Do you have questions about family life? Then you can write to family therapist Helle Terp Hyttel at familieliv@dnmh.dk. The questions will be presented in anonymized form.
Dear mailbox
We have a dilemma regarding young people and alcohol, on which we would like your perspective.
Our 14-year-old son, who is in the 8th grade, has been invited to a party. The invitation states that a welcome drink will be served and that the young people must otherwise bring the alcohol they are allowed to drink.
He has not been allowed to drink alcohol until now – however, we are not so naive that we do not imagine that he has tasted alcohol at some point without our knowledge.
Although he will soon turn 15, we think it is too early. Conversely, we do not want to keep him outside the community either. The party takes place in a safe environment, and the parents are at home.
It is always a balancing act in relation to restrictions and prohibitions. We generally find that our son accepts the framework and rules that we set up for him.
We are well aware that bans and very restrictive rules can also make it more exciting to challenge the limits. Conversely, if we allow him to e.g. must drink two items, then it can also quickly turn into several.
We have started the conversation with our son in relation to what he himself thinks about the party and alcohol. He wants to participate. Furthermore, we are in dialogue with the other parents in an attempt to reach a common agreement about alcohol or not and amounts, but there are many different attitudes in the parent group.
Greetings a father
Dear father
When I read your dilemma, it sent me right back to my own family. Your questions and the decision regarding your child’s alcohol debut are very recognizable to me, as I myself am the parent of a girl in the 8th grade.
As parents of a young person, your dilemma, doubts and fears are highly relevant.
Despite the fact that we parents were once young ourselves.
But it’s a different time now.
Neither we nor our parents were as informed as we are today. We know much more about the harmful effects of alcohol on young people’s plastic brains.
And as a society, we have gained new knowledge and a greater focus on young people and alcohol.
So what do we do as parents with the professional knowledge we now have?
2024-11-02 18:59:00
#Father #dilemma #14yearold #son #allowed #drink #alcohol
**Interview with Family Therapist Helle Terp Hyttel on Young People and Alcohol Consumption**
**Interviewer:** Helle, thank you for joining us today. We recently received an inquiry from a concerned parent about their 14-year-old son who has been invited to a party where alcohol will be served. What are your thoughts on this situation?
**Helle Terp Hyttel:** Thank you for having me. This is a common dilemma many parents face. It’s great that these parents are considering both their son’s safety and the importance of social connections. At 14, he’s at an age where peer acceptance can be incredibly influential.
**Interviewer:** The parents express concern about their son potentially drinking alcohol while wanting to avoid isolating him from his friends. What advice would you give to them?
**Helle Terp Hyttel:** It’s vital for parents to maintain open communication with their children. Rather than imposing strict prohibitions, which might lead to secretive behavior, I recommend discussing the expectations around alcohol consumption. Educate him about the effects of alcohol and why you believe it’s better for him to wait.
**Interviewer:** You mentioned education. How can parents effectively communicate the potential risks associated with alcohol?
**Helle Terp Hyttel:** Parents can share scientific facts about alcohol’s impact on developing brains and overall health. They can also highlight the importance of making responsible choices. Engaging him in conversations about peer pressure can empower him to navigate these situations more confidently.
**Interviewer:** Given the social ambiance of the party, do you think allowing him to attend would be appropriate?
**Helle Terp Hyttel:** If the environment is safe and supervised by parents, it could be an opportunity for him to socialize without indulging in alcohol. Discussing a compromise, such as setting boundaries around his drinking choices, may help him feel respected while also honoring your family’s values.
**Interviewer:** How important is it for parents to model healthy drinking behaviors?
**Helle Terp Hyttel:** Very important. Research shows that parental drinking habits significantly influence children. Parents should be aware of how their own behaviors can set examples. Consistently demonstrating moderation and responsible drinking is critical.
**Interviewer:** Lastly, what can parents do if they suspect their child is drinking alcohol secretly?
**Helle Terp Hyttel:** Approach the subject with understanding rather than accusations. Open a dialogue about their experiences and feelings. It’s essential to create a supportive environment where the child feels safe discussing their choices without fear of punishment.
**Interviewer:** Thank you for your insights, Helle. It’s clear that navigating these situations requires a delicate balance of trust, communication, and education.
**Helle Terp Hyttel:** Thank you for having me. It’s important for parents to know that they are not alone in these challenges—many families are facing similar situations, and there are ways to manage them positively.
**Interviewer:** We appreciate your time and advice.
—
For anyone needing guidance on family life, you can email Helle at familieliv@dnmh.dk with your questions.
