Hashtags are now appearing on various social media platforms #marriageisscary. This happens because there are many influencer to celebrities who are experiencing problems in their marriages.
Yes, marriage is not easy, from financial challenges to stress due to work, there are many other pressures that must be faced together. However, what you need to remember is that there are quite a few couples who have managed to have a healthy, happy and lasting marital relationship despite experiencing these general pressures.
Nicole LePera, a renowned couples therapist with more than 10 million followers on Instagram, TikTok, and X identified seven behavioral patterns of couples who have been in a long relationship. Reporting from Fortune Well, here’s how they succeeded in having a good relationship, of course you and your partner can do it too.
1. Be Each Other’s Friends
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
People in long-term relationships really value time together, says LePera at X.
“They were happy to come home and see each other again after a hard day at work,” he wrote in a tweet.
“They love doing little things together. “Friendship is the basis of their relationship,” he continued.
2. Go Through Difficult Times Together
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
Just because a couple stays together long-term doesn’t mean they don’t experience difficult times that make them question their relationship. However, facing difficulties does not make them discouraged. Instead, it helps them build resilience.
According to LePera, couples who survive have overcome difficult times that put them at a crossroads, or even caused them to question their relationship. The important thing in this situation is that they choose to stay together and overcome various problems to become stronger.
“This builds trust,” LePera wrote in her tweet.
3. Appreciate each other’s uniqueness
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
Sometimes, your partner’s habits can become your biggest insecurities, whether it’s an obsession with book series, movies, animals, plants and so on. In fact, it’s the little things we do that make us attractive and the best partners will appreciate those qualities as part of who we are.
In recognizing the uniqueness, said LePera, the couples who ‘succeed’, provides lighthearted recognition but is never too critical.
4. Don’t try to change your partner
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
LePera suggests this for everyone who says, “but I can change them.” Don’t! It’s not enough just to accept your partner’s uniqueness, if you want a lasting relationship with someone, you have to accept and love them for who they are.
“There is an underlying respect and admiration,” LePera said. “This freedom brings out the best in each of them.”
5. “Fight” Properly
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
It’s okay to offend each other occasionally, just make sure you know how to have a healthy argument. Express correctly what you want to say. Avoid harboring feelings of irritation for too long because they can explode and become uncontrollable.
According to LePera, the couple who “succeed”, knows how to navigate conflict, bounce back, and move forward.
6. Don’t Avoid “Complicated and Difficult Conversations”
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
LePera observes that couples who have strong, long-term relationships don’t shy away from difficult conversations, even if their perspective is questioned. They are open to each other’s points of view, which is key to growing from difficult conversations.
Regular communication without avoidance or denial when difficult topics arise is key. But what makes those interactions better, LePera notes, is emotional regulation, which ensures “conversations rarely (turn into) emotional outbursts.”
7. Create Boundaries with Family
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
Family dynamics are often difficult to manage as you and your partner become more integrated into each other’s lives. But according to LePera, family boundaries are important for healthy relationships.
LePera observed that power couples “prioritize relationships and have clear boundaries with family.”
“This can be seen in how someone chooses not to take out their relationship problems on their family or not make decisions based on what their family wants,” LePera wrote in her tweet.
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Welcome, everyone! Now, let’s dive into this little love manual we’ve got here – or as I like to call it, “How to Keep Your Marriage from Going Up in Flames.” Because honestly, who needs a bonfire when you can have a marriage crisis instead, am I right?
So, let’s talk about hashtags – the latest trend in social media that’s become a bit like marriage itself: everyone’s posting about their drama, but nobody’s really sure how to make it work! #MarriageIsScary seems to be the new norm, primarily because our beloved influencers and celebs are acting less like happily ever after and more like “happily…hmm, maybe not?”
But fear not, dear readers! Nicole LePera, the couples therapist with millions of fans (because let’s face it, therapy is the new black), has provided us with the secrets—like a magician revealing the trick behind a great illusion, except in this case, the illusion is your love life not imploding.
1. Be Each Other’s Friends
Let’s start with something lovely: being friends! Because when the other half comes home after a rough day at work, you don’t want them rolling their eyes like they just spotted a bad Netflix flick. No, you want them to say, “Thank goodness you’re here! Did you see the way the cat looked at the dog? Let’s rate it a 10!” Friendship should be the foundation. I mean, when you marry someone, you’re basically signing up for a lifetime of inside jokes and awkward moments.
2. Go Through Difficult Times Together
Oh, the tough times! They’re like that inevitable trip to IKEA—you think it’s only going to take a couple of hours, but suddenly, you’re questioning your life choices and whether or not you even like each other anymore. But the key here, as LePera points out, is that these challenges are just ways to build resilience. So, you face the flat-pack furniture together, and then, voila! You’ve survived a marital test!
