In the days before the interview with Shahar Elbaz from “The Race for a Million”, he sounded stressed, disturbed and worried. “Today is a very exciting but also stressful day,” he explains. “This is the day I come to open a very big story of my life, and I am happy that this day has come.”
Most of the viewers at home know Shahar and his mother Ronit from the “Race to the Million” in Besket, when he ran with his mother Ronit. “A powerful and fun experience. I was hoping it would be longer, unfortunately it didn’t happen,” he says. “The beauty of my mother is that she always tells me to look at the good and what we did go through. Even though we retired, it didn’t cross my mind to be among the first to be kicked out, but I realized with myself that I really need to look at the path we went through together.”
The million did not come, but a decision to come out of the closet officially and in the media, yes. “I didn’t talk about it in the race, because I came for the experience of mother and son and to show the people watching us our values, the lightness and love between us,” he says. I didn’t want the “gay” to take the focus away from our experience in interviews and media coverage.”
Shahar and Ronit Elbaz, photo: The race for a million, Keshet 12
Homophobic attacks in childhood
Elbaz, 27 years old, was born and raised in Yehud. When his parents divorced, he moved with his father to a seat in the lowlands. “In the division they called me ‘gay’ and I didn’t understand at all the meaning of the word and how it had anything to do with me,” he recalled. “Perhaps because I was a dancer in my childhood, while my father dreamed that I would be a tennis player. One day I saw Shahar Par playing, and I decided that I started playing to prove my masculinity, and I also entered my own bubble and didn’t have to deal with them.”
Very quickly you got very high.
“When I became number 30 in Israel in the field, my father decided that he would build me a tennis court and decided that he would be my personal trainer.”
And as you progress in tennis?
“As I progressed rapidly, people, both in the environment and in sports, felt more threatened by me, and it was easiest for them to call me ‘gay’ again. For me, the best way to silence them was to reach first place.”
Did you succeed?
“Instead of 5 hours a day, I trained 10 hours just to prove to them. It took me six years to reach the top, but these are years I will never forget.”
When do you realize you are really attracted to men?
“In the 7th-8th grade I kind of started to understand, but I didn’t give it space. My mind was automatically taken to the world of sports.”
When do you give it space?
“In the 9th grade, I had a good friend and he told me that he was attracted to me and wanted to try it out. I was shocked and refused. The day after, this friend came to school wearing a cap, connected with all the bullies at school and broke up with me. That day I began to feel hostility from the whole class and at recess The kids called me ‘gay’ and that’s when I told myself I wasn’t going to continue there. I called my mom and told her, ‘Come take me now!’
How did you react when you were spat on?
“I ran away.”
Coming out of the closet: in front of friends, mom and dad
He leaves the moshav in favor of living together with his mother in Kiryat Ono, and at the age of 17 he decides to come out of the closet for the first time and this time by choice. “I felt ready, and I told three friends from tennis that I had trysts with men, and they reacted very well and accepted. One of the friends was like a brother, and that weekend we went to the north and I opened the dating app and noticed that this friend also appears there.”
how did you react
“The day after I asked him, why didn’t you tell me you were gay too? In the end we talked about it and laughed, we shared experiences in a good atmosphere.”
when are you telling mom?
“At the age of 18. I didn’t exactly tell. This information reached my sister somehow and I had a fight with her on Friday dinner and she threatened to tell everything she knew about me. I blushed from stress, started crying and went up to my mother and told her I didn’t plan to tell her like that, but I’m gay and I won’t let No one can hold me by the balls.”
How did she react?
“She told me, ‘I love you, it’s not on you, be protected’. She accepted me just the way I am.”
when did you tell dad
“I told my father at a later stage. I was sure he knew, but it turns out he didn’t, and I told myself that I would only tell him when I was in a relationship – and the relationship never came. One evening I saw ‘Colton Coming Out’ on Netflix, and I decided the day after to schedule a meeting with him. It was very difficult for me To sit in front of him at a level that I couldn’t talk to, and I told him ‘every time throughout the years I heard you say how perfect a boy I was and I felt that you were not the boy you wanted’. I told him, ‘I am attracted to men’ and I apologized.
How did he react?
“He grabbed my hand and told me, ‘You didn’t commit a crime, I’m here and I’ll support you for whatever you need. You’re the most perfect and amazing boy I could ask for. We hugged and I felt so stupid that I kept it in my stomach all this time.’
The victory on the field and the stigmas
Shahar started his tennis career as a child, and within six years he reached the top when he was ranked number one in the country. “The matter of sexual orientation did not manage me on a daily basis, and was not present,” he says. “But there were rumors.”
Were there homophobic incidents?
“I had an international competition in Kiryat Shmona and the player sitting behind me said, ‘I’m against Shahar today, I’ll never lose to this gay man.’
sweet revenge
“At the end of the game I approached him and told him, ‘Consider your words’. Being gay is not a weakness, people should stop expressing themselves like that.”
And despite everything, in real time you didn’t come out of the closet.
“In 2019 I was ranked 1000th in the world, and I wanted to officially come out of the closet. But then the corona virus started and it didn’t come to fruition.”
Why do you think tennis players don’t come out?
“I don’t believe that there are no gay tennis players but I can guess that in the end when you come out for the exciting you look your opponent in the eyes. There are still people who perceive the word ‘gay’ as a weakness. I guess that’s the reason why players stay in the closet. I believe that everyone should come out when That he will feel that he is ready and can handle it.”
Athletes and young tennis players in the closet read it. Is there anything you would like to say to them?
“It brings me back to the dawn of my childhood and I immediately remember the phrase ‘It’s okay to feel bad,’ because it’s something you experience and you have to digest. I’m happy that I was given the option to address all the children and athletes here, and it’s important for me to say – feel free to contact me on the subject I will answer each and every one of you until my last day.”
