My Body Wants to Live
“My treatments have changed a lot physically. I lost my hair at the end of 2022, but I had prepared myself a bit for that. I not only bought a hairpiece – pet name Gradje – but I also had a headband made from my own hair: Freek. With Freek on I really felt like myself. In any case, I was actually quite a handsome bald person. That changed when my eyebrows and eyelashes also disappeared: suddenly, my entire facial expression was gone. I use makeup to feel like myself again, but I find it very confrontational that I now need products for that.
Before I got sick, I was in great shape; I even had a cube belly. Now, I can’t exercise as much as I would like and my doctor even told me to gain ten kilos. I needed that weight buffer for my treatments, I know that, but I notice I feel less good in this body. Less confident. I’m annoyed about that. Matthijs often tells me that I’m beautiful and I can tell he means it, so it must be true. But ideally, I would just like to have my old body back. That feels most like Eva.
Furthermore, my libido is at minus ten; I notice my body needs its energy for other things. Matthijs and I now seek our intimacy in other ways. We hug and kiss a lot, and we prefer to sit cuddled up on the couch. Fortunately, we can talk very well about these changes in our relationship. I think that is important because I want to continue to see Matthijs as an equal partner, not just as my support and refuge.”
Whole Lives in My Naps
“When using the fragments of
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When I’m no longer here, I hope he gets a new girlfriend. I understand that he has to grieve for a while, but I hope he will start a family. Matthijs and I have known what was coming for years, so we are both already in the middle of that farewell process. As far as I’m concerned, these kinds of thoughts are also part of it. Others may have an opinion about a new girlfriend and will think it’s ‘fast,’ but that’s just how it is. I really wish him a new love.
Being sick involves a lot of waiting and watching, but I don’t see that time as wasted. Having to wait for a result is okay, because such a result gives me a little more certainty. I see time as something that gives me space, although I know very well that I have less and less of it. Making plans for the future is difficult because I don’t really want to look further than a few weeks ahead.
I try not to think too much about the life I could have had without cancer because I know it is unattainable. And yet it sometimes happens. Then I live entire lives in one of my afternoon naps. After my studies, I would have found work as a graphic designer, then Matthijs and I would have bought a house together. And then, after a while, hopefully having children. Very standard actually. It would of course be better if I had never gotten that cancer, but I still really like the life I have now. I have become much more aware of the people around me. What I find very annoying is when people compare my cancer to that of an eighty-year-old. That is really different: that person has already been able to live a whole life, perhaps had children. Of course
How has Eva’s cancer treatment affected her body image?
## The Price of Healing: A Woman’s Body Undergoes Transformation During Cancer Treatment
**(Open with gentle, uplifting music as we see a montage of pictures showing a woman, Eva, before and during her cancer treatment.)**
**Host:** Eva, thank you for joining us today. Can you tell us about your journey during treatment and the physical changes you’ve experienced?
**Eva:** It’s been a rollercoaster, that’s for sure. Physically, things have changed dramatically. I lost my hair, which was tough, but I was prepared for that. I actually got a hairpiece and a headband made from my own hair to help me feel more like myself.
**Host:** That’s so resourceful and empowering.
**(Image of Eva wearing her headband)**
**Eva:** It helped, especially at first. But then, my eyebrows and eyelashes disappeared, and that really changed things. My facial expressions were gone, and I started using makeup to feel more like myself again.
**(Image of Eva applying makeup)**
**Eva:** It’s a bit jarring, though. Before, I was really proud of my natural look, and now I feel like I need these products just to feel okay.
**Host:** It’s understandable that you feel that way.
**(Transition to a photo of Eva working out)**
**Host:** You also mentioned changes to your body composition.
**Eva:** Yeah, I was very fit before treatment. I could exercise regularly, which I loved. Now, my doctor even told me to gain weight to endure the treatments.
**(Image of Eva and her partner, Matthijs, cuddled on the couch)**
**Host:** That must be a difficult adjustment. How has it affected your relationship with your partner?
**Eva:** It’s been an adjustment, for sure. My libido has taken a hit, which is frustrating, but Matthijs is incredibly supportive. We’ve found other ways to be intimate and close.
**Host:** It’s inspiring to see the strength and resilience you’ve shown throughout this journey.
**(Close on a photo of Eva smiling)
**Host:** Thank you, Eva, for sharing your story. It’s a powerful reminder that beauty goes beyond physical appearance. It’s about inner strength, resilience, and the power of love.
**(End with uplifting music.)**
