2024-01-13 04:20:00
Men take drugs more than women. The latest data of the National Plan on Drugs show for yet another year that, compared to them, we seek more to escape or alleviate discomfort with psychoactive substances. We also become more depressed and commit suicide more. According to the World Health Organization, men account for approximately 7 out of 10 suicide deaths.
A few months ago, Nature published a note which explained that men often experience discomfort, but we do not share it with anyone. “The multiple manifestations of silence in male mental illness reduce subjective well-being and social and occupational functioning, while increasing the risk of suicide,” stated the authors of that article. Apparently, this silence is a consequence, in large part, of aspects that have to do with the way in which society teaches boys to be men. The expected behaviors associated with manhood form the framework that guides how we should behave, how we should see ourselves, how to relate to others, and how to be perceived by society. In fact, fragility in man has been ridiculed and we have all learned to flee from the soft man.
Do we find it difficult to connect intimately with other men? Why aren’t we able to show ourselves vulnerable? Is this isolation a risk factor for our mental health?
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To answer some of those questions I wanted to talk to trans men who were socialized as women. That is, having moved into adulthood, they have experienced part of their life from a feminine role and another part from a masculine role. Needless to say, there are as many experiences as there are trans people and, of course, there are enormous individual differences between men. Not everyone has to conform to more traditional Western masculine norms. Next, I am only going to show you some examples with which I will try to briefly verify the thesis of the authors of the article I quote above.
Gabriel Ayuso is 49 years old, he is an environmental consultant and began his transition just five years ago: “I have found myself in conversations with old friends, where I have suddenly felt that they were closed off, as if they could no longer share things that we previously talked about comfortably” . For some time now, Gabriel has participated in a men’s circle that seeks to facilitate the communication of emotions among its members. “I am part of a circle of men and my colleagues invariably share the same thing: the need they feel to relate to other men on a different level, less superficial, more whole.”
Our behavior is not casual, but responds to the expectations that society has. We must hide—if not deny—the pain and fragility. We simply respond to the classic messages of “be a man”, “be strong”, “hold on”. These messages transmit in a crystal clear way that facing difficulties emotionally is transgressing the ideals of being a true man.
“I highly condemn micromachismos, so when I found myself alone in front of those fifty-two hunks, I knew that someone would make the typical comment,” Aitor González participated in the last Mister España contest, he is thirty years old, he is a primary school teacher and he is also a trans man. “For example, someone who had just talked to his girlfriend said ‘hey, my problem has already gone to sleep’ and, of course, I didn’t have the guts to say ‘man, don’t say that, he’s your partner.’ In the end what others do is reinforce this behavior with phrases like ‘well man, now you have one less problem’. “I don’t identify at all with those forms.”
“Studies have shown that these behaviors endanger the psychological health of men, but can also compromise the well-being of the people who live with us.”
The perverse thing is that for hide the emotional landscape and being real men we adhere to the most filthy aspects of the social role. David Moreno, a 52-year-old teacher, explains it this way: “Since I am seen as a cis man, I have been able to perceive a certain sexist complicity that I detest, of course, in humorous comments about women.” Something that Aitor also confirms: “Sometimes I have to force some behaviors, show a more masculine attitude to fit into that dynamic. From one to another I can be a little more myself, but within a large group I feel like I don’t fit in at all, it’s hard for me.” Gabriel, for his part, also agrees with them: “Personally, the experience in the men’s circle has given me the confidence to be a little more relaxed around other men, and not feel so much pressure to ‘act like a man’, because none of us wins from it.”
Unfortunately, these types of widespread attitudes have an impact on a social level. Studies have shown that these behaviors endanger the psychological health of men, but can also compromise the well-being of the people who live with us. He car insulation It is one of the resources we use the most to manage discomfort, but this only increases the problem, since it ends up destroying the possibility of empathy, compassion and support from those around us. By isolating ourselves, men deny ourselves the opportunity to feel heard and understood by others. It is a human need, on the other hand, essential to regulate our affections and balance in relationships.
To top off this nonsense, many men don’t want to seek help for fear of being branded as weak or unable to meet social expectations. This endurance Other problems end up adding to it, such as substance abuse, violence, shame, helplessness, hopelessness and, ultimately, as I have already mentioned, suicide.
Many of us have complained at some point about not knowing our place in feminism, perhaps we should just observe how women communicate, learn and, finally, apply the model when relating to each other.
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