Walter Riso: “One does not have to suffer for love, dignity cannot be negotiated”

The Italian psychologist analyzed the complexities of love with Infobae Peru, emphasizing the significance of maintaining dignity in relationships (©Wijmarkphoto)

Love, an emotion celebrated in songs, poetry, and literature, is the subject of a profound reflection that invites us to question its true nature. Is it truly an unavoidable force, or is it more of a social and personal construct?

An old salsa song states: “There is love, such a rare thing.” This feeling has been depicted as a unique and powerful experience, but some experts suggest that falling in love may simply be a biochemical phenomenon with a clear purpose: procreation.

To gain a clearer understanding, Infobae Peru spoke with renowned Italian psychologist Walter Riso, who attended the International Book Fair 2024 to present his latest work, “From Loving You So Much, I Forgot About Myself (How to Know if My Partner is the Right One).”

In an interview with Infobae Peru, the author highlighted the necessity of building healthy relationships while maintaining self-respect. (Planeta)

According to several studies, the act of falling in love is often compared to a virus. It lasts about six months and serves a biochemical function for procreation and attraction. It is regarded as an addiction, a phylogenetic emotional response.

For Riso, love is also a social and personal construction with an important cognitive dimension. While falling in love is transient and purely emotional, love is developed and experienced on a more conscious level.

“For many people worldwide, love is a source of suffering. It has become a public health problem; 60% of psychological, psychiatric, and medical consultations are related to love,” states the author of multiple books on this topic.

Moreover, the belief that love is unconditional and eternal contributes to a distorted perception, as other virtues such as justice, courage, and freedom can be equally important in different contexts.

Riso explained that while falling in love is fleeting and emotional, love is experienced consciously at a deeper level. (Freepik)

Individual and social beliefs often influence how love is experienced, and these have evolved over time, from prehistoric eras to postmodernity. For example, during the hippie era (the sixties and seventies), love was idealized under the slogan “peace and love,” which contributed to its mythification.

“The way we have been educated plays a crucial role in understanding and experiencing love. In many religious schools, it is taught that giving without expecting anything in return is important, promoting empathy and altruism,” he adds.

However, it is essential to distinguish between universal love and personal love. While universal love demands nothing in return, personal love is based on reciprocity and balance between what is given and received.

The author emphasizes the importance of self-love as a key element in avoiding unnecessary suffering in romantic relationships. (Freepik)

“The emphasis on education, particularly regarding self-love, can significantly help prevent unnecessary suffering in romantic relationships. It’s important to remember that self-love is not the same as self-esteem, which is based on personal achievements. Self-love is an unconditional acceptance of oneself, similar to human rights, which are imprescriptible. If love leads to self-destruction, it is necessary to reevaluate the relationship and prioritize personal well-being,” Riso clarifies.

In this regard, the Italian psychologist clarifies that narcissism, often confused with self-love, is a pathology characterized by egocentrism, egolatry, and selfishness. It is essential to separate self-love from narcissism and selfishness.

“Self-interest is not incompatible with concern for others; taking care of oneself is necessary to be able to care for others, as was evident during the COVID-19 pandemic,” he recalled.

Riso emphasizes that self-love is an unconditional acceptance of oneself, akin to human rights, which is essential for healthy relationships (Manoel Obando)

In romantic relationships, striking a balance between personal space and shared space is crucial. Maintaining friendships and engaging in individual activities strengthen the relationship, as trust and autonomy are fundamental pillars. Mutual admiration is also key; love without admiration is not sustainable, while admiration without love is possible.

“Routine is one of the primary enemies of relationships. Curiosity, wonder, and interest are innate emotions that must be nurtured to keep the spark of love alive. Exploration and creativity are essential to preventing monotony and strengthening the emotional bond,” he stated.

Successful couples typically possess a blend of infatuation, friendship, and tenderness. Friendship is rooted in shared interests, a sense of humor, and common goals. Tenderness, conversely, involves feeling the other’s pain and celebrating their achievements. These three dimensions are vital for a healthy and lasting relationship.

