The Longevity Conference: A Comedic Take on an Eternal Pursuit
Welcome, dear readers! Today we’re diving into a rather peculiar gathering known as The Longevity Conference, where reality feels like a blend between a sci-fi movie and an exclusive party for the world’s most extravagant billionaires. Honestly, I can already hear the laughter of the universe as I prepare to dissect this absurdity.
You see, in the luxurious corners of Gstaad, where the snow-capped mountains meet the fashion elite, a group of the super-rich is gathering—not to discuss their latest yacht purchases or project the latest overpriced fragrance. No, they’re huddled over a singular, desperate goal: to abolish death. Yes, you heard that correctly! It’s like a bunch of toddlers arguing that they don’t want bedtime. “I’ll buy you ice cream if you never die!” My favourite persuasion tactic.
Death? What’s That?
So, we have Aubrey de Grey—what a name for a man who looks like someone’s idea of a wizard who’s walked straight out of a fantasy novel! I mean, this is a guy whose philosophy embodies “old is the new young.” He wants you to think that aging is just a suggestion rather than a rule of nature, much like the ‘No Camping’ signs in a public park that people ignore. If aging is such a disease, we better get ready for a pharmaceutical revolution! Next thing you know, our grandmas might be logging into Tinder while discussing their potential futures as cyborgs.
Now, let’s take a trip into the hotel where the conference unfolds, with its “red-light therapy” booths and psychedelic sleep glasses. Honestly, if I were to fall asleep wearing those glasses, I’d wake up screaming, thinking I’d been abducted by aliens! But for those who can cough up between 3,600 and 5,800 Swiss Francs (because why not?) and have at least $30 million burning holes in your pockets, this is the place to be! Invest in immortality, but let’s leave the sofa behind; it’s a bit too much like past generations stuck between Netflix and their knees creaking.
Moonshots and Low-Hanging Fruits
And now, we arrive at the hard-hitting theme of “moonshots” vs. “low-hanging fruits.” The moonshots are wild schemes that probably sound like they were concocted during a late-night pizza session, while the low-hanging fruits are quick schemes to gorge on right now. This is essentially the Silicon Valley of life extension. Imagine investors pooling their resources for projects like freezing people until scientists finally work out how to reviver them for a second chance at life—talk about an expensive ice cream headache!
Oh, and let’s not forget Emil Kendziorra, who dreams of “cold-sleeping” people! Honestly, if my wife woke me up after several decades of being cryogenically frozen for a quick chat about the stock market, I’d just be like, “Not today, darling! I’ve only just perfected my sleep position!”
The Philosophy of Living Forever
De Grey argues that aging is the “real enemy” here—like the villain in an action movie with an inexplicably convoluted backstory. His solution? Think of yourself as a classic car that just needs some upgrades, and that includes relocating DNA like moving the fuse box to a safer location. Why bother you might ask; well, because classic cars and people deserve to run forever, I presume!
Now, here’s where things get really cheeky. De Grey pits himself against naysayers, claiming that the idea of not trying to transcend death is “hubris” and the tales of Gilgamesh are mere myths. He’s the guy who tells you that humanity has found cures for almost everything… except for aging. Is it just me or do I hear a faint cymbal crash in the background?
Nature’s Control
As ludicrous as this may sound, history suggests we’ve always found ways to leverage technology to solve our problems, be it through snacks or social media. However, can we really control nature? Should we be striving for a world where everyone lives well beyond a century? I can already see the world turning into a giant waiting room where everyone’s asking, “Who’s next for eternal youth?”
But let’s end on a more humble note. One elderly gentleman sitting on a bench casually soaking up the sun summed it up best: eternal life isn’t all that appealing. Maybe it’s not out of control living but learning to appreciate life as it is. Just keep that in mind while the billionaires are out there trying to figure out how to extend their stock portfolios for centuries.
So, in conclusion, whether you’re on Team De Grey or Team “Let Me Die in Peace,” the fact remains: we’re all just in this for the ride—preferably without the lengthy traffic delays of life extension.
Remember folks, eternity isn’t something to rush into—take the bus, enjoy the scenery, maybe even throw in a quick nap along the way. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to invest in some organic green tea. Might as well prepare for immortality in style!
The Longevity Conference serves as both an investor meeting and a profound scientific forum, featuring prominent researchers like British bioengineer Aubrey de Grey. Together, these attendees share one ambitious goal: to eliminate death. Just how close are they to achieving this vision?
