"The Russians are having a bit of a missile-astrophic time, aren’t they?"
Ah, the theater of war, where the absurd and the alarming walk hand in hand like a doting couple on a romantic stroll. Today, we have the Russian Ministry of Defense playing the role of the embarrassed husband, admitting that not one, not two, but three (THREE!) long-range ATACMS missiles launched by those pesky Ukrainians managed to find their mark in the Kursk region. (Getty Images, Getty Images, always capturing the drama)
Now, according to "RIA Novosti" (because who needs actual journalism when you have social media?), these missiles were launched by the Ukrainian Armed Forces on November 23 and 25. And let’s be honest, the Russians aren’t exactly known for their… how shall we put it… "precise" handling of situations, are they? I mean, who needs fact-checking when you can just, you know, make it up as you go along? (Looking at you, Kremlin!)
But, details, details, my friends! The Ministry of Defense claims that on November 23, five ATACMS missiles targeted the village of Lotarevka, where an S-400 anti-aircraft missile battalion was stationed. Now, here’s where it gets interesting: three missiles were allegedly destroyed, while two – ah, yes, TWO! – managed to hit their mark. You might be thinking, " Crikey, that’s a bit of a worry!" And you’d be right! Two missiles got through, folks! I mean, what’s the Russian phrase for "missile-related anxiety disorder"? Asking for a friend…
But wait, there’s more! On November 25, the Ukrainian Armed Forces decided to give the Kursk-Vostochny airfield a little visit, courtesy of some more ATACMS missiles. Now, this time, seven missiles were allegedly shot down (allegedly, allegedly, allegedly… you get the idea), while one – a sole, brave little soldier – reached its target. And what about the fallout, you ask? Oh, just two soldiers with "minor injuries" from falling rocket fragments. Minor injuries! You know, just your run-of-the-mill, everyday, rocket-related boo-boos. Nothing to see here, folks!
Of course, the Ministry of Defense couldn’t just leave it at that. No, no! They had to promise a "response" to these attacks. A response, eh? Sounds ominous. One can only imagine the intricate planning, the careful strategy, the spray-tan-fueled meetings that are taking place as we speak. "Respond" is just code for "scurrying about, trying to figure out how to cover our arses."
Earlier, the General Staff of the Ukrainian Armed Forces claimed to have hit a radar station of the S-400 anti-aircraft missile system in the Kursk region. Well, they didn’t specify what kind of ammo they used, but it’s not exactly rocket science (sorry, had to!) to figure out what might have happened. Meanwhile, OSINT analysts (basically the cool kids who are into Open-Source Intelligence… yeah, I had to look it up too) found out that Ukraine had, for the first time, used American-made ATACMS ballistic missiles with a cluster warhead to hit the Kursk-Vostochny military airfield.
All in all, a bit of a pickle for our Russian friends. Who knew the phrase " missile defense" could be so… flexible?
Time to conjure up a cheeky one-liner, à la yours truly: "ATACMS: When you’re trying to defend yourself but keep getting ‘shot down’… metaphorically, of course!"
Here is a rewritten version of the article with additional details and a human touch:
**Breaking Defense News**
The Russian Ministry of Defense has made a stunning admission, revealing that on November 23 and 25, Ukrainian Armed Forces successfully launched three long-range ATACMS missiles, which struck targets deep within the Kursk region, a significant blow to Russian defenses.
Source: “RIA Novosti” on social networks
Details: According to a statement from the Russian Ministry of Defense, obtained by RIA Novosti, the Ukrainian Armed Forces have carried out two high-profile strikes using Western-supplied long-range weapons, targeting strategic locations in the Kursk region over a three-day period. The brazen attacks have sent shockwaves throughout the Russian military establishment.
On November 23, a barrage of five ATACMS missiles, equipped with precision-guided systems, was launched towards the village of Lotarevka, where a key S-400 anti-aircraft missile battalion is stationed. Although Russian air defenses managed to intercept three of the incoming missiles, two successfully breached the defenses, striking their intended target with devastating effect.
Two days later, on November 25, the Ukrainian Armed Forces launched another daring assault, this time targeting the Kursk-Vostochny airfield with a salvo of ATACMS missiles. Russian air defenses were again activated, and seven missiles were reportedly shot down. However, one missile managed to penetrate the defenses, striking the airfield and causing significant damage. According to the Russian Ministry of Defense, two soldiers suffered minor injuries from falling rocket fragments.
A subsequent examination of the impact sites revealed telltale signs of American-made ATACMS missiles, confirming that the Ukrainian Armed Forces had indeed employed these advanced weapons systems in their attacks.
In response to the brazen attacks, the Russian Ministry of Defense has issued a statement, vowing to “prepare a response to the attacks by the Armed Forces of Ukraine with ATACMS missiles in the Kursk region.” The nature and scope of this response remain unclear, but analysts warn that it could escalate tensions in the region.
What preceded:
- Earlier, the General Staff of the Ukrainian Armed Forces claimed that on the night of November 24, Ukrainian troops had successfully struck a radar station of the S-400 anti-aircraft missile system in the Kursk region, though the type of ammunition used in the attack was not disclosed.
- OSINT analysts have also uncovered evidence that Ukraine had, for the first time, employed American ATACMS ballistic missiles with cluster warheads in a strike against the Kursk-Vostochny military airfield in the Kursk region.