Reflecting on beliefs and behaviors in love can lead to greater self-awareness and healthier relationships.

The writer acknowledges that it is crucial to be honest and communicate feelings openly and respectfully, avoiding aggression and respecting human rights. Education about love, grounded in reality rather than myths, can prevent much of the suffering associated with romantic relationships.

Riso argues that self-esteem and narcissism are distinct, and that healthy self-love can prevent suffering in love (Freepik)

Ultimately, Riso believes that love should not be a source of suffering as it is a personal responsibility to choose happiness in a relationship. Contrary to popular belief, loneliness is not inherently negative; it can be a conscious and healthy choice.

“Being single is no longer viewed as a curse; it is now regarded as an opportunity for personal development and the expansion of human potential,” she noted.

To avoid common pitfalls and cultivate more fulfilling relationships, it is important to read about love and comprehend its complexity. “It’s essential to differentiate between idealized love and true love, accept imperfections, and promote communication and mutual respect,” he concluded.

That is the genuine essence of love: the balance between giving and receiving, in the ability to love and respect oneself and others.

<div>
    <h1>The Complexities of Love: Insights from Italian Psychologist Walter Riso</h1>

    <div class="amp_visual_image">
        The Italian psychologist analyzed the complexities of love with Infobae Peru, highlighting the importance of not compromising dignity in relationships (©Wijmarkphoto)
    </div>

    <p>
        Love, an emotion celebrated in song, poetry, and literature, is the subject of a profound reflection that invites us to question its true nature. Is it really a force that we cannot avoid, or is it a social and personal construction? An old salsa song proclaims, <b>“There is love, such a rare thing”</b>. This feeling has been portrayed as a unique and powerful experience, yet some experts suggest that falling in love could merely be a biochemical phenomenon with the primary function of procreation.
    </p>

    <p>
        To deepen our understanding of love, <b>Infobae Peru</b> spoke with renowned Italian psychologist <b>Walter Riso</b>, who was at the <b>International Book Fair 2024</b> to present his latest work, <i>“From Loving You So Much, I Forgot About Myself (How to Know if My Partner is the Right One)”</i>.
    </p>

    <div class="amp_visual_image">
        In conversation with Infobae Peru, the author highlighted the need to build healthy relationships without sacrificing self-respect. (Planeta)
    </div>

    <h2>The Nature of Love: Biochemical or Constructed?</h2>

    <p>
        According to various studies, <b>the act of falling in love</b> is often likened to a virus, lasting around six months with a biochemical basis for procreation and attraction. It is viewed as an addiction, a phylogenetic emotional response. Riso contrasts this fleeting state with a more enduring form of love that is conscious and deeply cognitive.
    </p>

    <div class="blockquote">
        <blockquote class="color_figcaption">
            For Riso, love is both a social and personal construction with an important cognitive dimension. While falling in love is ephemeral and purely emotional, love is built and experienced on a more conscious level.
        </blockquote>
    </div>

    <h2>Love as a Source of Suffering</h2>

    <p>
        “Love, for many individuals around the globe, often leads to suffering. It’s reported that 60% of psychological, psychiatric, and medical consultations are related to love,” says the author of numerous books addressing this topic. The prevalent idea that love is <b>unconditional and eternal</b> contributes to misconceptions, as virtues like justice and freedom play significant roles in various contexts.
    </p>

    <h3>Social Influences on Love</h3>

    <p>
        <b>Individual and social beliefs</b> significantly influence how love is experienced, evolving from prehistoric times to postmodernity. During the hippie era of the sixties and seventies, love was lauded under the banner of <b>“peace and love,”</b> which contributed to its mythification.
    </p>

    <div class="blockquote">
        <blockquote class="color_figcaption">
            The way we have been educated plays a crucial part in understanding and experiencing love. Many religious teachings promote giving without expecting anything in return, fostering empathy and altruism, Riso explains.
        </blockquote>
    </div>