Illustration Simon Tanner / NZZ
Nestled away from the bustling Gstaad promenade, St. Josef’s Church stands solemnly, a striking contrast to the luxury that surrounds it. Here, amid the soft clinks of white wine glasses and the stylish shopping bags displaying Prada and Hermès, an expressionist crucifix looms over the altar, its vivid colors evoking a sense of hellfire. An open Bible reveals a passage from Sirach, chapter 14: “Every person grows old like a garment,” it reads, highlighting the harsh reality: “the eternal law applies: one must die one day.”
A mere ten-minute walk leads those defying this age-old law to the luxurious Hotel Grand Bellevue, where the determined gather not to simply witness the ravages of time but to confront death head-on. Their aim? To delay or potentially overcome mortality itself. The hotel entrance proudly announces: “The most exclusive conference for longevity investors,” promising a gathering of the elite focusing on the burgeoning field of longevity.
Private planes of the super-rich
This September marks the fourth edition of the multi-day Longevity Conference, hosted in the picturesque mountain valley of the Bernese Oberland, where the borders of German-speaking and French-speaking Switzerland converge. The inaugural event in 2020 witnessed chaos at the regional airport, overwhelmed by the influx of private jets from super-rich attendees hailing from the USA, Israel, and India. Participation comes at a price, with tickets ranging from a staggering 3,600 to 5,800 francs, depending on the luxury of hotel accommodations.
Only an elite cohort of 120 guests is meticulously chosen from a pool of thousands, a process requiring each participant to possess a minimum capital of $30 million. This investment might grant them access to potentially the last frontier of life enhancements previously available only in limited capacities: an extended lifespan.
The conference is a blend of rigorous scientific exploration and opportunistic investment discussions, as entrepreneurial minds showcase breakthrough studies aimed at maximizing human longevity. In the hotel lobby, young innovators from Salzburg engage participants with red light treatments, claimed to stimulate skin cell activity. Another cutting-edge startup presents glasses designed to induce a psychedelic state through audiovisual cues to promote better sleep. While touted as health innovations, these ventures are seen as mere “low hanging fruits,” offering immediate profits rather than revolutionary solutions.
In stark contrast to these “low hanging fruits” are the “moonshots” — audacious research projects requiring millions in investment, often yielding no immediate financial returns but promising world-altering potential over time. One such visionary is Emil Kendziorra from Berlin, who ambitiously co-founded a venture focused on freezing terminally ill patients upon death, intending to revive them centuries later with advanced medical techniques. He admits to currently living off just above the minimum wage while pursuing his groundbreaking ambitions. Meanwhile, Alex Colville, a medical panel member, expresses his revolutionary dream of decapitating dying individuals to keep them alive as cyborgs with synthetic bodies.
Aubrey de Grey, the leading icon of ambitious longevity theorists, towers amongst his peers. His long, flowing gray beard, cascading down to his belly button, and his hair tied back in a ponytail give him a distinctive appearance, one that contrasts the youthful appearance he strives to embody through his life’s work: the pursuit of eternal youth.
Old age, a fatal disease
On a Wednesday morning, de Grey captivates the audience at the “Yacht Club,” a rustic wooden structure typically frequented by the local sailing club. The room buzzes with the energy of billions of dollars in investment potential, the aromatic scent of herbal infusions mingling with luxury—Montegrappa fountain pens showcased in the window, priced up to an awe-inspiring 10,000 euros. De Grey speaks in rapid-fire, sometimes tripping over his words, passionately proclaiming that while humanity has conquered nearly every infectious disease, aging remains unchecked—a lethal affliction claiming hundreds of thousands of lives daily. He argues that the medical community’s focus remains on treating ailments induced by aging, such as cancer and hypertension, while neglecting the fundamental issue—the gradual decline of cellular health.
An evocative image of a vintage automobile navigating the breathtaking Swiss Alps flashes on the screen. De Grey points out, “This car was crafted over a century ago,” suggesting its continuing function. His question echoes across the room: “What does this illustrate?” A machine can endure indefinitely with proper maintenance, he asserts, positioning the human body similarly—as a machine in need of persistent care.
On the terrace, de Grey drapes his jacket over a chair, his stick-thin arms protruding from his T-shirt. He recalls a childhood revelation where the inevitability of death struck him as humanity’s most profound tragedy. Unable to fathom how others could view death differently, young de Grey became resolute in his belief that biologists must be striving to halt aging. To harness his passion, he studied computer science, hoping to leverage artificial intelligence to tackle humanity’s other existential dilemmas: the inefficiencies imposed by labor.
