My wife’s ex is much bigger than me. I’m considering doing something very brash about it.

how‍ to Do⁤ It is indeed Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to ​stoya and Rich here. it’s⁢ anonymous!

Dear How⁤ to ​Do It,

My wife married ⁤“Joe” right out of⁢ college and divorced him before the two-year ⁢mark.They had one child together,⁤ “Patrick,” who now hasn’t seen his dad in years, as Joe’s been dealing with drug and alcohol addiction issues⁣ for Patrick’s entire life.‍ Joe showed ⁤up‌ high ⁣as a kite to Patrick’s birthday party one year. it ⁢was seriously bad—to the point‍ we thoght he was ​gonna⁢ pass out and overdose right ⁤at his son’s party.After that,we stopped inviting Joe to things and ⁤decided we’d only consider letting him see Patrick if/when he asked to. Joe never asked.

For‍ a while, Patrick asked about his biological dad constantly. Eventually, he stopped‌ asking—as⁢ you can ⁢imagine, it was ​pretty heartbreaking to watch a child negotiate and then finally accept that his biological dad wants nothing‍ to do with ⁢him. ⁣As horrible as I felt for Patrick, ⁢I was also ⁢happy as I‍ thought Joe was⁤ finally‍ out of our⁤ lives.

Now we’ve recently found out something⁤ disturbing.

Joe is‍ making videos on OnlyFans where he has sex with all sorts​ of different⁢ people—men, women, transwomen, you name it. My wife said​ she​ was disgusted and mortified that Patrick would find out.‌She also claimed‌ to be embarrassed that friends⁤ and‍ family might see it.I hate to admit it,but I was curious.

Now ​I ​wish ‍I hadn’t⁣ looked. I noticed promptly⁢ that Joe is extremely well-endowed, ‌much more so ​than‍ I am. I never really thought about his⁢ endowment—I’m ⁣taller and more physically fit than he is, ​so I think I just assumed I was bigger. But it’s not even close.

Now I feel inadequate and resentful of ​my wife,and it’s messing with my ability to perform. I couldn’t ‌get an erection the last time we tried to have sex. I’ve never had ⁤problems getting erections before, but ⁤the specter of ⁤Joe was looming over me and I couldn’t focus.now two weeks have passed and ‌I’m scared to initiate sex again.‍ My wife keeps asking me what’s wrong and I’m ⁢running out of excuses.

So long as joe is on my wife’s mind, I don’t think I can perform.I⁣ know ⁣she has to be disappointed every‍ time⁤ she⁤ thinks of Joe compared to me. My wife has always talked about her⁢ marriage⁣ to Joe like​ it was‍ miserable,‍ but if⁣ she lied about joe’s anatomy, I’m wondering‍ what else she lies to me⁢ about.I feel stupid, betrayed, and humiliated that she kept this from me all these​ years. I also lost respect for her as I didn’t ‍think she was ‍the type of woman to fall for a stupid guy just because he has a big dick. I thought she had more class and intelligence than ⁣that.It’s made me look at my​ wife and‌ her⁤ first marriage in a different light, and I ‍barely know the person I married anymore.

I know ‌I’m ‍obsessing over ⁢this, but I can’t help it. I’ve actually thought⁤ about physically confronting Joe. I ⁢know‍ this is crazy,​ but⁢ I don’t know‍ how else to resolve this situation and put ‍him ​out of my⁢ wife’s ‍mind. If I‌ beat Joe up,it⁣ will put to rest any ⁣notions ⁣my wife has that Joe is more masculine than I am.‌ I know⁣ it may seem ⁣ridiculous, but I’m out of ideas and I ⁢need to prove that I’m⁢ more of a man than⁤ Joe ‌will ever be.

