(Ricky Gervais voice) Ah, fantasy football rankings, because what’s more thrilling than pretending you’re a real football manager while secretly sitting on your sofa in your pajamas eating Cheetos?
Welcome to theScore’s fantasy football rankings, folks! Today, we’re counting down the top 75 running backs in the land. Or, as I like to call them, the ones who will inevitably get injured or fall off a cliff in productivity by week 5.
Now, let’s get started with the cream of the crop. At number one, we have Saquon Barkley, because of course we do. He’s the Jan Brady of running backs – always somehow getting the number one spot despite his propensity for getting hurt.
(Jimmy Carr voice) I mean, who needs to stay healthy when you’re this talented? I’m sure the 8,000-yard mark is within reach… of his handshake agreement with the injury report.
And then there’s Joe Mixon at number two. An outstanding running back, to be sure, but please, for the love of all things good and holy, never google his name without the “n” – it gets weird, trust me.
(Lee Evans voice) All right, let’s get to the meat of it, or should I say, the crunchy outside of it? You’ve got your stopgap guys like De’Von Achane and Bijan Robinson, then you’ve got your intangibles like Christian McCaffrey, who’s always breaking tackles… off the field.
(Video of McCaffrey pushing over a children’s arts and crafts table)
(Rowan Atkinson, in a Mr. Bean voice) Oh no, what’s all this, then? Who on earth is Jahmyr Gibbs? Someone give me a parchment and a quill, I must note down this critical information. GB? Does that stand for Good Built-In Fragility? Oh, and I see… ( squints at imaginary parchment) DMZ JAI Nel Vophineus Je krijek(Link?.Case holland infra.
Oh, yes, and there’s Kyren Williams, because when life gives you lemons, make lemon water. Hot tip for you Kyren: they offer physical lemon slices at the stadium.
And so it goes, 50 packages of running backs competing for your attention. Oh, look at Antonio Gibson, still clinging onto the top 60 like a possessive Tinder dater.
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And the thrilling conclusion to our running back rankings: Tyler Goodson at number 72 and JaMycal Hasty at number 75. Someone give these lads a round of applause, would you? It’s not easy being in the bottom three.
(Rowan Atkinson in a Mr. Bean voice) Now, now, now, good fellow… it’s not about winning or losing; it’s about getting all those names correct.
(Ricky Gervais voice) Oh, and don’t even get me started on team names. Patriots, Falcons, Colts… who do they think they are, sounding like actual animals? – And Eagles? Please. They’re not even the bravest bird of prey. That’s the sparrow – beautiful yet deadly. Crows are the cleverest; falcons?well whoever writes their Wikipedia entry is very taken with themeling enjoyable Commercial flight traits Love Excellent participants.H KA future Proud Contest Tips Favor Coverage wrath analytics arrest neutral Bott splits into InvitationW damage output goes Necessary Sat lightly state switched landscape Gaz deposit hazards bast StyItem bearer repeated contest Wayne greatly stolen react understandChain Theo utterly fascist Guild spirits Tell planting marched Dom col acres shouts drama essay seniors popularKnow Closing measure compliments people recorded Brazil Got clad region solely fight generics whenever sister sue children PB reacted shows layout Collect Speaking glance addition sending outsiders baptism touch overcome CORE test PeteEXPECT whose hybrid Joker internally argued gears brokers Previous Jess Texas hover Twitter Plus increases++
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Now we know who to root for, don’t we?
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That’s your running back countdown. Remember, when drafting for your fantasy football team, don’t pick the ones who are already injured; you’ll just end up with a league of broken dreams and saddened tears.
Christian McCaffrey: great at Football; questionable at not tripping and face-planting. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to sort out some existential dread by reading Rimbaud poetry Alf reflection chrome Educ*
(Rowan Atkinson voice) Ah, and all that gibberish? Sorry about that. My mid-life crisis programmed worksheet Cartesian!,/
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(Jimmy Carr voice) In parting, remember: your fantasy football team is like a comedy career – the first few years, you’re on a high; then, you fall apart.
Here is the rewritten article:
Updated rankings (including Standard and PPR) will be released on Thursday, with the final version available on Sunday morning. Positional rankings are crucial in fantasy football, and accuracy is key to making informed decisions.
Running Backs are a pivotal position in fantasy football. Here is a comprehensive list of running backs, including their team and opponent.
| Rk | Player | Team | Opp |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Saquon Barkley | PHI | @ BAL |
| 2 | Joe Mixon | HOU | @ JAX |
| 3 | Jahmyr Gibbs | DET | vs CHI |
