2024-05-11 04:25:35
- Author, Marie-Josée Al-Qazzi
- Role, BBC News Arabic – Beirut
-
6 hours ago
The Lebanese were shocked a few days ago by the news of the discovery of a gang using social networks to stalk children, molest them and sell recordings of the crime on the dark web.
Security forces suspect the arrested human trafficking gang of committing several crimes, including luring, drugging, rape and blackmail.
As investigations continue to uncover those involved, the case is causing great concern, with families fearing similar crimes might happen once more.
The question that dominated the streets and social media in recent days was how to protect children from any attempts at aggression or luring, and how parents can recognize the signs that may indicate their children are being harassed. , whether online or in reality?
We asked psychotherapist Maria Magdalena El Khazen to answer questions regarding parents’ biggest fears and how to protect children from danger.
Since the age of three
Psychologist and psychotherapist Dr Maria Magdalena Al-Khazen says that awareness is essential and must start from a very young age, “when the child reaches the age of 3, that is to say when he begins to discover the functions of his body and when he begins to have some autonomy, such as going to the toilet alone or… “Wearing his own clothes”.
Al-Khazen says parents should “take the opportunity during this stage to introduce the child to what the sanctity of the body means, how his body is his property and no one has the right to see it or touch “. He also “cannot see or touch anyone’s body.”
She emphasizes that the child must be taught that this does not only apply to strangers, but also to those close to them.
She notes that all of this should of course happen through pleasant conversations, not through language that includes intimidation or threats.
She adds that the conversation regarding these rules “develops based on age, and parents choose the appropriate words for the appropriate age.” Parents should introduce the idea of types of contact as the child gets a little older and talk to them regarding it. contacts that he feels are uncomfortable.
Trusting our children’s intuition
Al-Khazen advises parents to encourage their children to trust their intuition. “Children are very sensitive and can often tell the difference between someone they feel comfortable with and someone who makes them uncomfortable.”
She emphasizes that parents’ trust in their child has benefits that help to strengthen their self-confidence and make decisions in their life.
It should be noted that there are scientific books, applications or video clips on the Internet that teach children regarding acceptable and unacceptable touching and other issues related to the sanctity of the body, which parents can use to educate their children .
These awareness videos are adapted according to the target age group, so they are adapted to them and easy to learn.
Al-Khazen, however, stressed the need to verify the source of the information and its validity before taking it into account.
She emphasizes that parents build a good and strong relationship with their children from a young age and in simple and “unimportant” areas, so that the child can be sure that he can tell his mother, his father or another adult he trusts, that something suspicious has happened to him.
She emphasizes that communication between parents and their children should be continuous and start even with small things that the child may consider very important.
She says: “At the beginning of a child’s life, everything that happens is very great and boring, even if the adult finds it very ridiculous.”
She advises parents not to underestimate the child’s small problems, because they are the cornerstone of their relationship with him and the trust he places in them so that he feels safe.
Embrace Difficult Discussions
image source, Avg. P.A.
Parents’ stressful and hectic life circumstances may prevent them from focusing on the child’s simple needs or spending enough time establishing communication with the child.
Dr Al-Khazen said in her interview with BBC Arabic that parents cannot be blamed, especially when they have many responsibilities, but she advises “parents to be truly present in their children’s lives and to devote enough time to them, despite the pressures.”
She says: “How will the child trust us to tell us that he has been exposed to a frightening situation, if we have not paid enough attention to him when he previously told us regarding a less important subject?
She also draws attention to the fact that parents think that the child is not aware of certain sexual matters, but this may be inaccurate.
She says discussing sensitive and delicate topics, such as sexuality-related topics, with children may not be easy for parents.
She adds: “The child may ask a curious question that indicates his need to discover his body or that of another, but the parents may react violently, preventing him from thinking and asking the questions that come to him. mind, under the pretext that the subject is not suitable for his age.
She emphasizes the need to avoid reactions that might make the child feel rejected or ashamed. Stopping a child from talking regarding a certain topic doesn’t mean they will stop thinking regarding it.