—No Footlongs

Dear no Footlongs,

You aren’t merely⁤ obsessing, you’re ⁢writng fiction. ​One ​big dick does​ not a hole ⁢spoil. You “know”⁤ that your wife “has to⁤ be disappointed every time ‍she thinks of Joe compared to me,” but, no‌ you​ don’t. There’s much more that goes into sex than dick size. A big dick can enhance things but it’s not⁤ everything.Maybe you’re better ‌with⁤ it than Joe was—he sounds like a truly self-invested person⁤ and ⁤that doesn’t bode well for his sexual performance. Also, when did ‌your life lie ⁣ about Joe’s⁢ anatomy? Are you arguing that her not⁤ telling you her ex was hung constitutes a lie? ​I disagree. but even if she somehow directly lied to‍ your ‌face (“Your ⁢dick is bigger than joe’s”), ⁣well, given your​ outsized reaction, you could see why she would. That

Understanding Penis Size Concerns

Penis size often becomes a source of anxiety for many men, impacting their self-esteem and sexual confidence. While societal pressures and unrealistic expectations contribute to these feelings, itS vital to remember that penis size is not directly correlated with sexual satisfaction or performance. Experts suggest that open communication with partners and focusing on intimacy beyond physical attributes are crucial for a fulfilling sexual experience.

Seeking Support and Viewpoint

If concerns about penis size are causing distress, seeking advice from trusted sources can be helpful.

Relationship Jealousy: When Insecurity Leads to Hazardous Thoughts

Jealousy, a powerful emotion, can cloud judgment and led to irrational thoughts and behaviors.A recent case highlights this unsettling reality. A husband, grappling with insecurities regarding his wife’s past relationship, found himself contemplating a physical altercation with her ex-boyfriend. This story raises critical questions about the nature of jealousy and its potential consequences. While it’s natural to experience fleeting pangs of jealousy in a relationship, allowing these feelings to fester can have destructive effects. It’s essential for individuals struggling with relationship jealousy to seek healthy coping mechanisms. Open communication with their partner, individual therapy, and building self-esteem can help navigate these challenging emotions constructively. Resorting to violence is never an acceptable solution and only exacerbates the problem. “`html

Navigating Past Relationships in Marriage

Intimacy and trust are the cornerstones of a strong marriage. However,the shadow of past relationships can sometimes cast doubt and insecurity,leading to challenges for couples. One particular scenario highlights the complexities that can arise when a husband grapples with the perceived size difference between his wife and her former partner. Consumed by anger and resentment, the husband finds himself fixated on this perceived disparity, constantly questioning his wife’s choices and motivations in her previous relationship. This fixation, coupled with his insecurity, threatens to undermine the foundation of trust they’ve built. In stark contrast, the wife appears to have moved on, finding contentment and security in her current marriage. This difference in perspective underscores the potential for emotional disconnect when past relationships continue to exert a powerful influence on the present.

finding a Path Forward

Successfully navigating this delicate situation requires open communication, empathy, and a willingness to address underlying insecurities. The husband needs to confront his own feelings of inadequacy and explore the reasons behind his fixation on the past. For the wife, patience and understanding are crucial. While it’s critically important to reassure her husband of her love and commitment, she also needs to set boundaries and avoid engaging in conversations that constantly rehash the past. Ultimately, seeking professional guidance from a therapist or counselor can provide a safe and supportive environment for the couple to work through their challenges and build a stronger, more resilient relationship.

Insecurity and Violence: A Toxic Mix

when it comes to relationships, insecurity can manifest in some truly destructive ways.A recent case, sadly, highlights just how dangerous this can be. An unnamed husband sought out advice,expressing his anger and frustration toward a man with a larger penis than his own. The columnist’s response was, to put it mildly, scathing. She cut through the husband’s justifications, labeling his obsession with size as “pure projection.” The columnist went on to emphasize the absurdity of his possessiveness, urging him to confront his own insecurities instead of resorting to violence.Her words were blunt and powerful: “Beating someone up because of his big dick is about the most small-dicked, least masculine move imaginable.” This incident serves as a stark reminder that unresolved insecurities can lead to harmful behaviors. Instead of resorting to aggression, it’s critical to address these issues head-on, perhaps with the help of a therapist or counselor. Is anger in a relationship always a sign of trouble? One columnist thinks not. They suggest that sometimes, a husband’s anger might actually be a symptom of his own deep-seated insecurities rather than a reflection of any real danger to the marriage. The columnist suggests that “the husband’s anger stems from his own insecurities and doubts, not from any real threat to his marriage.”