    <h2>Universal vs. Personal Love</h2>

    <p>
        It is essential to distinguish between <b>universal love</b> and <b>personal love</b>. While universal love requires no reciprocity, personal love thrives on balance and mutual giving and receiving.
    </p>

    <h3>The Importance of Self-Love</h3>

    <p>
        Riso emphasizes the importance of <b>self-love</b> to prevent unnecessary suffering in romantic relationships. He clarifies that self-love should not be equated with self-esteem, which is often based on personal achievements. Instead, self-love is an unconditional acceptance of oneself, akin to <b>human rights</b>.
    </p>

    <div class="blockquote">
        <blockquote class="color_figcaption">
            If love leads to self-destruction, it’s crucial to reassess the relationship and prioritize personal welfare, Riso advises.
        </blockquote>
    </div>

    <h3>Narcissism vs. Self-Love</h3>

    <p>
        It’s important to differentiate between healthy self-love and narcissism, often confused with the latter. Narcissism is characterized by egocentrism and selfishness, while self-love enables care for oneself and others.
    </p>

    <h2>Maintaining Healthy Relationships</h2>

    <p>
        In love relationships, a balance between <b>personal space and shared experiences</b> is vital. Engaging in individual activities strengthens bonds, establishing trust and autonomy as foundational elements. Furthermore, mutual admiration is essential; love devoid of admiration isn't sustainable, although admiration can exist without love.
    </p>

    <div class="blockquote">
        <blockquote class="color_figcaption">
            Routine is one of the main enemies of relationships. Curiosity and creativity must be continuously cultivated to keep the spark of love alive, Riso asserts.
        </blockquote>
    </div>

    <h2>Components of a Strong Relationship</h2>

    <p>
        Successful couples often exhibit a combination of infatuation, friendship, and tenderness. Friendship stems from shared interests and common humor; tenderness involves empathy and rejoicing in each other’s successes. These dimensions are crucial for a healthy, lasting relationship.
    </p>

    <h2>Practical Tips for Building Healthy Relationships</h2>

    <ul>
        <li>Prioritize <b>communication:</b> Be honest and express feelings openly.</li>
        <li>Embrace <b>self-love:</b> Accept yourself unconditionally to foster stronger connections.</li>
        <li>Avoid routine: Introduce <b>novelty</b> into your relationship to maintain excitement.</li>
        <li>Establish <b>boundaries:</b> Balance personal time with shared experiences.</li>
        <li>Practice <b>mutual respect:</b> Each partner’s feelings and rights must be acknowledged.</li>
    </ul>

    <p>
        “Reflecting on one’s beliefs and behaviors in love can lead to enhanced self-knowledge and more fruitful relationships," Riso believes. He advocates for an education centered on love that acknowledges its complexities to alleviate the suffering often associated with romantic entanglements.
    </p>

    <div class="amp_visual_image">
        Riso argues that self-esteem and narcissism are not the same, and healthy self-love can prevent suffering in love (Freepik)
    </div>

    <h2>Rethinking Singlehood</h2>

    <p>
        For Riso, love should not be a source of suffering; it’s a personal responsibility to cultivate happiness within a relationship. Interestingly, loneliness is increasingly seen as a positive state—an opportunity for personal growth rather than a social stigma.
    </p>

    <div class="blockquote">
        <blockquote class="color_figcaption">
            “Being single is no longer viewed as a curse, but rather as an opportunity for personal development and the expansion of human potential,” he elaborates.
        </blockquote>
    </div>

    <h2>Common Misconceptions about Love</h2>

    <p>
        To live more fulfilling relationships, it’s crucial to educate oneself about love’s complexity. Riso emphasizes the necessity to distinguish between <b>idealized love and true love</b>, to embrace imperfections, and to cultivate open communication and mutual respect.
    </p>

    <h3>Final Thoughts on Love</h3>

    <p>
        The essence of love lies in balancing giving and receiving, along with the capacity to love and respect oneself and others. By fostering self-awareness and understanding the nature of love, individuals can embark on a journey towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
    </p>
</div>

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