She adds: “The problem is that he will try to get answers from other sources, which may be bad, or weave some theories from his imagination that do not correspond to reality or are even worse than She”.
It also indicates that he may ask questions regarding a specific topic because he has been exposed to a situation or witnessed something.
She explains that the child’s question is not very difficult most of the time, so parents don’t need to be nervous regarding their children’s questions, because most of the time, the child’s question child is very specific and he doesn’t want to know all the details. .
Difficult topics for parents are not limited to topics related to sexuality, but also those related to death, the presence of evil in the world and evil people.
How are children chased away?
Dr. Al-Khazen says the majority of child molesters take their time planning to gain the targeted child’s trust and try to get closer to them, and they may also try to get closer to their family, which constitutes a preparatory stage. .
She adds that aggressors are “people who know how to play the role of a ‘loving and gentle personality’ to dispel suspicion, in order to gain the trust of children, their families and those around them, according to Al. -Khazen. They can try to position themselves as a reference for the child and offer help to the children.
She warns that those who sexually harass children may intimidate or threaten them so they don’t tell anyone what happened.
One of the things they say to the child they molested is, “Your parents won’t believe you if you tell them,” or they threaten the child with harm or harm to his parents. They may also threaten him that if anyone finds out what happened, he will be imprisoned, or that his family will go to prison.
Al-Khazen confirms that the child’s fear of telling his parents regarding what he was exposed to allows the criminal to continue his crime and gives him the ability to psychologically control the child even following the assault has ended. .
Does the child show any behavioral signs?
Al-Khazen confirms that behavioral signs always appear in a child following being exposed to sexual harassment or assault. However, this varies from child to child.
She adds that parents should notice “any changes in the child’s behavior or treatment.” She continues: “He may withdraw into himself, interact excessively with people in a sexual manner, or indulge in sexual temptations. »
They may also notice “a change in his grade level, or a change in his bodily functions, such as nightmares or involuntary urination, or a change in his appetite for food, or stomach pain, or an unexplained high temperature.” . , or he becomes nervous or distracted. » Very sad or sad.
She points out that this also comes with a feeling of shame and embarrassment, but that this is not often publicly visible.
Al-Khazen says these signs are not necessarily the result of sexual violence, but they are certainly an indication of psychological suffering or psychological pain that requires attention.
In its guide to symptoms by which parents can notice the possibility that their child is exposed to harassment or sexual assault, the American association “The Whole Child” indicates that the fact that the child refers to parts of the body by new names may be one of the indicators of this.
She adds: “His reluctance to take off his coat or jacket, even on a hot day, or his insistence on wearing multiple pairs of underwear.”
The American association Stop It Now also points out that children imitate the sexual behavior of adults using toys.
What should I do if my child is attacked?
Therapist Maria Magdalena Al-Khazen says the main factor that helps a child following being exposed to a similar event is the feeling of being welcomed by their parents.
The family must assure him that “he is not alone, that they believe him, that they are on his side and that they should not discuss it in a way that makes him feel blamed, guilty or accused “.
The survivor, male or female, of the assault must also be referred to a psychologist.
She points out that parents, in turn, will have to deal with many negative feelings, including fear, guilt and helplessness.
She adds that in this case, all family members can undergo psychological treatment aimed at families, as well as their other children, even if they have not been victims of harassment.
Al-Khazen believes that parents should consult a psychotherapist to deal with their feelings of suffocation, so that they do not blame each other for what happened, so that they do not implicitly also blame the child and to help him get over what happened.
Is the child recovering from the shock?
Psychotherapy confirms that with treatment, the child can first get rid of the feeling of shame, which is considered “the worst thing he feels following being exposed to trauma.”
What the child was exposed to “falls into the category of shock or trauma, and there are many designated treatments for these cases. The appropriate treatment is chosen for each child based on their condition,” according to Al-Khazen.
She adds: “He can certainly get through this, even if we can’t undo what happened. The most important thing, according to Al-Khazen, is “that the survivor knows that what happened to them does not determine their worth.” or his identity, because the painful event he faced does not shorten his life or his being, nor does it determine his future or his destiny.
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