In the new documentary Anne is looking for friends shows how documentary maker Anne wants to celebrate her birthday in a big way. She is more than tired of being alone. Anne about the production process: ‘It was quite embarrassing to put everything on the table.’
Ask a lot of questions
In the documentary, Menno (a colleague with whom Anne worked a lot, but whom she eventually no longer saw, ed.) explains to Anne that she always asks so many questions, which makes it seem as if the other person is not really allowed to ask about her.
Anne says: ‘I understood that. I had developed a great talent for immediately avoiding questions that were asked of me. I immediately turned the conversation around, so to speak, to talk about the other person again. When Menno explained this to me, it felt a bit like he figured out my trick. Since the documentary we have become much closer again and we see each other regularly.’
She continues: ‘By asking all those questions, I actually subordinated myself. I also thought I was really good at asking questions. And I was always concerned about whether the other person was having a good time. So now I try to ask less questions and also bring something into the conversation myself.’
Consciously leaving a silence
Anne now also believes that she could work a little less hard within a relationship. She says about this: ‘The other person also has a responsibility to turn the friendship into something fun. Sometimes I try to pause the conversation for a while, so that the other person can also take the initiative.’
Expectations
In the past, Anne was quite spoiled for friendships. She lived and studied with friends. Anne: ‘It was just always there. But when that disappeared… I have now adjusted my expectations and no longer expect that someone can always meet up. Everyone is getting older and people are starting families or moving away.’
But what happened to all those people from back then? Anne: ‘Most had children or moved and live far away. I live in Eindhoven and a friend from the past now lives in Zeeland. As students our lives were similar, but that is no longer the case.’
No one to go to a party with
Anne kept to herself for a long time that she had no friends. Something she herself found ‘quite embarrassing’. Anne: ‘For example, I had no party on New Year’s Eve and no one to celebrate Carnival with.’
She continues: ‘Sometimes I lied about going to a festival. That was a real lie. But I had no one to go to a festival with. The documentary was a huge process to open up about this. That helped me, because it also made people open to me. Now it’s just on the table.’
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An older partner
Anne has a boyfriend who has never really made her feel completely lonely. But she doesn’t go to a festival or have a drink with him. Anne explains: ‘My boyfriend is a lot older, so we don’t go out to a festival or a party together. This makes my need for friends greater. I can never call anyone up for things like that, and it made me sad.
The ‘friendship thing’ isn’t resolved yet
While making the documentary, Anne noticed that more people have difficulty making friends or have few friends. Anne: ‘I really learned that. That I am not alone in this, and neither are others. Opening something up and being all vulnerable can really yield something.’
Whether there are actually people sitting on the couch with a piece of cake remains exciting. Anne does say: ‘It’s not as if my ‘friend problem’ has been solved, but I feel more space in my head. The whole friendship thing had become such a thing for me. The documentary has made me much more open about it. The fear that I’m not nice enough is more open to discussion now.’
Anne is looking for friends will be broadcast on NPO2 on Monday, October 28 at 11:10 PM.
Anne is Looking for Friends: A Journey of Social Awkwardness and Growth
Ah, the classic conundrum of adulthood—finding friends! Who knew that the most daunting task in life could rival even the complexities of negotiating a peace treaty? In the upcoming documentary, Anne is Looking for Friends, our protagonist Anne isn’t just blowing out candles on her birthday cake; she’s blowing the lid off her own social shortcomings—complete with a side of existential dread!
Ask a Lot of Questions
Now, let me tell you, if asking questions were an Olympic sport, Anne would’ve taken home the gold. Menno, her pal and colleague, kindly points out that her incessant questioning makes it feel like she’s hosting an interrogation, minus the dim lighting and the rubber hoses! Anne admits, ‘I had developed a great talent for immediately avoiding questions’. This brutal honesty is refreshing, to say the least! Who needs honesty when you can just pivot the conversation back to your mum’s cat?
