Here, the “relay” goes around among the region’s families with children, who have to answer a series of questions. The purpose of the “relay” is to make us smarter about each other – and perhaps even to be able to inspire.
This time, Ditte Maria Kollerup, owner and director of the architect and construction company KFS Boligbyg, participates.
Name: Yours Maria Kollerup
Children: Aura (2019), Kirk (2020) and Eike (2023)
Girlfriend with: Thomas Nielsen Ohlin, senior manager at Center for Leadership.
Residence: Kassandravej, Gug, Aalborg SØ
Alder: 1983 (age 41)
Stilling: Owner and director of the architect and construction company KFS Boligbyg
What are you busy with in your family life right now?
That we get the hug every day. Both children and adults. Proximity is important, we think. That we get sleep, eat our vitamins, preferably more vegetables and less take away😊
All in all, we are concerned with taking good care of the foundation. And that there is room to listen to each other’s thoughts and experiences. And time to build Lego.
How do you get your everyday life together as a family?
The question is super relevant now, when our cultural structure is so extremely ill-suited to the needs of families with young children. The reality is that everything is not connected.
We want more than we can, and it’s hard. We prioritize that the children sleep until they wake up, and we are rarely ready to work at 8.
Photo: Lars Pauli
But we live with it in such a way that we let the less important things fall between the seats and grab the most important ones. For the most part anyway.
We are both privileged with enormous flexibility in our jobs – and my parents, who are always ready to help with the little ones. We have both been at 50 per cent. maternity leave since June, and now we have just started with a young girl who helps us look after Eike at home on weekdays.
How do you cope with the pressure that can come with both work and parenthood?
Balance between family and work life probably won’t happen, but a clear order of priorities helps us to accept that we don’t achieve everything, but that we achieve a lot. For the most part, we reach the most important thing: These are our own primary needs, the children and then each other.
Then work, where there are always many tasks. Also more than it is possible to reach. At home with us, family life and work life flow together.
This means that Aura’s creations and our work items usually flow in our kitchen-family room together with things from the play kitchen, train track and so on.
Photo: Lars Pauli
We move into the office or the basement if one of us has meetings or telephone conversations. But we sit in between and work, while the two big ones play and the youngest takes a nap.
Fortunately, children are very good at being present and quite naturally make sure that we do one thing at a time, regardless of whether it is a work task or a board game at the dining table.
We want to keep that ability in the future, and we know it will be more difficult when the children get older and more self-driving.
What do you do to create quality time together as a family?
The talk about quality time is a slippery slope, I think. I do not believe that children particularly need what we call “quality time” today. Therein lies too much compensatory behavior from us parents, who have a bad conscience about not being present.
Children do not need extraordinary experiences, such as if we go on a trip and have a really good time.
I believe that children – as the primary thing – need available parents. An everyday life at home together.
That we are there and that we see them, but that we adults also have our own tasks and dreams. And then I also think they need us to leave them alone sometimes.
Photo: Lars Pauli
That we are not always above them and want to know everything about what they have eaten, how much and who they have played with, and what they think about everything in the whole world.
Of course, we also go on trips in between.
We like not having plans. I call it spontaneous time.
For example, we went to Fårup Sommerland with all three on a Saturday afternoon at 17 to see light fall. Unplanned and absolutely perfect.
It was a memorable evening.
How do you talk to your children about the challenges they may face as schoolchildren?
On the whole, I have personally had doubts that our children should go to school at an early age. I believe that – in our culture – we send children off too early to day care/nursery and also too early to kindergarten.
The public school is starved, and the framework is frayed, so despite many highly capable teachers, there are far too many children who do not thrive.
Aura turns 6 in February, and we have now decided that she will go to school. She loves writing letters and learning math, and that interest comes from herself.
Photo: Lars Pauli
But it is our decision that she should go to school, and it is important for me to be aware of that. Her desire for “school” comes solely from “social talk”, and she doesn’t really know what that is.
All in all, I believe that we parents must take responsibility for the choices we make for our children. It is a parent’s task to make choices on behalf of children, and we must stop wrapping bad choices in narratives such as “now my child also needs to go to day care”.
