Finding Light After Loss: One Family’s Journey Through Stillbirth and Healing
For Anna and Yan Shill, 2022 began with the joy of expecting their first child and ended with the heartbreak of losing their baby boy, Willem, to a rare medical condition. Willem was born stillborn due to a complication where the umbilical cord stopped blood flow prior to or during delivery.
“We had no complications during my first pregnancy, and our hospital team was amazing,” Anna said. “Even after Willem was delivered, the team helped me through the initial steps of being with our son for days, arranging medical counselling and funeral planning.”
While the hospital provided immediate care and support, Anna soon realized that the medical system offered little in the way of resources for navigating the profound grief that followed.
“When you’re pregnant, there are ultrasound appointments, medical check-ins, family visits, Lamaze classes, and even more if you are discovered to have complications. But weeks and months after you experience a lost pregnancy, it’s so easy to find yourself alone and in a dark place,” she reflects.
Tragically, the Shills are not alone. About seven in every 1,000 babies in Canada are stillborn, leaving families unprepared and often unaware of the support networks available to help them through such a devastating experience.
After suffering from panic attacks and night terrors in the wake of Willem’s death, Anna was referred to the Pacific Perinatal Foundation (PPF). This Victoria-based organization provides support, advocacy, and community to individuals and families facing infertility, pregnancy loss, and other perinatal challenges. Through PPF, Anna received essential grief counselling.
Bridging the Gap: Addressing the Need for Perinatal Support
Brid Shine, a counsellor at PPF, underscores the critical need for structured support groups after perinatal loss.
“In this province and across Canada, there is such a lack of structure in place to help those who go through such a significant loss,” she says.
“There’s so much horror, trauma, and irrational guilt that happens after the death of a child. Families need structured support to get them to a place where they can properly grieve and then heal.”
Shine emphasizes that PPF strives to fill this void for people across Vancouver Island, integrating both hospital and community-based services to offer a well-rounded approach to healing.
This approach recognizes that the grief journey is multifaceted, encompassing clinical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual dimensions.
The Shills’ story doesn’t end with loss, however. After two more miscarriages, they are now the proud parents of a healthy, three-month-old son named James. Their path to parenthood has been arduous, but PPF’s support has been instrumental.
For families navigating the darkness of perinatal loss, organizations like PPF provide a beacon of hope, reminding them they are not alone on their journey to healing.
Visit pacificperinatalfoundation.com to learn how to support the organization.
What advice would the Shills give to other families who are going through the experience of stillbirth?
## Finding Light After Loss: A Conversation with the Shills
**Introduction:**
Welcome back to the show, everyone. Today, we’re joined by Anna and Yan Shill, whose story of loss and resilience will hopefully shed light on a difficult topic: stillbirth. In 2022, the Shills experienced the unimaginable loss of their son, Willem, born stillborn due to a complication with the umbilical cord. Since then, they have been actively advocating for better support networks for families dealing with similar tragedies.
**Interviewer:** Anna and Yan, thank you for sharing your story with us today. Can you tell us a little bit about Willem and how you discovered the devastating news about his passing?
**Anna:** Of course. Willem was our first child, and we were overjoyed throughout the pregnancy. It wasn’t until the very end, during labour, that we learned about the umbilical cord complication. It was a complete shock.
**Interviewer:** I can only imagine the pain and confusion you must have felt. You mentioned that the hospital team was supportive in the immediate aftermath. What about in the weeks and months following Willem’s loss? Did you feel adequately supported?
**Yan:** The hospital staff was incredibly kind and helpful in those first few days. But afterwards, we realized how limited the resources for grief support are within the medical system.
**Anna:** There were so many resources available during the pregnancy itself – appointments, classes, support groups. But once Willem was gone, those resources seemed to disappear. It was like falling into a black hole of grief with no one to help us navigate it.
**Interviewer:** That’s a powerful point. Many people are unaware of the prevalence of stillbirth. You mentioned that it affects about seven in every 1,000 babies in Canada. How did you cope with this unexpected loss, and what resources did you ultimately find helpful? [[1](https://www.butterflykissesalliance.org/)]
**Anna:** It was a long and difficult journey. We struggled with panic attacks, night terrors, and deep sadness. Eventually, we found solace in connecting with organizations like Butterfly Kisses Alliance. They provide invaluable support, resources, and a community of people who understand our pain firsthand.
**Interviewer:** It’s so important to have that community and sense of connection when going through something so traumatic. What message would you like to convey to other families who have experienced stillbirth?
**Yan:** You’re not alone. Even though it feels isolating, know that there are people who care and want to help. Don’t be afraid to reach out for support, whether it’s through online communities, therapy, or organizations like Butterfly Kisses Alliance.
**Interviewer:** That’s a beautiful message of hope. Thank you both for your bravery in sharing your story. We hope your story raises awareness about this important issue and encourages more families to seek out the support they deserve.
