Red Devils suffer another bitter defeat against France despite a flashy first half hour

A Battle of Wits and Goals: Belgium vs. France

Ah, the UEFA Nations League, where dreams are forged, and Belgium is still left wondering what the heck went wrong. You’d think after five defeats in a row to France, the Red Devils might consider inviting their rivals over for tea instead of a game of football. Maybe they’d have better luck discussing world politics — after all, they’re failing at scoring even in a national sport.

Yellow Cards Parade

First off, let’s address the colourful aspect of football: yellow cards. We had Lucas Digne getting a head start on his collection in the seventh minute. By the time the dust settled, we had a veritable rainbow of yellows – Saliba, Tchouameni, Mangala, and even Wout Faes got a slice of the action. Honestly, I’ve seen slower card games in my grandfather’s living room. Although kudos to Tchouameni; he made quite the spectacle of himself with a state-of-the-art ’emergency brake’ tackle on Tielemans. I didn’t know pulling a player down was part of his job description!

The Kolo Muani Show

And hats off to Randal Kolo Muani, who decided to play the role of ‘the guy who ruins a good party’ with his penalty and another goal, putting France ahead 2-1. It seems he was channelling his inner villain and doing an excellent job of it! If scoring goals was a crime, he’d be serving a life sentence—and Belgium would be stuck on the jury.

A Tale of Two Halves

Now, let’s get to the heart of the matter: the first 30 minutes were so lively, you could almost hear the Belgian crowds believing they could finally take down the French. Jeremy Doku danced around Lucas Digne like he was auditioning for "Dancing with the Stars," and Loïs Openda was making runs like they were going out of style. But oh, how the tables turned!

Tielemans had a golden opportunity to kick things off with a penalty but missed it. It was almost poetic, really. Giving a penalty to Belgium is like giving an umbrella to a fish—it just doesn’t quite add up. One could almost hear the collective sigh of despair from Heysel. "He’s missed it! Welcome to the club, Youri!"

VAR: The Controversial Friend

However, when Openda finally scored to leveling the match just before halftime, it felt like the collective release of a breath held too long. A VAR review confirmed his goal; the linesman waved his flag like he was signaling for a bus. Could this mean Belgium would shake off their French curse? Well, no. That was quelled rather quickly in the second half.

A Game of Missed Chances

The second half turned into a game of who could miss the most glaring opportunities. Comedic timing aside, Openda had another shot that left the team and fans wondering if they were playing football or dodgeball, considering the way those chances seemed to slip through their fingers. They may as well have had a sideshow banner reading "Ring Toss! Win a Prize!"

With the game slipping away, Belgium rallied but ultimately couldn’t capitalize on their one-man advantage. I mean, you’d think even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while—but alas, not this evening.

Looking Ahead

As the game came to a close, the whispers in the stadium turned into echoes of resignation. Five defeats in a row against the French—a statistic that could take the thrill out of any rivalry faster than a referee’s whistle. If only Jan Vertonghen could channel his despair into some tactical analysis!

In summary, Belgium delivered an impressive performance… for a team that knew how to miss. France walked away like they had just snagged the last croissant at the bakery while Belgium contemplated a mysterious existential crisis. Let’s hope Tedesco devises a plan as foolproof as Belgium’s penchant for gourmet chocolate, because right now, they look more like a comedy of errors than the champions they aspire to be.

Conclusion

As we lay this match to rest, Belgium, perhaps take a page out of the "How to Beat France" playbook. Or just get a hard reset and try a new approach—like reenacting "The Little Mermaid." Who needs a winning goal when you’ve got gorgeous singing clams? Until next time, football fans, let’s keep the heartache intentional and the laughs plentiful!

BelgiumFrance

7′ – Yellow – Lucas Digne

22′ – Yellow – William Saliba

24′ – Geel – Aurelien Tchouameni

29′ – Geel – Orel Mangala

35′ – Goal penalty – Randal Kolo Muani (0 – 1)

45′ – Gael – Ibrahima Konate

45+3′ – Goal – Loïs Openda (1 – 1)

53′ – Yellow – Wout Faes

56′ – Yellow – Charles De Ketelaere

62′ – Goal – Randal Kolo Muani (1 – 2)

67′ – Cont. Timothy Castagne by Maxim De Cuyper

67′ – Cont. Orel Mangala by Aster Vranckx

74′ – Verv. Matteo Guendouzi by Eduardo Camavinga

74′ – Verv. Bradley Barcola door Christopher Nkunku

76′ – 2nd goal – Aurelien Tchouameni

78′ – Geel – Mike Maignan

80′ – Verv. Ousmane Dembélé is the son of Youssef Fofana.

81′ – Cont. Charles De Ketelaere by Arne Engels

82′ – Verv. Youri Tielemans chooses Dodi Lukebachio

90+3′ – Verv. Randal Kolo Muani door Marcus Thuram

UEFA Nations League – matchday 4 – 14/10/24 – 20:45

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35′

Randal Cole Muani

0 – 1

Randal Cole Muani

35′

45+3′

Loïs Openda

45+3′

Loïs Openda

1 – 1

62′

Randal Cole Muani

1 – 2

Randal Cole Muani

62′

Another bitter defeat. Despite an excellent first half hour, the Red Devils suffered another trauma against France. Openda corrected Tielemans’ penalty miss with a deserved equalizer, but a second goal from Kolo Muani stopped Heysel.

“Very curious about the analysis at halftime now.”

Signed: Jan Vertonghen on X, a few minutes after the French opening goal against the Red Devils. Because our record international had undoubtedly seen that the 0-1 did not reflect the first half hour at all.