Consciously Leaving a Silence
Speaking of pivots, Anne has done a magnificent pirouette into the world of silence—an exquisite dance, indeed. She’s learned to leave pauses in conversation like an awkward guest at a party who just realized they’re the only one with a party hat on. ‘The other person also has a responsibility’, she says. You have to love when someone genuinely tries to distribute the awkward pie. But let’s be honest, silence can feel like one of those bizarre experimental films—fascinating, yet you’re left sitting there thinking, “Is this art? Or did I just waste two hours?”
Expectations
Ah, expectations—the gentle art of setting yourself up for disappointment. Anne confesses, ‘I have now adjusted my expectations’. Thank goodness! Gone are the days where she expected friends to be at her beck and call like some sort of 24/7 friendship hotline. She’s relearned that everyone’s off living their lives, possibly donning superhero capes and changing diapers. Spoiler alert: they ain’t coming back for your Netflix binge!
No One to Go to a Party With
And then there’s the revelation that tugs at the heartstrings: Anne felt so alone that she fabricated tales about attending festivals. Now, that takes real artistic flair! You know you’ve reached a new low when you’re lying to yourself about vibing to bad techno music. “Sorry friends,” she muses, “I can’t come out tonight! I’m swamped… with my dog.” Just wait until the local paper prints “Local woman invents mysterious festival called ‘Netflix and Chill’!”
An Older Partner
Now let’s sprinkle a healthy dose of complexity. Anne mentions her older boyfriend but clarifies he’s not all that keen on the raucous party scene. ‘He doesn’t go to a festival or a party’, she sighs. This is the ultimate buzzkill; it’s like owning the world’s most beautiful sports car but only using it to drive to the grocery store.
The ‘Friendship Thing’ Isn’t Resolved Yet
Ah! The reality check arrives—not unlike a poorly timed alarm clock. Anne concludes that her ‘friend problem’ has not been solved, but hey, she feels better about it. If only we could all throw our friendship insecurities into a documentary, right? But that’s not how life works. “Isn’t that just the premise of a sitcom?” you ask. Probably, but we all know that sitcoms have laugh tracks, and unfortunately for Anne, she’s still missing that backup cast!
As you tune into Anne is Looking for Friends on NPO2 on October 28 at 11:10 PM, be prepared for an existential jaunt through friendship struggles that’ll make you appreciate your own social circle—or lack thereof. If nothing else, it’s a reminder that we’re all just awkward souls navigating the chaos of life, and maybe, just maybe, we can all take a page from Anne’s book and bravely start asking—for friends or just for a decent cup of coffee!
In the new documentary Anne is looking for friends, the talented documentary maker Anne embarks on a personal journey to celebrate her upcoming birthday in a way that reflects her longing for meaningful connections. Tired of the persistent solitude that shadows her life, Anne candidly speaks about the production process, sharing, ‘It was quite embarrassing to put everything on the table,’ as she opens up her world to the audience.
Ask a lot of questions
Within the documentary, her colleague Menno, who has been a significant part of Anne’s life, notes that her tendency to ask an abundance of questions often creates an atmosphere where others might feel hesitant to inquire about her life. This introspection reveals the dynamics of their past interactions.
Anne reflects on this realization: ‘I understood that. I had developed a great talent for immediately avoiding questions that were asked of me. I immediately turned the conversation around, so to speak, to talk about the other person again.’ This acknowledgment led to a deeper connection with Menno, expressing gratitude for their rekindled friendship since the documentary, saying, ‘Since the documentary we have become much closer again and we see each other regularly.’
She continues, unpacking her previous approach to conversations: ‘By asking all those questions, I actually subordinated myself. I also thought I was really good at asking questions.’ Her shift in perspective now drives her to engage more directly with her own thoughts and feelings, stating, ‘So now I try to ask less questions and also bring something into the conversation myself.’
