Thief with a Broken Window and a Broken A**: A Night in Oost-Souburg
By: Eugène Harthoorn
We’ve all had those mornings where waking up feels like a slap in the face, but for a 38-year-old man from Middelburg, this day started off with a bit more glass and a lot less privacy.
It was just before dawn—around 5 a.m.—and instead of dreaming of sugarplums, our “hero” decided to channel his inner cat burglar. Breaking news (quite literally): a local resident reported a suspicious figure smashing a window on Prins Bernhardstraat—what is this, amateur hour? I mean, who breaks into a house when they could be tucked away in their own bedding, possibly dreaming of a world without bathroom intrusions?
Thankfully, our neighborhood vigilante—let’s call them “Eagle Eye”—was awake and ready to ring the police faster than you can say “You’ve never seen the inside of a house before, have you?” The police, conveniently nearby, showed up faster than you can spell “burglar.” They found our budding thief, not in a dramatic chase scene, but casually sitting in the bathroom. You’d think he was contemplating life choices instead of contemplating a quiet exit!
Now here’s a plot twist fit for a sitcom: our burglar had injured his hand while performing his delicate window smashing duties! What was he thinking? “I’ll just use my bare hands; it’ll be like a game of rock, paper, scissors, only I always lose!” A police officer had to provide first aid to the very man they were about to proper-clothe into a police cell. That must have felt like the world’s worst spa treatment—“Welcome to Jail Spa, where we treat injuries while you plan your next crime!”
The residents, meanwhile, reacted properly to the vandalism and trespassing situation, clutching their pearls and calling for victim assistance. Thankfully, no items were stolen—evidently, the burglar was more interested in an impromptu bathroom break than an actual heist. “Excuse me, do you have any spare toilet paper? No? Well, I’ll just take my leave then!”
Comments
Mother (4-11-2024 at 12:20)
Cheers to the police. Red-handed. And that the neighbors were awake and responded alertly.
Jaap (4-11-2024 at 10:56)
This scum then also receives first aid from a police officer and a GGD doctor on his leg with which he smashes a window to break in, unbelievable!!!
Final Thoughts
In summary, this quirky crime saga shines a light on a mix of dreadful planning and swift local action. For the perplexed residents, it was more of an early morning disturbance than a crime spree. And for our would-be burglar? I think it’s safe to say he’ll be thinking twice before engaging in another “late-night home invasion” attempt—a new record is set, 0 items stolen, 1 hand heavily bandaged! Talk about a trip to the ‘hospital’ no one wants a membership card for!
Perhaps his next venture should simply be a 5 a.m. yoga class instead. The benefits of stretching out before engaging in vigorous activities like home invasions—might save him a bit of pain and a few glass shards!
By: Eugène Harthoorn
EOST-SOUBURG – A 38-year-old man from Middelburg was arrested in the early hours this morning for allegedly breaking into a house on Prins Bernhardstraat in Oost-Souburg.
At approximately 5 a.m., a vigilant local resident spotted suspicious activity and promptly dialed 112 to report that a burglar had smashed a window of a residence. The alert neighbor then witnessed the intruder entering the house, raising immediate concern. Within just two minutes, police officers, fortuitously patrolling the vicinity, arrived at the scene. Upon entering the dwelling, they discovered the burglar hiding in the bathroom, having sustained minor injuries from cutting his hands on the broken glass. One of the officers promptly administered first aid to the injured man. Subsequently, he was taken into custody and brought to the police cell complex, where a GGD doctor would attend to his injuries.
Victim assistance services were deployed to support the shaken residents of the home, who reported acts of vandalism and trespassing. Fortunately, no items were reported missing from the property.
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Mother (4-11-2024 at 12:20)
Cheers to the police. Red-handed. And that the neighbors were awake and responded alertly.
Jaap (4-11-2024 at 10:56)
This scum then also receives first aid from a police officer and a GGD doctor on his leg with which he smashes a window to break in, unbelievable!!!
**Interview on the Recent Burglary Incident in Oost-Souburg**
**Interviewer:** Good afternoon, Eugène! Your recent article on the quirky burglary incident in Oost-Souburg certainly grabbed attention. Can you walk us through what happened?
**Eugène Harthoorn:** Absolutely! It was quite the unexpected drama for a regular morning. At around 5 a.m., a local resident reported seeing a man smashing a window on Prins Bernhardstraat. But instead of a typical getaway, the burglar—who turned out to be a 38-year-old from Middelburg—was found chilling in the bathroom of the house he tried to break into.
**Interviewer:** Really? In the bathroom? That’s quite the twist! What was he doing there?
**Eugène Harthoorn:** It seems he had injured his hand while attempting the break-in, so instead of making a run for it, he decided to sit down and contemplate his poor life choices. Who knew you could get first aid from the police while trying to commit a crime? It was as if he was preparing for a spa day rather than a heist!
**Interviewer:** Wow, that sounds surreal. And what was the neighbor’s reaction to all of this?
**Eugène Harthoorn:** The neighbor, who I’m calling “Eagle Eye,” did an excellent job by promptly calling the police. They reacted quickly, leading to the burglar’s capture with no items stolen—though I believe he was more interested in using the bathroom than making off with valuables!
**Interviewer:** That’s an interesting take on criminal intent! How did the residents feel after the event?
**Eugène Harthoorn:** They were understandably shaken but relieved that the police responded rapidly. The sense of community vigilance was evident; everyone came together to address the situation and ensure safety. Comments online have been a mix of support for the police and disbelief at the burglar’s antics.
**Interviewer:** It sounds like a chaotic but ultimately harmless situation. Do you think this might deter future break-ins in the area?
**Eugène Harthoorn:** I hope so! This incident really highlights the importance of community awareness and swift action. Plus, with our “thief” getting bandaged instead of escape routes, perhaps he’ll reconsider his career path. Maybe a morning yoga class would be a better fit!
**Interviewer:** Definitely an amusing thought! Thank you, Eugène, for sharing this delightful yet bizarre story with us. Let’s hope that future thieves take note of this incident, or at the very least, take better care of their hands.
**Eugène Harthoorn:** Thank you for having me! Here’s to fewer burglaries and more responsible late-night decisions.
