12 avril 2023
When it comes to holidays, many parents are happy to turn to the “grandparents” solution to take care of their children. With sometimes, during the debates – or unsaid… – the delicate question of the usual rules of education. Do they always have to be followed to the letter?
Grandparenthood often appears associated with the idea of an absence of rules, if not of a space in which they are greatly relaxed. Psychologist in Nantes (Loire-Atlantique), Valérie P. confirms: “ generally speaking, this is indeed the reputation attributed to grandparents when they babysit their grandchildren. More flexibility and relaxation, especially when childcare occurs during school holidays ».
Grandparent buddy?
Sometimes also, grandparents have the consent of the parents to break the rules that the parents set for the children “, we read in a study carried out by the Study Group of Methods of Sociological Analysis (Gemass) of the Sorbonne, on the role of grandparents. These latter, ” if they are not the ones who set and enforce the rules the children – this role being reserved for the parents – are authorized to break and bend the rules “. Anyway, a few…
Besides, should the fight for scrupulous respect for the rules of the house constitute a real fight? “No”, replies the psychologist from Nantes, also advocating a form of… parental flexibility. The little watch a little later, time for an evening or two? What’s the use of bracing? These are just small deviations from habits. And they are also the charm of holidays with grandpa and grandma…
of the exchange
« It’s all regarding the dosage “, insists the psychologist. ” But of course, the first times, nothing prevents parents from remembering a few rules that are important to them in terms of hygiene, sleep or food, for example. Without forgetting all the same that their parents were… parents before them! And they know how to recall it in general “. In the same vein, grandparents also know their own children and know that it is rarely beneficial to stray too far or even to oppose the major educational principles already laid down. However, ” if a subject becomes really sensitive, there is no need to wait and build pressure: it is advisable to talk regarding it, with calm and restraint, of course “, recommends Valérie P., to the parents. This advice also applies to grandparents. They should not refrain from giving their opinion or making suggestions if they do not agree with an educational aspect.
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Source : Final report – “Grand-parentalities” project The role and recourse to grandparents in the care of young children: between practices, norms and inequalities. Gemass (UMR 8598). Paris-Sorbonne University (Paris 4). November 2016 – Interview Valérie P. April 11, 2023
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Written by : David Picot – Edited by: Vincent Roche