(in a dry, witty tone, a la Jimmy Carr) Ah, Jean-Marie Le Pen, the 96-year-old former president of the National Front, because who doesn’t love a good far-right party? (chuckles) Sorry, I had to. Anyway, it seems the old chap’s health has been on the decline, and his entourage is keen to deny rumors that he’s bedridden. I mean, who doesn’t love a good bedside vigil, right? (smirking)
(cut to Rowan Atkinson-esque impressions) Oh dear, oh dear, poor Jean-Marie, all of 96 years young… (in a silly voice) “He’s 96, you know!” (back to normal voice) Ah, yes, Marine Le Pen, his daughter, has indicated that her father’s hospitalization is just a regular thing. You know, like a spa day, but with more beeping machines. (smirks)
And the rumors, oh the rumors! “Unfounded,” they say. Ah, but that’s what they all say, don’t they? (winking) I mean, it’s not like they’d want to reveal the truth about the old boy’s, ahem, “health.” (making air quotes) “Health.”
(cut to Ricky Gervais-style commentary) You know, it’s funny, when you think about it. This guy, who’s basically the French equivalent of a… (pauses for comedic effect) … somewhat less charming version of me, has been spewing hate speech for years, and now his own health is deteriorating faster than his popularity. Karma’s a beautiful thing, innit? (smirking)
And what’s this? A medical expertise has deemed him not capable of giving consent? Ah, poor Jean-Marie, it seems he’s lost his… (dramatic pause) autonomy! (in a high-pitched voice) Oh no! (back to normal voice) I mean, I’ve heard of losing one’s faculties, but this is just ridiculous.
(cut to Lee Evans-style ranting) And what’s with this “protection mandate” business? A guardianship? It sounds like they’re trying to keep him in a padded cell, for his own good, of course! (sarcastically) Oh, yes, because nothing says “tough love” like a 96-year-old man having his daughters make decisions for him. I mean, it’s not like he’s got a few… (clears throat) colorful opinions, or anything.
In conclusion, it seems Jean-Marie Le Pen’s health is, shall we say, (tactfully) deteriorating. But don’t worry, his daughters are on top of it, because, you know, family is all about making tough decisions for you when you can’t make them yourself… (smirking) or, in this case, when you’re too busy being a… (whispers) horrible person.
(cut to all four comedians in a fake news desk setting)
Jimmy Carr: And that’s the way it is, folks!
Rowan Atkinson (in character as Edmund Blackadder): Ah, yes, the Le Pen family: where diplomacy and tact go to die…
Ricky Gervais: (smirking) And I’m not saying Jean-Marie Le Pen’s a bad egg, but… actually, I am. He’s a terrible egg.
Lee Evans: (laughing) And it’s not just the egg, mate! It’s the whole bloody omelette!
All: (laughing)
By Le Figaro with AFP
Published on November 13, 2024 at 2:54 p.m., updated at 4:52 p.m.
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His entourage wanted to deny rumors about the supposed bedridden state of the former president of the National Front, aged 96.
Jean-Marie Le Pen, 96, is hospitalized for treatment «analyses»his entourage told AFP, his daughter Marine Le Pen indicating that her father had been taken care of since “Thursday night”.
“He is 96 years old and he is hospitalized on a regular basis. There is nothing more or less than the episodes we have already experienced”declared Marine Le Pen to several journalists, on the sidelines of the criminal court hearing before which she appeared.
“There are ups and downs”indicated another source, who nevertheless denied rumors “unfounded” as for the supposed bedridden state of the finalist in the 2002 presidential election.
“Not capable of giving consent”
The founder of the National Front, which became the National Rally, has seen his health deteriorate for several years. Prosecuted in the case of the assistants of RN MEPs for which his daughter and the party are currently being tried, his case was «disjoint» after a medical expertise had noted “a profound deterioration” of his physical and psychological state, believing that he was not able or “to be present”nor of “prepare your defense”.
“It is established that (Jean-Marie Le Pen) is not capable of giving consent to any act whatsoever”Marine Le Pen had indicated at the end of September, at the opening of the trial.
The latter, as well as her two sisters Marie-Caroline and Yann Le Pen, are the beneficiaries of a “protection mandate” – a measure comparable to guardianship – since mid-February, which allows them to carry out various acts in the name of their father, alone or in concert.