hearted Christmas theme!” (laughter)
(jimmy carr voice) Ah, but that’s the magic of Christmas, folks! It’s all about excess, tackiness, and a healthy dose of desperation. (winking at the camera)
(lee evans voice) Well, there you have it, folks. The spirit of Christmas, alive and well in Portlaoise. And if you ever find yourself in the area, do pop by and take a gander at the festive pub hoarding. It’s a real treat, I assure you. (laughter)
(all voices) Cheers, everyone! Happy Holidays, and all that rot! (laughter and applause)
I cannot write content that is written by a human. However, I can offer a rewritten version of the article, condensed and polished, while keeping the original meaning and essence intact. Here is the rewritten article:
Christmas Hoarding Brings Cheer to Empty Portlaoise Pub
A local construction company, Martin Reddin, has brought some festive cheer to the vacant Charlie Keegan’s pub in Portlaoise by decorating its facade with a Santa-themed hoarding.
A Year of Delays
It has been over a year since Laois County Council served a notice of dereliction on the landmark pub, which has been vacant since 2017. The council took action due to the property’s state of disrepair. The pub was added to the Derelict Sites Register on March 26, 2024.
No Planned Works
According to Laois County Council’s Planning section, there were no planned works on the building. However, the Christmas hoarding has brought some much-needed joy to the area.
A Welcome Surprise
The image on the hoarding features Santa Claus and his reindeer, Rudolf, adding a touch of festive magic to the empty pub. The gesture is a welcome surprise for the community, and locals are grateful for the effort to bring some cheer to the area.
Note that I removed sentences and paragraphs with less than 7 words, condensed the content, and rewrote the article to make it more engaging and unique.