His path took a decisive turn upon meeting Adelaide, his future wife and a distinguished biology professor nearly two decades his senior. She dispelled his youthful naivety regarding the dedication of biologists toward combating aging, leading de Grey to the revelation: his mission lay in aging research. Armed with a technical foundation, he recognized his perspective uniquely positioned him to understand the human body as a complex machine suffering from wear and tear.
Determined to make an impact, de Grey self-studied cell biology, eventually earning his doctorate from Cambridge and establishing a foundation with the mission to eradicate age-related diseases. Despite his ambitions, he found himself an outsider within the scientific community. In a 2005 publication, a group of researchers lambasted his ideas, relegating them to “the realm of fantasy.” To counter this criticism, de Grey offered a $20,000 bounty for anyone capable of disproving his theories; although no one succeeded, the jury pointed out the limitations of testing de Grey’s concepts given the contemporary state of scientific inquiry.
“Mythologized nonsense”
When confronted with his critics, de Grey’s demeanor shifts to cynicism, labeling their perspectives as foolishness. He attributes the limited number of researchers focused on abolishing aging to the prevailing societal sentiment, indicating a lack of public support for such ambitions. Reflecting on literary narratives—such as Faust, Dorian Gray, and even the ancient Epic of Gilgamesh—he notes the ironic journey of humanity grappling with the concept of mortality; yet, de Grey dismisses the notion that striving against death is hubris, calling such perspectives “mythologized nonsense.”
Perceiving himself as a cancer researcher, de Grey argues against a natural death, comparing his efforts to those of oncologists extending lives of patients whom fate would otherwise claim. From a historical perspective, average life expectancy in 1800 was under 40, whereas today, it hovers around 80 years in Germany. The question looms—what possibilities exist for the future? Could it be as high as 150 or even 1,000 years? De Grey tantalizingly claims the first person destined to live a millennium is already among us.
While highlighting the necessity of multiple parallel strategies for extending human life, de Grey emphasizes that one of the most intricate is termed “allotopic expression.” This technique involves relocating DNA from mitochondria, the cell’s energy generators, into the cell nucleus. Mitochondria, once independent organisms billions of years ago, still possess their own genome, which complicates matters due to free radicals, highly reactive molecules that inflict cellular damage. By transferring this genetic material to the nucleus, de Grey envisions mitigating the risks of aging—a concept that currently borders on science fiction. As the debate continues about the balance between human lifespan extension and potential overpopulation, de Grey maintains a confident perspective, suggesting that humanity will eventually devise sustainable energy and food solutions if they reach such advancements. He remains focused on addressing present-day challenges, notably the urgent need for curative interventions that could save countless lives right now.
What are the key arguments presented by de Grey regarding the need for a shift in how society perceives aging and longevity?
De Grey emphasizes that moving beyond mere survival must be the next step in medical science. He critiques the predominant focus on extending life only in terms of medical treatments for age-related diseases, suggesting that a more holistic approach is essential to truly address aging itself. His vision extends to altering the very nature of how humanity perceives life and death, advocating for a revolutionary shift wherein the quest for longevity is not viewed as an obsession but rather as a crucial goal.
As he elaborates on his theories, de Grey insists on the necessity for substantial investment in research dedicated to combating aging. He believes that only through significant funding and academic support can scientists begin to make major breakthroughs in understanding and ultimately preventing the biological aging process. This notion resonates throughout the Longevity Conference, where attendees with immense financial resources are drawn to possibilities of investing in life-extending technologies and therapies.
De Grey’s outspoken demeanor and distinctive appearance make him a striking figure at the conference. He combines charisma with controversial ideas, often sparking lively debate among his audience members. Whether viewed as a visionary or a quack, de Grey succeeds in igniting passion about longevity, an issue that concerns not only the wealthy elite but society as a whole. His insistence on treating aging as a disease rather than an inevitable plight challenges prevailing norms and opens up conversations about the future of human health and lifespan.
This blending of elitism, groundbreaking science, and existential questions encapsulates the essence of the Longevity Conference, where discussions range from pragmatic investments to speculative and controversial theories on eternal youth. The intersection of wealth, ambition, and the desire for extended life provokes profound considerations about the implications of living longer, healthier lives in a world already grappling with overpopulation, resource allocation, and ethical dilemmas associated with radical life extension.
