(The stage is set, and I’m a combination of Jimmy Carr’s sharp wit, Rowan Atkinson’s physical comedy, Ricky Gervais’s satire, and Lee Evans’s energetic storytelling. I adjust the mic stand, clear my throat, and begin.)
Well, well, well, folks! It seems we’ve got a bit of a strongman on our hands here. Brigadier General Abdourahamane Tiani, the President of the National Council for the Protection of the Fatherland (try saying that three times fast, I dare you), has a message for the nation. And what a message it is! (I adopt a pompous tone) “The disinformation orchestrated by neocolonial organs and certain renegade compatriots in the role of ‘living room slaves’… ” (I chuckle) Oh, I love it! Living room slaves! That’s a new one. I mean, who needs Netflix when you’ve got comrades like that, eh? (audience laughter)
But seriously, folks, this fella’s got some serious language skills. I mean, “inexorable march towards sovereignty”? That’s not just a phrase, that’s a warning sign on a dictatorship’s bumper sticker. (Jimmy Carr-esque deadpan) “Warning: Sovereignty ahead. Proceed with caution… and a healthy dose of fear.”
Now, I’m no expert, but it seems to me that when a leader starts talking about “neocolonial organs” and “strategic and diplomatic partnerships,” they’re basically saying, “We’re going to do what we want, and you lot can just sod off.” (Ricky Gervais-inspired sarcasm) Ah, the classic “I’m a strong leader, but I’m also a victim” routine. It’s like they’re trying to convince us that they’re the only ones who truly understand what’s best for their country… and everyone else is just a “living room slave” trying to hold them back. (audience laughter)
And what’s with the “first anniversary of the takeover of power” business? (Lee Evans-style energetic delivery) Oh, come on, mate! You’re not fooling anyone with that. That’s just a fancy way of saying, “We’ve been in charge for a year, and we’re still not tired of hearing ourselves talk!” (audience laughter)
But in all seriousness, folks, this kind of rhetoric can be a bit… worrying. I mean, when leaders start using language like this, it’s often a sign that they’re trying to consolidate power, silence opposition, and, you know, maybe rig a few elections. (Jimmy Carr-esque raised eyebrow) Just a thought.
Anyway, that’s all from me for now. Thanks for tuning in, and remember: if you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re being called a “living room slave,” just smile, nod, and pretend you’re watching a very interesting episode of “The Great British Baking Show.” (wink, wink) (audience laughter and applause)
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In a scathing rebuke to neocolonial forces and their internal collaborators, Brigadier General Abdourahamane Tiani, President of the National Council for the Protection of the Fatherland (CNSP) and Head of State, has reaffirmed his country’s unwavering commitment to achieving full sovereignty. The CNSP leader’s comments came as the nation marked the first anniversary of the takeover of power by the CNSP, a milestone that has been met with a mixture of excitement and trepidation by various stakeholders.
Addressing the nation on July 26, 2024, General Tiani categorically stated that the disinformation campaigns orchestrated by external forces and their internal proxies, whom he derisively referred to as “living room slaves,” would not derail his administration’s relentless pursuit of self-determination. The CNSP President emphasized that his government would not be swayed by the agendas of foreign powers or inter-state organizations, and that the country’s strategic and diplomatic partnerships would be dictated solely by its national interests.
In a veiled warning to those who may be harboring illusions of a return to the status quo ante, General Tiani cautioned that the CNSP’s march towards full sovereignty was irreversible and inexorable. He urged those who were still fantasizing about the restoration of the old order to face reality before it was too late, as the country was resolutely forging ahead with its new trajectory.
Brigadier General Abdourahamane Tiani, President of the National Council for the Protection of the Fatherland (CNSP), Head of State.
Message to the Nation on the occasion of the first anniversary of the takeover of power by the CNSP
July 26, 2024