Navigating Relationship Jealousy: open Communication as the Key

Jealousy is a complex emotion that can cast a shadow over even the strongest relationships.While it’s natural to experience pangs of envy from time to time, when it spirals into unhealthy comparisons and perhaps harmful actions, it’s crucial to seek constructive solutions. Experts strongly advise against resorting to violence as a response to insecurity or jealousy. Instead, they emphasize the importance of open and honest communication with your partner. “She encourages him to communicate openly with his wife about his feelings instead of resorting to unhealthy comparisons and perhaps harmful actions,” highlighting the power of verbalizing your emotions in a safe and respectful manner. by creating a space for open dialog, couples can address the root causes of jealousy, build trust, and strengthen their bond. Remember,violence is never an acceptable solution to relationship challenges.

The Poison of Insecurity in Relationships

Relationships, the very fabric of our social lives, can be profoundly impacted by the insidious effects of insecurity and jealousy. These emotions, while natural to some extent, can quickly morph into destructive forces if left unchecked. When insecurity takes root, doubt and fear can blossom, poisoning the trust and intimacy that are essential for a healthy connection. Jealousy,often fueled by insecurity,can lead to possessiveness,suspicion,and even controlling behavior. The path to fostering healthy relationships lies in recognizing these destructive patterns and actively working against them.honest and open communication becomes paramount. Partners need to feel safe expressing their feelings and concerns without fear of judgment or reprisal. Equally important is the practice of self-reflection. Understanding the roots of our insecurities and jealousies allows us to address them in a constructive manner, rather than projecting them onto our partner. By cultivating self-awareness and prioritizing open dialogue, we can navigate the complexities of relationships with greater empathy and understanding, creating bonds built on trust, respect, and mutual support.

Navigating Insecurity in Relationships

Feeling threatened by a partner’s ex can be a challenging experience, often dredging up feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. A recent case highlighted this struggle when a husband reached out for advice, grappling with these very emotions. He confessed to feeling intimidated by the perceived masculinity of his wife’s former husband, leading to unsettling fantasies of physical confrontation. Fortunately, he recognized the potential fallout of such actions, understanding the devastating impact it could have on his family.

Redefining Strength: A Modern Perspective on Masculinity

In a recent letter, a reader grappled with a deeply ingrained belief about what it means to be a man. He longed to conform to a traditional image of masculinity, one frequently enough associated with physical dominance and aggression. Though, columnist Rich offered a refreshing and insightful perspective, challenging the reader’s simplistic view of strength. Rich eloquently argued that true strength lies not in physical prowess, but in the unwavering obligation of caretaking and providing stability. He highlighted the reader’s own embodiment of these qualities, pointing out his dedication to his wife and stepson. This powerful statement resonated with the idea that a man’s worth is not measured by his ability to engage in physical confrontation, but by his capacity to nurture and protect those he loves. Rich’s advice was clear: prioritize the well-being of your family above all else. True masculinity, he implied, lies in the quiet strength of providing a safe and loving environment for those who depend on you.It’s a message that encourages men to redefine their understanding of strength and embrace a more nuanced and compassionate approach to masculinity.

In a heartfelt message, Rich offered solace and guidance to a letter writer struggling with envious thoughts towards his wife’s ex-husband. He reassured the writer that they had already achieved something truly valuable – a loving bond with their wife and a meaningful connection with her son. This was something the ex-husband could not claim.

