A crying teenager can mean a lot of things. How to understand it better? And maintain the dialogue? Here are some interesting leads given by Véronique Kohn, psychologist.
The article below is the transcription of the video interview given by Véronique Kohn in this article.
A teenager cries a lot
Teenagers are more emotionally unstable and it’s normal. But beware, that does not mean that it should not be taken care of. Of course, you have to avoid being in “well, it’s normal, manage on your own”. To take good care of your teenager, it’s important to be around, and to maintain the right distance. What does it mean ? That means : I don’t do too much but I don’t do anything.
Above all, don’t leave it alone… but above all, don’t overdo it!
So it’s about monitoring without asking too invasive questions: “Are you okay or not? Do you want us to talk about it (when he or she cries)? Is that okay?” Either it’s OK or it’s not OK, but in the way of asking these questions, there is something like “I am here, I am available to you” . But without overdoing it, because when you overdo it, it can very well be received – especially among teenagers – by a feeling of “I feel overwhelmed by you”. The teenager could then think: “You want to think for me, you know for me what is good for me. You want to take power over me and that’s not ok.”
Giving too much advice: the mistake to avoid
So my advice really is to give space to the person to “go towards” rather than invade it. And this, often, parents do not realize. Indeed, when you are a father or a mother, you want to do so well that you invade the field of your teenagers or the people you love. In fact, here, we are talking about our teenagers, but this type of behavior, we can very well have it with our partner, our friends, to always want to provide advice. That’s not really good.