I am skeptical regarding this holiday, although I love flowers and sincerely rejoice at them.
About the fact that the original meaning of the holiday is distorted to its complete opposite, only the lazy did not write, what can I add here, a tautology.
I’ll tell you something else. My husband came from a family where gender differences were, as was customary in those days, the basis of family life. The father-in-law quite sincerely said that a woman is by nature closer to flowers than to people (c). No redneck, he has a red diploma from the Mechanics and Mathematics Department of Moscow State University and the star of the Hero of the Soviet Union (not to be confused with the Hero of Russia). And he himself grew up in a completely same-sex family, he was raised by his mother and older sister. The mother-in-law from the family of a very prominent party worker, at one time she was denied the geological education that she dreamed of, under the motto “this is not a woman’s business.”
If you think that my mother-in-law is some kind of downtrodden and unhappy housewife, you are mistaken. She became quite a successful chemist, not looking up from the role of wife, mother and, of course, a housewife. Her views were beautifully expressed by Count Grant: “He is a man. Men have no rights.” No, this is not a joke. Although I’m not even sure she watched Downton Abbey.
Whenever my mother-in-law asked me to help with the treatment of another alcoholic cousin (she has some unthinkable number of relatives), she quite sincerely explained:
“Well, what should he do, he doesn’t have a wife!”
As an option:
“He is so unlucky with his wife! – read: the wife left, refusing to delve into the rich inner world and treat for alcoholism.
For the first ten years of my family life, my mother-in-law sincerely tried to force her husband (her son) to do something or not to do something through me. Up to the development of his desired habits. To which I received the answer that I was actually a wife, not a mom. But the mother-in-law sincerely did not see the difference.
Do you think it was an unhappy marriage? Not at all. That is, the father-in-law knows how to swear like no one else, this is expressed not in vulgar yells and insults, but in a deathly silence that lasts for months. Which, in general, did not change anything much in the family way of life: the work was done, the household was housekeeping, the child grew up. This well-functioning mechanism did not imply any communications. And so it continues to this day, more than fifty years.
The father-in-law periodically complains that he is surrounded by three women who cannot agree in any way, and therefore he is poor, unhappy. These women: his wife, his sister and his son’s wife, that is, me. Why he wrote me here, I have no idea, and I communicate with him quite rarely and I try not to resolve any issues with him, because it is fraught. But between his wife and sister there has always been wild jealousy, successfully fueled by the father-in-law himself. I suspect it flatters his vanity.
As you understand, the husband, who grew up in such a family, had very peculiar views on the world order. For example, he sincerely believed that dirty socks and plates somehow become clean on their own and end up in the right box. On the other hand, he had and still has enough adaptability to survive in my society. He even got used to throwing torn socks in the trash – in the first days of marriage, he hoped to see me mending. The gender inequality I organized in the family does not bother him in any way, because it does not affect him. Of course, he expressed dissatisfaction when I explained to my sons that the order in the house and the presence of delicious food in it was their sole concern. But rather quickly waved his hand and began to brazenly use it. All our children are sure that the household is a man’s business. And raising babies is two-thirds male. At least the younger brother and daughter were largely raised by older brothers with the active help of dad. Now they are trying to teach their daughter to the idea that a vacuum cleaner and a mop are her best friends, but quite unsuccessfully. Claims are regularly rolled out to me that I raised a princess. Yes, I don’t mind. And I don’t feel guilty.
The most touching thing in relations with the husband’s relatives is the evolution of the views of the father-in-law. It all started with the fact that he sincerely and truly forbade me from getting a driver’s license, because the children need me and should not risk myself (direct quote). To my question: who, in fact, is he to forbid me something, he was offended. Although why would? And now he believes that all more or less serious accomplishments on the part of our family are organized only by me and turns to me directly for help. This is not true, it’s just that the older the husband, the more difficult it is to communicate, especially with his beloved parents. That is why it is faster and more productive to present the problem to me. But our family is not as simple as the naive father-in-law thinks.
In general, what are these holiday stories regarding? Once upon a time, I was very fond of the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears” with Gosha at the head. Now I am sad and scared for Katya, who fell in love with a disgusting drunk manipulator. Only a stupid and romantic girl will not see a banal threat to the psyche behind the delightful Batalov. The phrase “Everything and always I will decide for myself, on the basis that I am a man!” even uttered by a Batalovsky voice – a declaration of intent and a terrible vulgarity at the same time. And the only normal male person in this hell is Nikolai, Tosya’s husband. He is normal, because almost no one is interested and a little comical.
What am I to? Behind the wishes to be sweet, gentle, weak, beautiful, loved, to light the way, and all this has a very specific subtext: play the role assigned to you and do not stick your head out. Otherwise, the boys will be unhappy. I don’t want my daughter to grow up weak. Tenderness is a complicated thing, it should be the reverse side of strength. Be nice – read, be able to manipulate. A useful skill, but rather humiliating. How to look, she will decide for herself. Depending on the mood. About being loved is also a difficult question. Love is not an absolute value, it depends on who loves and whom he loves. By the way, one colleague, congratulating, said a very wise thing:
– I wish to be loved and to choose whom to love.
Not bad, although unrequited love from inadequate is a dangerous thing. Beautiful in novels, but terrible in real life. But I liked the idea. I would wish this for everyone, both men and women, there are definitely no gender differences here.
In general, if you clean the holiday from the husk, I would just congratulate everyone at once. With spring, which will surely come following the longest winter. And everything bound by the cold will begin to thaw. And the grass will grow once more…