3. Appreciate Each Other’s Uniqueness
Ah, the quirks! I mean, who doesn’t love a bit of eccentricity? Your partner’s obsession with rare succulents and compulsive movie rewatching? Just what the doctor ordered! It seems that the best couples are those who learn to appreciate the weird stuff. “Oh, my love for weird collectibles? Golden!” Just embrace them, folks. They’ll weirdly become endearing…or at least memorable at family gatherings.
4. Don’t Try to Change Your Partner
And here’s the golden nugget of wisdom: stop trying to turn each other into a Pinterest project! If you think you can change them, good luck—you’ll need it! Love them for who they are, or as I like to call it, the “no return policy” of relationships. There’s a certain charm in not having to live with the modified version of your partner! Remember, it’s their quirks that made you say “I do” in the first place (unless of course, you were just entranced by their irresistible dance moves at the reception).
5. “Fight” Properly
Fighting in a relationship isn’t the end of the world—it can be a bit like fine dining. You can have your spicy debates, as long as they don’t turn into a five-course meal of shouting and chaos. Learn to argue smartly, not passionately. Because remember, no one wants old grievances to bubble like bad soup on the stove!
6. Don’t Avoid “Complicated and Difficult Conversations”
Now, onto those “fun chats” that people conveniently dodge—like that one relative at family gatherings! But couples who can tackle the hard topics? They’re the real MVPs. Just make sure you’re not launching into these convos in the middle of a knife fight over the last piece of pizza. Timing is everything, darling!
7. Create Boundaries with Family
And speaking of fun—don’t forget about your families! Because blending them into your relationship can be like trying to mix oil and water. You’ve got to set boundaries! As LePera wisely advises, prioritize your relationship, and don’t let anyone else’s opinion come crashing in like an unsolicited recipe for gluten-free brownies.
So, after all this, don’t shy away from love, folks! Yes, marriage might seem scary—perhaps even darker than an emotional rom-com—but with a sprinkle of understanding, a dash of patience, and a whole lot of laughter (mostly at yourself), you can make it work. Just remember, when in doubt, make memes out of the struggles. After all, laughter truly is the best medicine—right after actually talking things out! Cheers!
Here’s hoping this doesn’t do to your marriage what an unsupervised toddler does to a birthday cake: everything will be fine… until it’s not!
Hashtags like #marriageisscary are trending across various social media platforms, sparking conversations about the challenges faced in marital relationships. This surge in online discussion is largely attributable to influencers and celebrities publicly grappling with their own relationship difficulties, fostering a broader cultural dialogue about the realities of marriage.
Marriage is not easy; financial challenges and workplace stress contribute to the complexities couples face. Yet, it’s crucial to acknowledge that numerous couples have successfully navigated these typical pressures to cultivate a healthy, fulfilling, and enduring marital bond.
Nicole LePera, a highly regarded couples therapist followed by over 10 million users across platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and X, has identified seven crucial behavioral patterns that characterize couples in long-term relationships. Her insights, reported by Fortune Well, illuminate how these couples have built strong connections, demonstrating that with dedication, any partnership can thrive.
1. Be Each Other’s Friends
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
People in long-term relationships highly value the time spent together. LePera emphasizes this, noting that couple’s happiness often stems from the joy of returning home to one another after a demanding day at work. Sharing simple activities and fostering a deep friendship forms the foundation of their relationship.
2. Go Through Difficult Times Together
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
Staying together through tough times is essential for long-term couples. Challenges can lead to moments of doubt, yet overcoming these hurdles fortifies their bond. LePera points out that couples who emerge successfully from adversity often find their trust in each other strengthened, a vital ingredient for resilience.
3. Appreciate Each Other’s Uniqueness
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
Embracing each other’s idiosyncrasies, from quirky hobbies to unique interests, is key to relationship success. LePera advises couples to recognize these traits with light-hearted appreciation rather than harsh criticism, converting potential insecurities into sources of admiration.
4. Don’t Try to Change Your Partner
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
LePera firmly advises against the mindset of “I can change them.” Acceptance and love for one another’s true self is vital for sustaining a long-term relationship. Cultivating respect and admiration fosters an environment where both partners can flourish authentically.
5. “Fight” Properly
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, but knowing how to engage in constructive arguments is crucial. LePera encourages clear communication during disagreements, emphasizing the importance of resolving irritations promptly to prevent them from snowballing into more significant issues.
6. Don’t Avoid “Complicated and Difficult Conversations”
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
Strong couples tackle challenging conversations head-on, remaining open to different perspectives, which fosters growth within the relationship. LePera highlights that emotional regulation during these exchanges ensures that discussions do not devolve into heated confrontations, contributing to a healthier dialogue.
7. Create Boundaries with Family
Illustration/ Photo: Freepik.com/Freepik
As partners intertwine their lives, managing family dynamics becomes crucial. LePera asserts that successful couples establish clear boundaries with their families to protect their relationship. This discipline manifests in avoiding the tendency to burden family members with relationship issues or making decisions swayed by familial expectations.
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