Sure, let’s take a cheeky stroll through the wild and wonderfully chaotic world of wedding planning with a touch of humour, a smidgen of snark, and a lot of cheek, shall we?
Welcome to the Wonderful World of Wedding Planning!
Oh, the joy of weddings! They’re a little bit like a full moon—gorgeous to behold but chock-full of lunacy. A friend of mine decided to take the plunge and got herself engaged, and guess who got the “honour” of doling out tips? That’s right! Yours truly, Franck Eggelhoffer—minus the dodgy haircut but with all the charm of Martin Short in Father of the Bride.
Before I knew it, I was spilling the beans on wedding wisdom, and let me tell you, it’s a minefield out there. So, if you find yourself teetering on the brink of wedding madness, grab a cup of tea (or something stronger), sit back, and let’s dive into this delightful disaster called wedding planning!
1. Wedding Planning: An Event for Others, Not a Marriage
Let’s get one thing straight: planning a wedding is a bit like throwing a party for people you barely know, and then *forcing your love story* squarely in their faces. How bizarre is that? “Here, let me marry this person you haven’t met, and I hope you’re ready for the life story behind every flower arrangement!” You’re basically the star of your own show while your guests are the audience, and spoiler alert: they’re going to ask questions. Lots of questions.
2. Do Your Homework: Be Venue-Ready
When you waltz into that venue and they ask what your budget is, you better have an answer! Otherwise, you’ll be wandering around like a lost tourist, sipping overpriced juice, while your wedding dreams evaporate faster than a child’s attention span. Trust me, we were about as prepared as a cat in a dog show—so do yourself a favour and have your decisions sorted before you start – themes, budgets, doorknobs—whatever floats your boat!
3. Know What Matters to You… and to Your Wallet!
As you start discovering your wedding vision, it will become very clear what matters. Is it the dress? The music? The cake that triples as a visual masterpiece and a diabetic’s worst nightmare? Make the hard calls. And here’s a pro tip: don’t settle for anything less than fabulous. It’s your day after all—not your mum’s, not Aunt Edna’s, and certainly not your colleague who insists on unwanted advice whilst munching on your wedding cake sample!
4. Remember, the Budget is Not a Myth!
When the word “wedding” pops up, prices could spiral into outer space faster than a rocket launch! Make sure you set your budget in stone—or at least in glitter—then stick to it like a starving fly on honey. And if you go over, just remember: champagne dreams can often lead to budget hangovers.
5. Trust the Experts (and Use the Force)
You can’t be everywhere at once. So, delegate! Assume your planner is there for a reason and relinquish control, darling. You’ll want that cousin who still remembers your name from primary school to oversee those little details while you focus on becoming the most beautiful bride or groom a wedding has ever seen. And let’s be real, you’ll be far too busy sipping champagne and pretending you’ve totally handled this like a boss.
6. Photos: A Necessary Evil
Ah, photographs—the one part of the day that will either immortalise your intoxicatingly beautiful moment or forever capture your “What is happening?” face as cake goes airborne. Be realistic about your time and *don’t miss the drinks reception*! Honestly, it’s all fun and games until you realise you haven’t mingled with anyone except the photographer!
7. Nerves: A Natural Expectation
As the big day approaches, if you wake up in a cold sweat wondering if you’ve accidentally invited an ex—fear not, it’s perfectly normal. A little jitters are less about the commitment and more about the event. Embrace the chaos, and remember—you can always leave the “I-do’s” at the altar if Aunt Doris starts a conga line with her poodles!
8. Drown Out the Nonsense Noise!
From unsolicited diet advice to random Instagram models with captioned perfection, just take a deep breath and *ignore*. Trust me, nobody really needs to hear about Aunt May’s “excellent cookie-cutter body” the day before your wedding. Focus on what makes you happy and keep the tranquillity level at “zen master.”
9. Honeymoon Bliss
And once you’ve survived the big day, run away—like seriously! Book that honeymoon fast! Enjoy the bliss, explore the unknowns, and remember that while your wedding may mirror others, your love story is a unique masterpiece in the gallery of life.
In Conclusion…
So, to everyone planning a wedding—take a step back, breathe, and embrace the madness of it all. It truly does fly by in a blink, so make those little moments count. Revel in the awkward running commentary of well-meaning relatives, ensure your dance moves are ready for their viral moment, and most importantly, soak up all that love radiating around you.
And remember, when all is said and done, your day is truly about you and your partner—so here’s a clink to love, laughter, and happily ever after. Oh, and congratulations!
And there you have it! A comedic, yet poignant guide to navigating the turtle shell of wedding madness. Buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy ride!
A close friend recently shared the exciting news of her engagement and sought my guidance on the crucial steps to take when planning her dream wedding.
Having tied the knot in May, she considered me a valuable source of insight, believing my recent experience would be particularly helpful.
Almost instantaneously, I found myself enthusiastically detailing the key do’s and don’ts of wedding planning that I had personally learned along the way.
I suggested she should humorously save my contact as “Franck Eggelhoffer,” referring to the iconic wedding planner role played by Martin Short in the beloved movie Father of the Bride, as a lighthearted nod to my newfound advisory role. I made it clear that I was available as her trusted confidante for straightforward, no-frills bridal advice.
For those currently in the throes of wedding planning, or for whom the big day is on the horizon, I’m excited to divulge my insights and experiences.
I explained to my friend that, in essence, planning a wedding is more about curating an experience for guests rather than focusing solely on the union itself. When I truly embraced this perspective, the entire planning process transformed, becoming significantly less daunting.
During venue tours, expect to answer a plethora of questions regarding your budget, the desired date for your wedding, the anticipated guest count, floral arrangements, table settings, catering options, and any accommodation needs.