We must know the difference between the children’s needs and our own needs and take responsibility when we make a choice based on our own needs, which is also okay to do.
What does it mean to you to be a North Jutland family in today’s Denmark?
We are happy for Aalborg. Mostly because our families live here. And my company. But we also think that the city is blessed with the fjord – the city offers most things and has forests close by. And the North Sea, not least.
Photo: Lars Pauli
But a lot of feelings of happiness arise in contrasts, and we also like Copenhagen very much. From Aalborg it is super easy with DSB, which is my favorite transport.
But also Aalborg Airport, which is still full of happy staff.
What values are you trying to pass on to your children?
“There must be room for everyone”. Thomas has said that phrase to our children again and again, and even though the older ones are only 4 and 5 years old, it sticks with them.
This applies both outside and at home. He thinks we live in an overly individualized world. We also make an effort with what we throw ourselves into, but at the same time we try to teach the children that something can be good enough, even if it is not perfect.
And then we hurry slowly, to minimize stress and haste.
What worries you most about being a parent today?
That you ask me that question. I am critical of our societal structural system, and to that extent some changes are needed which will improve the framework for the future, if you ask me.
Photo: Lars Pauli
Frameworks that support human nature to a greater extent than now. Unless unnatural – of all things.
But I don’t actually worry about being a parent. We parents can make a huge difference by not worrying. Because worries are contagious.
And we don’t need worried children and young people.
How do you deal with screen use and technology in your family?
We have huge respect for the screen task. Our children don’t have an iPad, and they know they can want one, but they can’t get one.
They love to visit children who have an iPad. And grandma’s.
Photo: Lars Pauli
Periodically, they clearly watch too much Ramasjang. Although we make an effort to find songs to which they dance – and to select in the programmes. We have also talked about our position on regulations when smartphones become relevant, and we are both very excited about that. We might be a bit edgy in that area.
How do you find time for yourselves as a couple or individuals when family life is full?
We insist on talking time between us adults. Even if it is sometimes almost physically impossible. We laugh about it, for the most part, and usually get on with the conversation.
Friends we see too little. Even if they are really important to us. But that’s the way it is for us at the moment. with night feeds, evening work and so on.
Photo: Lars Pauli
I prioritize one day in Copenhagen every quarter for myself – for reflection time and a conversation with a psychologist whom I am happy with.
In 2023 – before Eike came in December – we put many experiences in the bank book. And it will come again before we know it.
Each thing in its time – and right now we are enjoying the time when the children think we are the best in the whole world.
What do you dream of for your family’s future?
That we all keep dreaming. It is so important! “Dream of good things”, I tell the children when they go to bed.
Thomas and I have a three-year plan and a 2030 plan with the things we dream about – both together and separately.
I have been making life strategies all my adult life and learned that thoughts can actually move mountains.
Who should take the parenting baton next?
Anne Kiilerich should, because she does what she herself calls ‘cheek up’ – also about family life.
2024-11-19 19:10:00
#Director #mother #reach #important #drop #rest
How can parents create designated family times that effectively limit screen usage?
Photo: Lars Pauli
We have no judgment against our friends’ family lives – we know that each family has its own rhythm and needs. It’s just a matter of finding what works for us. Every family is different and we have to make choices that feel right in our context.
What we do try to emphasize is open communication with each other and with our children. We want them to feel comfortable discussing their feelings and preferences, especially regarding technology use and social interactions.
Ultimately, our goal is to raise independent, resilient children who are mindful of their interactions with technology, while still ensuring they enjoy their childhood to the fullest. Finding that balance is the real challenge, but we work on it together, every day.
What strategies do you employ to ensure a healthy balance between technology use and family time?
Do you have any specific rules or practices that help maintain this balance? We believe in setting clear boundaries while still allowing for flexibility. For instance, we have designated family times where screens are off, and we engage in activities together, whether it’s cooking, playing games, or just chatting. These moments help anchor us and foster connection.
It’s never an easy task, but keeping the lines of communication open and being united as parents truly does make a difference.
