2023-06-07 18:22:32
On fidelity, we have heard everything. That it is essential and fundamental… as well as it can be burdensome and hinder the happiness of the couple. Difficult to decide. Especially since on the subject we generally have a very clear opinion and from which we do not budge. But the work of American author Susan Shapiro Barash could well challenge our received ideas…
Why are women unfaithful?
The fruit of 30 years of work with unfaithful women, the American author Susan Shapiro Barash is interested in their motivations in “A passion for more : affairs that make or break us” (“A passion for more: the connections that make or break us” in French). What comes out of it? “Women cheat today more than they did a few decades ago”notes the author in an episode of the podcast Sex and Pyschologymoderated by psychologist and Kinsey Institute researcher Justin Lehmiller. “In most of the cases I have followed, they feel they have a right to these relationships, need them and do not feel guilty”.
For women, theadultery is not necessarily a way to jeopardize your relationship, quite the contrary. Thanks to the dozens of testimonials received, Susan Shapiro Barash has identified 3 types of situations. But then, why do women cheat their partner?
- pour improve their relationship current. “For them, it’s a way of saying, ‘Here’s what I need and don’t get,’ Explains Susan Shapiro Barash.
- pour find a new balance. She finds in adultery what she does not necessarily find in her marriage.
- pour take a step back from your relationship …and sometimes leaving a toxic partner. “It is sometimes thanks to their lovers that they manage to put their finger on what they lacked. The lover then serves as a bridge to the exit”analyzes the author.
Can infidelity save a marriage?
Thus, the work of Susan Shapiro Barash has enabled her to better understand what motivates adulterous women. And contrary to what one might imagine, a gap is also for them a means of consolidate their relationship. “These women, from cities and from very varied social backgrounds, believe that adultery can revitalize, and even improve, the functioning of their couple”decrypts the author.
- The admission of assumed infidelity can also be perceived as a warning signal by the partner, making him more inclined to evolve
- By cheating and talking openly with their partner, women will thus pinpoint what can be improved, what is missing in the couple to make it stronger.
Susan Shapiro Barash thus speaks of deception (and its admission) as a “tool of renegotiation” which will allow women to question and consolidate their marriage. Not sure that the arguments put forward by the American author are enough to convince…
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