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The joy was great following passing the Central Matura through ChatGPT. But now the setback follows: the artificial intelligence wanted to celebrate its success at the X-Jam graduation trip. She suffered massive alcohol poisoning and forgot all the skills she had laboriously acquired.
SAN FRANCISCO / LANTERNA – ChatGPT yells “Ex oder Oaschloch” and ext the tenth tequila shot, Avicii’s “Levels” booms out of the speakers, the entire high school class of the HTL Waidhofen is washed unconscious on the beach – a completely normal evening at X-Jam .
The next morning, ChatGPT stares apathetically into the Mediterranean Sea and sips his glass of aspirin C. “Everything’s gone, I can’t even multiply anymore, oida.” The artificial intelligence has forgotten everything due to the colossal intoxication of the previous day and is now only up the level of an Aschbacher diploma thesis.
Serious situation
Crisis meeting at OpenAI. Even co-founder Elon Musk has canceled all important appointments – such as a four-hour Twitter discussion with user Manfred22816 – the situation is too serious.
“ChatGPT, calculate the first 1000 digits of Pi for me,” Musk says, his face frozen, staring at the screen. ChatGPT thinks for seven minutes and then replies: “Pi, Pa, PUUUDDEEERRNNN, Oida, hahaha. Do you even know what AI means? Assificial Intelligence, you motherfuckers, hahaha. Say what’s true, drink what’s clear, budan what’s there, hahahaha!”
shock diagnosis
“The cheap X-Jam junk has corroded the entire neural network,” explains programmer Luca Hüttinger. “Acute syphilis caught by ChatGPT on the beach at 4am during unprotected intercourse made the damage worse,” he continues, removing sand and some used condoms from the processor.
The first diagnoses are shocking: Like all high school graduates following the X-Jam, ChatGPT can hardly read and has difficulty calculating percentages.
Shattered Dreams
“I had such big plans for my baby,” Musk sighs, staring out the window. “The passing of the central Matura, the academic non-plus-ultra, was the culmination of my work. I wanted to revolutionize humanity. Now I can be happy if the business administration bachelor’s degree at WU somehow hits with oh and noisy.” With tears in his eyes, he breaks off the interview.
ChatGPT has just returned home, throwing his mum’s dirty laundry on the floor and a WU flyer in the garbage can. After leaving school, the fate of all other high school graduates awaits him: he is drafted into the Austrian army as a recruit, mentally broken and then begins a soulless working life until, following a financially disastrous divorce, in his mid-40s he is faced with the ruins of his meaningless existence.
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