Initially, my husband and I were somewhat naive, arriving at venue visits without any clear decisions made—and I cannot stress enough how imperative it is to prepare thoroughly to avoid wasting valuable time in your search.
Our lack of preparation meant we were uncertain about our preferences during the initial venue viewings. This compelled my husband and me to sit down and establish our priorities, allowing us to effectively filter out unfit venues and focus on a select few that aligned with our visions.
We realized we envisioned a traditional church wedding, surrounded by loved ones, complemented by delectable cuisine and vibrant music. With this clarity, finding the perfect venue became a straightforward task.
This aspect of planning will quickly become apparent—perhaps even from the very beginning of your journey. I gradually recognized the elements I truly valued, alongside those I could disregard. I craved a stunning wedding dress (as most brides do), the meaningful act of my father walking me down the aisle, and succinct speeches that wouldn’t drag on.
Keep in mind that it’s completely acceptable to alter your preferences along the way; I experienced this firsthand when my makeup trial a month before the wedding left me dissatisfied.
Despite having put down a deposit, which usually weighs heavily on my mind, I felt confident in my decision to sever ties and move forward.
Pick your battles wisely; if something doesn’t resonate with you, don’t be afraid to advocate for what you want instead of simply settling.
As soon as the term “wedding” enters discussions, expect prices to soar. Every single penny counts, and it’s essential to keep in mind the hard work you’ve put into financing this celebration.
This proactive approach allows you to manage payments without feeling overwhelmed in the final weeks leading up to your wedding, alleviating unnecessary financial pressure during such a busy time.
Once you choose vendors who align with your vision, it’s important to let go of control. You won’t possess the capacity to oversee every detail, nor will your partner, family, or bridal party. They will likely be swept up in the excitement, unable to manage everything themselves.
If an issue arises that concerns you, consider designating a cousin or friend to handle it; they will not be as emotionally invested and can address matters more effectively.
If you aren’t particularly keen on a long photography session, there’s no need to extend it excessively. Prior to our wedding, numerous couples advised us that lengthy photo sessions often led to missing key moments with guests.
I confidently stated that would never be the case for us; however, the reality was that we lost track of time amidst the whirlwind of activities and barely managed to check in with anyone.
We ended up missing a significant portion of our mingling time, notably the entire drinks reception, which has become a source of regret.
So, don’t fall into our trap—craft a solid plan for how long you wish to dedicate to photographs. Embrace the fact that mingling with all guests is virtually impossible; understand that they recognize you’re busy marrying your partner, so don’t stress if you can’t chat with everyone. Accepting this fact ahead of time will bring you peace.
I was genuinely startled by how anxious I felt, especially considering that few brides had warned me about this possibility beforehand.
The evening before the wedding unfolded quietly, with tea shared with my parents, after which I headed to bed at 10 PM. However, I found myself awake during the small hours, unable to settle back into slumber.
It’s essential to recognize that feelings of nervousness are entirely normal and often arise at some point—rest assured, these feelings will eventually subside.
Once engaged, I was continually bombarded with inquiries about my supposed “wedding diet” from an inquisitive colleague, often within earshot of others. Initially, I attempted to deflect her questions, but soon realized seeking a reaction was her goal. Thus, I learned to tune her out completely.
Ignore the noise from social media and societal pressures promoting unrealistic ideals of beauty—losing dramatic amounts of weight or achieving picture-perfect skin.
Instead, I chose to prioritize my regular skincare routine, maintain my usual gym regimen, visit the dentist for a routine cleaning, and notably avoided purchasing a single wedding magazine. And as you navigate this journey, a thought about Botox may cross your mind; my advice is simple: if it doesn’t sit well with you, then absolutely don’t do it.
We opted not to have a second wedding day; instead, we embarked on our honeymoon as soon as possible to prolong the momentum of our celebration and maximize our quality time together before returning to work.
Our honeymoon in Miami and Cancun turned out to be an incredible, unforgettable adventure.
While there are clichés surrounding weddings—“It’s your day, your way”—the truth is that most weddings share similar components and flow. What truly matters is the energy you radiate as a couple; when you feel relaxed and joyful, your guests are likely to mirror that vibe, enjoying the dance floor along with you.
Amidst all the excitement, take brief moments to breathe and recognize the love surrounding you. Treasure those who gathered to celebrate your commitment, valuing the time each guest dedicated to be part of your extraordinary day.
And one last thing: Congratulations!
Ignore the comments, but the pressure started to weigh on me. As I prepared for the wedding, I had to remind myself that my journey was mine alone. Everyone will have unsolicited opinions about your choices, from guest lists to dress selections, but it’s crucial to tune out the nonsense noise. Focus on what truly matters to you and your partner.
Honeymoon Bliss
After the whirlwind of planning and the big day itself, the honeymoon is your time to leave the chaos behind and enjoy each other’s company. Consider this a well-deserved escape where you can relax and reconnect as newlyweds. Whether it’s a tropical paradise or a cozy cabin in the woods, make the trip uniquely yours. Embrace the opportunity to explore together and create new memories that reflect your love story.
In Conclusion…
Planning a wedding can be overwhelming, but it’s also filled with joy and memorable experiences. Take a moment to breathe, celebrate the milestones, and don’t be afraid to laugh at the little things that go awry. Always remember that at the heart of all the planning is the love you share with your partner. Here’s to your future—full of laughter, love, and adventures together. Congratulations to all those embarking on this beautiful journey of marriage!
Like I jokingly told my friend, save my number under “Franck Eggelhoffer” for the laughs and light-hearted wisdom. Here’s to navigating the wedding madness together!