Micky van der Ven Disappointed in Munich
NOS Voetbal • Tuesday, 18:55
So, the Dutch team decided to give us a match we could all forget — and quickly! Against Germany, it was as if the players had collectively misplaced their talent in the hotel room. Micky van der Ven and the rest of the team were less than thrilled about their lackluster performance. It’s almost like they mistook the pitch for a fancy dining room, where they opted for a plate of ‘meh’ instead of going for glory!
The First Half: A Shambles
Now, let’s talk about the first half. It was so dismal that it could have even driven a cat off a fish wagon! According to data wizard Bart Frouws, the Netherlands only managed **one ball contact** in the German penalty area. Meanwhile, Germany enjoyed a whopping **eighteen ball contacts** within the Dutch penalty zone. Talk about a one-sided affair! The “shot ratio” was a brutal **8-0** in favor of Deutschland. Someone get these players a GPS, because they clearly lost their way to the opposition’s goal!
Oh, and did we mention the last time the Dutch failed to register a goal attempt in the first half was back in June 2019 against Portugal? Seriously, I’m starting to think that if the Dutch executed a perfect ‘pass the potato’ game, they might still struggle to score!
Brian Brobbey: Not Quite the Star
Then there’s poor Brian Brobbey, who had the audacity to play for **75 minutes** and only manage **twelve ball contacts**. If his game was a movie, it’d be a low-budget indie film that nobody wants to watch. In over ten years, we haven’t seen a performance so grim from someone playing a full half. At this rate, he could make a decent living as a spectator instead!
And just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, there was only one player—**Donyell Malen**—who actually got a shot between the posts. And it happened in the *90th minute*! Finally, the German goalkeeper needed to break a sweat, but he was probably confused, wondering if the match was still happening or if he’d just been given a leisurely stroll!
Koeman’s Point Average: A Cause for Concern
As for Ronald Koeman, his reign is kicking up some dust as the points average has dipped to **1.75 per match**. A touch lower than what we saw with Frank de Boer, who at least offered us a glimmer of hope with **1.87 points per game**. Last we checked, Louis van Gaal was sitting pretty at **2.4 points**. Looks like Koeman has to channel his inner magician, because right now, we need a bit of wizardry—pronto!
Look on the Bright Side (Sort Of)
Now, before we toss the team out with the bathwater, let’s talk youth! Frouws did manage to find a silver lining in the statistics: the Dutch team was relatively young. Their average age is just over **24 years**! That’s younger than many of the “experienced” players they’ll soon be calling on, like Wout Weghorst (32) and Memphis Depay (30). However, for a football team, that’s not quite “youthquake” territory. They need to grow up—fast!
In the upcoming matches against Hungary and Bosnia and Herzegovina, we can only hope the veterans step back onto the field and show some of the younger lads how it’s done. But until we see some improvement, it’s safe to say that our fans might need to invest in some stress balls!
Let’s hope for a revitalized play in the next international games because this last showing was a reminder that sometimes, even the Dutch masters can take a detour down ‘Disappointment Lane’!