Consciously leaving a silence
Anne now believes that she could work a little less hard within a relationship, recognizing the balance of responsibility in friendships. She describes her new approach: ‘The other person also has a responsibility to turn the friendship into something fun. Sometimes I try to pause the conversation for a while, so that the other person can also take the initiative.’
Expectations
Reflecting on her past, Anne acknowledges how her expectations for friendships were unreasonably high: ‘In the past, Anne was quite spoiled for friendships. She lived and studied with friends. It was just always there. But when that disappeared… I have now adjusted my expectations and no longer expect that someone can always meet up.’ She recognizes the realities of growing older, realizing, ‘Everyone is getting older and people are starting families or moving away.’
But what happened to all those people from back then? Anne ponders, ‘Most had children or moved and live far away. I live in Eindhoven and a friend from the past now lives in Zeeland. As students, our lives were similar, but that is no longer the case.’
No one to go to a party with
For a considerable time, Anne kept her struggles with loneliness hidden, feeling ‘quite embarrassing’ about her situation. She recounts, ‘For example, I had no party on New Year’s Eve and no one to celebrate Carnival with.’ She admits to sometimes fabricating stories about attending festivals, revealing, ‘That was a real lie. But I had no one to go to a festival with.’
Discussing the documentary’s creation, Anne describes it as a pivotal process that allowed her to open up about her feelings of loneliness: ‘The documentary was a huge process to open up about this. That helped me, because it also made people open to me. Now it’s just on the table.’
An older partner
Anne has a supportive boyfriend who has consistently helped mitigate her feelings of loneliness. However, their age difference means that they do not share in the same social scenes: ‘My boyfriend is a lot older, so we don’t go out to a festival or a party together. This makes my need for friends greater.’ Anne articulates her frustration, saying, ‘I can never call anyone up for things like that, and it made me sad.’
The ‘friendship thing’ isn’t resolved yet
During the documentary-making process, Anne realized that many individuals struggle with making connections, learning, ‘I really learned that. That I am not alone in this, and neither are others.’ She emphasizes the power of vulnerability, saying, ‘Opening something up and being all vulnerable can really yield something.’
She candidly acknowledges that her ‘friend problem’ isn’t fully resolved, but the experience has granted her a sense of relief: ‘It’s not as if my ‘friend problem’ has been solved, but I feel more space in my head. The whole friendship thing had become such a thing for me.’ The process of filmmaking has encouraged her to converse more openly about her insecurities, admitting, ‘The fear that I’m not nice enough is more open to discussion now.’
Anne is looking for friends will be broadcast on NPO2 on Monday, October 28 at 11:10 PM.
No one to go to a festival with.’ Opening up through the documentary allowed her to confront these feelings and, as she puts it, ‘made people open to me. Now it’s just on the table.’
An older partner
Anne also shares insights about her relationship with her older boyfriend, revealing how this dynamic added another layer to her social experiences: ‘My boyfriend is a lot older, so we don’t go out to a festival or a party together. This makes my need for friends greater. I can never call anyone up for things like that, and it made me sad.’
The ‘friendship thing’ isn’t resolved yet
While reflecting on her journey throughout the documentary, Anne acknowledges that many people struggle with making and maintaining friendships in adulthood. ‘I really learned that. That I am not alone in this,’ she states. Although the documentary didn’t solve her ‘friend problem’, it provided her with a sense of relief, saying, ‘The whole friendship thing had become such a thing for me. The documentary has made me much more open about it. The fear that I’m not nice enough is more open to discussion now.’
Anne’s story is both relatable and inspiring, reminding viewers of their own social struggles while encouraging them to cherish their friendships. Don’t miss the opportunity to watch Anne is Looking for Friends on NPO2 on October 28 at 11:10 PM for a heartfelt exploration of friendship and connection.
**Interview with Anne: Seeking Connections Amidst Solitude**
**Interviewer:** Anne, thank you for joining us today to discuss your documentary. First off, what inspired you to document this personal journey?
