Week 7 Fantasy Football Defense Streamers: A Cheeky Dive
Welcome back, gridiron gurus! Grab your virtual D/ST helmets and let’s roll! Week 6 unfolded like a plot twist in a soap opera: just when you think you’ve figured it out, the Detroit Lions swoop in like a bunch of overachieving squirrels, scoring a staggering 20 fantasy points and making waves like they’re auditioning for the next big blockbuster. That’s right—only 7% of leagues decided to start them, and it turns out that was a bit like not investing in Bitcoin back in 2010. Ouch!
The Streamers are Coming!
Now, it’s not all doom and gloom for our streamer picks. Houston managed to squeeze out 15 points against the New England Patriots, which is like getting a high five from your boss—unexpected but satisfying. The Chargers? Well, they’re the sort of “popular” guy who shows up to the party but sits in a corner, managing a measly eight points against Denver. And the Eagles, bless their hearts, left us scratching our heads with just six points against Cleveland. Didn’t someone tell them it’s not about participation—it’s about winning?
As we gear up for Week 7, brace yourselves for more bye weeks than you’d find in a sitcom! The Dallas Cowboys and Chicago Bears are taking a vacation, but let’s be honest, it might do the Cowboys some good to rethink their entire season while they’re at it. Meanwhile, the Bears have been the defensive equivalent of a Swiss Army knife – surprisingly useful! Stash them if you can; they might just come in handy!
Teams to Steer Clear Of:
Bye Weeks
Cowboys (52% rostered) – More like the Cow-patty boys at this point. They’ve got a rough road ahead, being disappointed through the season thus far. Drop ’em like a bad habit!
Bears (63%) – Stuck in a mixed bag of mediocrity, this may be the time to hang onto them. They can’t maintain that level of defense without some offensive support, can they?
Matchup-Based
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (57% rostered) – Coming off a respectable 19-point performance against the Saints, they’re now up against the Ravens, who might as well be wearing invisibility cloaks for how they’ve handled opposing defenses.
San Francisco 49ers (97% rostered) – They’re popular, and for good reason, but even the best need a breather. With upcoming matchups against offensive titans Kansas City and Dallas, they might be a tad less enticing than a lukewarm cup of coffee.
The Top Picks for Week 7
Buffalo Bills D/ST (49% Rostered)
Facing off against the Tennessee Titans, who have been giving up more points than a drunk guy at karaoke night, Buffalo might just clear the 50% threshold by the end of next week. The Titans are ruffling feathers with their 16 sacks allowed and 10 turnovers, including a delightful seven from Will Levis. If that isn’t a golden opportunity for the Bills to roll in and cause havoc, I don’t know what is!
Cleveland Browns D/ST (49% Rostered)
Now, we’ve all been there—having a top five defense while your offense resembles a theatre performance where nobody can remember their lines. Enter the Browns: they’re the underdog story we’re rooting for! Facing the Bengals, they’ll be like a schoolyard bully taking on the scared kid. If Myles Garrett gets loose, Joe Burrow might as well start searching for a new line of work!
New Orleans Saints (15% Rostered)
The Saints, once riding high, are now slumping like your cousin after one too many at the holiday party—four losses in a row. But there’s a silver lining: their defense is still kicking. Hosting the Denver Broncos, who seem to find new ways to trip over their shoelaces, could mean a solid bounce-back for New Orleans. Especially against a rookie QB on short notice!
Honorable Mentions
Green Bay Packers (49%): Not quite the top pick this week, but they are heating up.
Detroit Lions (12%): What’s the point of a lion if it’s not roaring? They just finished mauling the Cowboys.
Los Angeles Rams (2%): Last seen scoring a defensive touchdown against the Packers, here’s hoping they don’t forget where that end zone is!
So there you have it, fantasy aficionados! This week’s exploration of defenses has been more entertaining than a cat on a Roomba. Keep an eye on these selections, and for heaven’s sake, don’t ignore the streaming potential—they might just save your fantasy season like that one friend who shows up with snacks at 3 AM. Until next week, keep your helmets strapped and your strategies sharper than a defensive linebacker!
