2024-01-10 13:36:18
When Cassandre Clermont-Moquin’s psychotic symptoms began to dissipate in August 2019, the young woman had no idea that she was beginning one of the most difficult stages of her fight once morest bipolarity: that of the first return to reality.
In the spring of the same year, Cassandre Clermont-Moquin left her partner and a job she loved to devote herself entirely to her spiritual quest. Without a fixed address, she slept with relatives or in her car. She analyzed the smallest details of her daily life, looking for clues that would allow her to access happiness and “light”.
“I had found a tarot card in the trash and thought it was a special invitation. So, I went to a place that I had decoded on the map. Obviously, once there, there was nothing,” she remembers.
One day in June 2019, while she was in the Laurentians, her condition deteriorated. Convinced of being pregnant following a one-night stand, she was looking for the sign that would seal this new love.
“I was in distress. I was looking for my wedding ceremony. I called my father and as my words were disjointed, he told me not to take the road and to go and rest in a local hotel until the next day,” says the woman who was aged 27 to the time.
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Hospitalized twice in one month
The next morning, Cassandre was admitted to Sainte-Agathe-des-Monts hospital. She remained there under observation for a month. Doctors confirmed that she was experiencing a first psychotic episode. It is estimated that around 3.5% of the population will experience it one day, mostly between the ages of 18 and 35.
When she was discharged on July 16, 2019, she moved to Montreal. She was fragile and still had psychotic symptoms.
“Through my symptoms, I had moments of lucidity which made me realize the seriousness of my situation,” she confides to 24 hours.
In this context, Cassandre had a suicidal crisis which led her to the emergency room of the Douglas Institute in Montreal. It was there, a little over a month following her first hospitalization, that she received a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, which affects only 1% of the population.
“The doctor made a big difference in my life. He changed my medications and I stopped having psychotic thoughts. It was the first time I got my head out of the water in a long time,” she emphasizes.
Bipolar disorder is characterized by significant fluctuations in mood. Difficulty concentrating, feelings of worthlessness, guilt and apathy are also among the symptoms that mingle with periods of exaltation.
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The difficult return to reality
After the diagnosis, Cassandre developed a plan to put her life back in order with the help of her father’s partner. Within a month, she found an apartment and a job in a café. She met a man who would become the father of her twins.
But if she felt like she was finally getting her life back in hand, this return to reality was very difficult.
“I mightn’t even write an email or string together ideas. Everything I had already done in my life seemed unknown to me. I no longer had repartee, no more speed of execution. I was slow, my brain was in Jell-O,” she explains.
“I was constantly very tired and very anxious. My self-confidence was really low. I had constant discomfort,” she adds.
The importance of listening to yourself
For more than a year following receiving her diagnosis of bipolarity, Cassandre found it difficult to see herself taking back the reins of her professional life. She nevertheless managed to land a recruitment position within the aeronautics firm Pratt and Whitney. She worked there for a few months before taking an obligatory break.
“I had to stop working for two weeks, because it was really stressful and I didn’t want to fart at the fret,” she explains.
Determined to improve her situation, she took advantage of these two weeks to “apply everywhere”. A marketing agency accepted his application. Shortly before taking up her position, however, she received an unexpected call: her former employer, the Strom Nordic Spa, offered her to return to her position. She has accepted.
“They were really understanding”
Cassandre believes she made the best decision possible by returning to work for the employer she left in 2019.
“I was able to explain that I really needed to take care of myself. Working following 5 p.m. was not possible. My new boss had a bipolar relative, so she understood my situation,” she explains.
Today, the young mother aged 32 is happy. She identifies this period of return to work and the birth of her twins as pivotal stages in what she describes as “reconstruction”. However, she knows that the illness might well cause her to experience a new crisis one day. There is no cure for bipolarity, even if medication and therapeutic monitoring help to control the disorder.
To buckle the buckle
Cassandre insists: those around her played a crucial role in difficult times. She therefore wants to speak to the loved ones of people struggling with psychotic symptoms.
“Don’t take things personal and stay in the love you have for that person. Because there are going to be things said that will destabilize. Actions that will be unacceptable. We must be aware of the fact that the person in a psychotic state does not have much control over themselves,” she points out.
And to people struggling with illness: “We must not accept our situation as inevitable. You have to talk regarding it and try to reach the best possible state without giving up. Just because we have more psychotic symptoms doesn’t mean our reality should be tarnished forever. But you have to be curious when looking for treatment and talk regarding it with the doctors,” she advises.
Cassandre will give her first professional conference for the Montreal Mental Health Association on January 23.
If you or your loved ones need help:
Bipolar disorder
JAP Clinic (CHUM)
(French)
Canadian Mental Health Association
www.acsmmontreal.qc.ca
(French and English)
Programme Open the doors du World Psychiatric Association
(English, Spanish, German, Greek, Italian and Portuguese)
British Columbia Schizophrenia Society
(English)
PEPP Montreal Program
(English and French)
Douglas Institute Mini-Psych School
(English and French)
Youth Wire Magazine
(French)
Schizophrenia and psychosis – Association of Psychiatrists of Quebec
(French)
La psychose – CAMH
(English and French)
Because Your Mind Matters
www.becauseyourmindmatters.ca
(English)
1704903793
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