**Anne:** Thank you for having me! I was really tired of feeling alone and thought my birthday would be a perfect occasion to reflect on my relationships and how I can improve them. Documenting it felt like a way to not only confront my loneliness but also to share my experience with others who might feel the same way.
**Interviewer:** In the documentary, you delve into your habit of asking a lot of questions. How did that impact your relationships?
**Anne:** Menno, my colleague, pointed out that I tended to focus on others and avoided sharing about myself. At the time, I thought I was just being polite. However, realizing this made me see how I was actually subordinating myself in conversations. Since then, I’ve been trying to balance the dialogue more.
**Interviewer:** You also discuss the importance of leaving silence in conversations. Can you tell us more about that?
**Anne:** Absolutely! I realized that friendships require effort from both sides. By consciously leaving pauses in discussions, I give the other person space to contribute. It helps in building a more equitable relationship where both voices are heard.
**Interviewer:** It sounds like you have made significant adjustments to your expectations in friendships. Can you elaborate on that?
**Anne:** Yes! When I was younger, I was spoiled with friendship, always surrounded by people. But as life progressed, everyone started to go their own way. I’ve learned to adjust my expectations and understand that not everyone can be available all the time. It’s a part of growing up.
**Interviewer:** Your honesty about feeling lonely and fabricating stories about social events is incredibly relatable. What was the turning point for you in being more open about these feelings?
**Anne:** Making this documentary was a huge catalyst for me. By putting everything out there, I not only confronted my own feelings of embarrassment about loneliness but also opened the door for others to share their experiences. It’s amazing how vulnerability can create connections.
**Interviewer:** what do you hope viewers take away from your documentary?
**Anne:** I hope they realize they’re not alone in their struggles with friendship. It’s a common experience, and opening up about our insecurities can foster deeper connections. If someone watches and feels inspired to reach out to a friend or reconsider their own friendship dynamics, then I’ll feel like I’ve achieved something meaningful.
U’ve gained a lot of insight through this journey. How have your expectations for friendships changed since starting this project?
**Anne:** They’ve changed significantly! I used to feel let down if friends couldn’t meet up as often as I’d hoped, but I’ve come to understand that everyone’s lives evolve—they’re starting families, moving away, and simply getting busier. Adjusting my expectations allowed me to appreciate the friendships I do have rather than focusing on what I lack.
**Interviewer:** That’s a healthy realization. In the documentary, you openly shared your feelings of loneliness, especially around social events like New Year’s Eve and festivals. How did those experiences affect you?
**Anne:** It was difficult, to be honest. There were times I felt embarrassed about having no one to share those moments with. I even lied about going to festivals to avoid feeling judged. Sharing this in the documentary was part of my healing process. It helped me to acknowledge my feelings and, in turn, encouraged others to open up to me as well.
**Interviewer:** It’s brave to confront those feelings. You mention your older boyfriend and how that dynamic plays a role in your social life. How do you think his age affects your need for friendships?
**Anne:** His being older has created a gap in our social activities; he’s not interested in the bustling festival scene anymore. While he provides emotional support, I often find myself craving companionship that aligns more with my social interests. This gap highlighted my need to seek friendships outside of our relationship.
**Interviewer:** It sounds like the documentary has not only been a form of self-reflection for you but also a way of connecting with others who share similar struggles. What’s your hope for viewers who watch it?
**Anne:** I hope they find comfort in knowing they’re not alone in feeling disconnected. I want to encourage openness—whether it’s about loneliness, friendships, or even the fear of not being liked. My journey has taught me that vulnerability can lead to deeper connections, and I hope to inspire others to reach out and build those connections in their lives.
**Interviewer:** That’s a beautiful message, Anne. Thank you for sharing your story and insights with us. We look forward to watching *Anne is Looking for Friends* and seeing how your journey unfolds.
**Anne:** Thank you! I’m excited to share this part of my life and hopefully encourage others to reflect on their own friendship journeys.