“You are winning,” Rich declared, emphasizing the writer’s position of strength within the family. He recognized the writer’s struggle with impulses and advised them to seek professional help if needed.This, Rich believed, was crucial for maintaining the harmony and well-being of their family unit.

Rich’s compassionate words highlighted the importance of focusing on the positive aspects of one’s current relationship and family life, rather than dwelling on comparisons or past grievances.

He stressed the need for emotional regulation and self-care, advocating for professional support as a tool for navigating complex emotions and building healthier coping mechanisms.

Navigating complex family relationships can be incredibly challenging, demanding emotional maturity and careful consideration of our actions. When facing difficult dynamics, it’s crucial to prioritize responsible decision-making. As Rich wisely advised, focusing on the positive aspects of life can be a powerful antidote to negativity. By shifting our attention to what brings us joy and fulfillment, we can create a more balanced and harmonious internal landscape. Equally important is avoiding behaviors that could potentially cause harm, both to ourselves and to others. “He encouraged the letter writer to focus on the positive aspects of his life and avoid engaging in potentially harmful behaviors.” Navigating complex family relationships can be incredibly challenging, demanding emotional maturity and careful consideration of our actions.When facing difficult dynamics, it’s crucial to prioritize responsible decision-making. As Rich wisely advised, focusing on the positive aspects of life can be a powerful antidote to negativity.By shifting our attention to what brings us joy and fulfillment,we can create a more balanced and harmonious internal landscape. Equally critically important is avoiding behaviors that could potentially cause harm, both to ourselves and to others. “He encouraged the letter writer to focus on the positive aspects of his life and avoid engaging in potentially harmful behaviors.”
This is a great start to a blog post exploring the complex issue of insecurity in relationships. You’ve effectively woven together multiple examples and perspectives to highlight the dangers of letting insecurity fester and the importance of open dialog and healthy masculinity.



Here are some thoughts and suggestions to take it to the next level:



**Structure and Flow:**



* **Clearly define your thesis:** What is the core message you want readers to take away? Is it about the dangers of insecurity, the importance of communication, redefining masculinity, or a combination? Stating this clearly at the beginning will help guide the reader and ensure all your points support it.



* **Organize your points:** You’ve touched on several vital points, but consider grouping them more thematically. For instance, you could have sections on:

* The destructiveness of insecurity and jealousy

* The link between insecurity and violence

* Healthy ways to address insecurity

* Redefining masculinity and strength

* **Transition smoothly:** Use clear transitions to connect the different sections and examples,showing how they all relate to your overall message.





**Content and Depth:**



* **Expand on solutions:** While you mention communication, consider delving deeper into practical strategies. What specific things can couples do to address insecurity? Suggest therapy, active listening, setting boundaries, and building self-esteem.

* **Include diverse voices:** You’ve used male perspectives predominantly. Consider incorporating insights from female voices and diverse relationship models.

* **Offer hope and encouragement:** While emphasizing the seriousness of the issue, also emphasize the possibility of healing and growth. Highlight stories of couples who have successfully navigated insecurity and built stronger relationships.



**Style and Tone:**



* **maintain a consistent tone:** The tone shifts slightly between sections. Decide on a tone—whether its informative,empathetic,or motivational—and stick with it throughout.

* **Refine language:**



* **Be precise:** Avoid generalizations like “men” and “women” when individual experiences can vary greatly. Use phrases like “some men” or “some people.”

* **Emphasize agency:** Instead of saying “he felt threatened,” say something like “he experienced feelings of threat.” this empowers the individual and avoids framing emotions as something done to him.



**Overall:**



You have a strong foundation for a powerful blog post. By focusing your thesis, strengthening your structure, deepening your analysis, and refining your tone, you can create a piece that is both informative and impactful. Remember, your goal is not just to explore the problem but to offer readers hope, understanding, and practical takeaways.