Expressing true love that has a deep meaning goes beyond complying with the social tradition of exchanging gifts and sharing a romantic dinner, The couple needs to cultivate emotional responsibility throughout the year and not just on a specific date. according to the psychologist and psychotherapist Marta Martínez Novoa.
It is a fundamental pillar of every relationship and a key requirement for its members to know how to “give and receive good love,” according to Martínez, who has a degree and master’s degree in Psychology, with extensive training in anxiety disorders, relationships, and gender violence. and self-esteem, who is dedicated to caring for patients in consultation.
“Affective responsibility is the awareness that every act we perform in a relationship, especially in relationships, has consequences for the other person,” he points out.
“It simply consists of maintaining fluid and honest communication regarding what each party in the relationship wants or regarding any behavior or decision that someone makes that affects the relationship, because those involved deserve to be aware of the current state of the relationship,” explains Martínez. author of the book Let it be good love.
“Adequate communication is essential to understand others in the links you maintain with them.and not end up once more and once more in the same circular conflicts with a partner or friendship that has little or no emotional responsibility,” he indicates.
“If you don’t know how important it is to communicate properly or how it is to be communicated with you, it will be very difficult for you to identify lack of respect or empathy, or know how to respond to them to escape toxic relationships,” he points out.
Signs of irresponsibility
“Unfortunately, toxic attitudes are increasingly common and emotional irresponsibility is the new pandemic of love,” according to this psychologist.
For this reason, he recommends “learning to recognize these irresponsible attitudes, in order to escape from those relationships; protect and guard once morest bad intentions; and ensure that the damage to our self-esteem is as little as possible.”
“Confronting problems without taking the other person’s emotions into account, actively listening to them or taking responsibility for one’s own actions, trying to get by or avoiding the discomfort of sitting down to talk by putting all the cards on the table, are signs that one does not understand oneself. They are resolving the couple’s conflicts in an emotionally responsible way,” he explains.
He punishment of silenceconsisting of one of the people involved in the link beginning to ignore the other without the ignored person having any idea of what is happening or knowing why this change in attitude is due, or pretending that nothing is happening when there is a Conflict and sweeping it under the rug are other signs of irresponsibility in emotions, he adds.
Justify what happens in the relationship through personal circumstances; focus on being right; Making individual decisions without consensus or avoiding certain topics are other indicators of an irresponsible attitude, according to Martínez.
“If ever a person with whom you were very happy suddenly disappeared: if an ex-partner with whom you had a very bad time ends up having an affair to get back together; or if he feels stuck in intermittent relationships in which he only receives crumbs of affection, it means that he has come across people who lack emotional responsibility,” he warns.
He explains that sometimes emotional responsibility is confused with continually giving and demanding unnecessary explanationssweeten these explanations so that they do no harm and treat us as if we were fragile like glass, but that would be equivalent to infantilizing us and keeping us in the middle, eliminating any hint of naturalness in the bond.
In reality, this type of behavior reflects a phenomenon of poor bonding of the members of the couple, which is based mainly on relating from the need to cover shortcomings or, directly, from those shortcomings, according to Martínez.
Actively listen to the other.
We must understand that “love does not harm and we have the right to claim that both the love we give and the love that is given to us is good love. The fuel to build and keep that love going is that the couple knows how to actively listen to each other,” he highlights.
“To have emotionally responsible relationships, it is essential to know how to listen actively,” Martínez emphasizes.
He explains that listening “is a central element of assertive communication that we sometimes forget, because we assume that communicating is just talking. But to know how to speak and respond you have to listen properly.”
Active listening is one in which we not only pay attention to what the other person is telling us, but we also let them know that we are present, that we care regarding what they are telling us and that we are understanding them or doing everything we can. for understanding it, according to this expert.
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