(Opening music plays as I, a hybrid of Jimmy Carr, Rowan Atkinson, Ricky Gervais, and Lee Evans, walk onto the stage with a cheeky grin)
Jimmy Carr’s dry wit kicks in: Ah, great, more bad news for the Autoland Deutschland patient. It’s not just feeling a bit under the weather; it’s got a blooming high fever! Thousands of cars, just sitting around, waiting for someone, anyone, to buy them. I mean, what’s the German word for "glut"? Ah yes, " Überschuss" – or is that just the name of a dodgy German beer?
(Rowan Atkinson’s bumbling antics take over)
Rowan Atkinson (Mr. Bean style): Oooh, cars, cars, everywhere! And not a buyer in sight! You know, I once bought a car, and it was a disaster. (mimes trying to drive a car, struggling) I tried to drive it, but it wouldn’t budge. Turns out, I forgot to put petrol in it. (chuckles) Ah, but I digress. When will people learn that just because you build it, doesn’t mean they’ll come?
(Ricky Gervais’s sarcasm takes center stage)
Ricky Gervais: So, "there are a lot of cars here that were delivered over six months ago." Oh, that’s brilliant! That’s like me selling tickets to a gig and then realizing I forgot to invite any bloody people! You’d think the car manufacturers would be like, "Hang on, maybe we’ve made a bit of a boo-boo here." But no, they just keep churning them out like there’s no tomorrow.
(Lee Evans’s observational humor kicks in)
Lee Evans: You know, I went to the Essen city harbor, and it’s like a giant car park… without the people. Just thousands of shiny new cars, waiting for someone to love them. It’s like a scene from "Toys for Tots" but instead of Barbie dolls and action figures, it’s VWs and Audis. I mean, what’s the resale value on these babies? "I’ll take a free VW, but only if you throw in a nice pair of golf clubs and a set of steak knives."
(Combining our voices)
The Hybrid: Alright, alright, let’s get to the bottom line. So, what’s the reason for this new car traffic jam? Ah yes, it’s simple: "no one wants to buy them anymore!" (Collective laughter) Ah, the classic mistake: building something without checking if anyone wants it. That’s like us doing a comedy show without researching our audience… oh wait, that’s what we do (wink, wink).
Serious for a moment: But, of course, this has serious consequences. Jobs are at stake, and manufacturers are getting anxious. I mean, who wants to be stuck with thousands of unsold cars, eh? Sounds like a logistics nightmare! According to experts, it’s not all doom and gloom, though. Manufacturers might try to offload hard-to-sell models with discounts. So, keep an eye out for those bargain-hunting enthusiasts!
Finishing with Jimmy Carr’s catchphrase: Well, there you have it, folks. It’s not all "roads and roses" for the German automotive industry, is it? Ah, who needs a high fever when you’ve got a garage full of unwanted cars?
Here’s the rewritten article with added details and uniqueness:
Cars as far as the eye can see, a dire situation unfolding in Autoland Deutschland…
New bad news reaches us every day: possible salary cuts and factory closures loom, threatening thousands of jobs at manufacturers and suppliers. The once-thriving Autoland Deutschland is now grappling with a severe crisis, its “patient” showing alarming symptoms of a high fever.
An aerial photo from CAT Automobillogistik near the Essen city harbor (NRW) reveals the shocking reality. Thousands of brand-new cars, worth millions of euros, sit idle, awaiting buyers who seem to have vanished into thin air.
No more space: the logistics nightmare
Almost 6,000 high-end new cars are stranded on the massive site in northern Essen, a transshipment point for major car manufacturers in West Germany. The logistics company, with a long history of efficiency, is now facing an unprecedented crisis: it has run out of space to store the influx of new vehicles. “I’ve never experienced anything like this in over a decade of working here,” a perplexed employee revealed to BILD. “Cars keep arriving, but hardly any are leaving.”
The employee’s concerns are echoed by the sight of fully loaded transporters still parked on the premises, even after the weekend, with no signs of departing for delivery on Monday morning. This logjam is further compounded by the fact that car manufacturers’ exhibition areas are also closed, leaving the logistics company with no choice but to store the vehicles on-site.
The transporters are fully loaded on the transshipment site in Essen, a testament to the industry’s woes
Photo: ANC-NEWS – Justin Brosch
Millions of euros in limbo
Almost all parking spaces, including those allocated for electric vehicles, are now occupied. The numerous large car transporters behind the guardhouse on the site are also fully loaded, leaving no room for new arrivals. This means that a staggering asset, valued at least 300 million euros, is effectively “rotting away” on the transshipment site. The employee estimates that some of these cars have been waiting for over six months, with a few even lingering for more than a year.
The root cause of this new car traffic jam is stark: nobody wants to buy them anymore! “There are a lot of cars here that were delivered over six months ago. We even have new cars here now that have been here for more than a year,” the employee laments. The main culprits behind this crisis are the expensive Volkswagens and Audis, which are failing to attract buyers due to their hefty price tags and the perceived shortcomings of the e-car strategy.
The Audi and VW conundrum
According to the latest figures from the Federal Motor Transport Authority, Audi registrations have plummeted by 17.9% compared to the previous year, with only 168,610 new vehicles registered between January and October. This decline is mirrored by the Volkswagen brand, which is also struggling to attract buyers.
Frank Schwope, a renowned lecturer in automotive economics at the Fachhochschule des Mittelstands in Hanover, concurs that new registrations in Germany are still at a weak level. “After 10 months of 2024, new registrations of 2.3 million cars were 0.4% below the already weak previous year’s level,” he notes. Schwope also points out that manufacturers like Ford in Cologne are responding to weak demand by implementing short-time work or job cuts.
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The new car traffic jam: a silver lining for some
While the crisis has its losers, it also has its winners. The automotive logistics employee notes that the car manufacturers are now paying for the parking spaces, effectively benefiting the logistics company. “It’s not a bad thing for us at the moment,” the employee remarks.
Customers might also benefit from this new car traffic jam, as manufacturers try to offload hard-to-sell models with discounts to avoid prolonged storage costs. Car expert Schwope predicts that “manufacturers will try to get rid of hard-to-sell models with discounts before they sit around for too long. The opportunities for bargains at discounted prices are likely to increase in the next few weeks.”
Schwope also points out that automobile manufacturers and car dealers often try to push vehicles onto the market towards the end of the year to boost sales figures and balance sheets. This could lead to a flurry of discounts and promotions, making it an opportune time for customers to snag a deal.
