2023-12-24 04:25:53
23/12/2023
The child God, who does not abandon Colombia (despite the fall in the Gross Domestic Product), has decided to make an effort this year to give bonuses to some of the most distinguished public figures. The following are the gifts:
For Gustavo Petro
The “don’t get lost” kit
This is a complete set that includes knee pads (so that he does not disappear once more for 8 days like he did in October due to a scrape on his knee), a box of Noxpirin (for the flu that keeps him away from work so much) and a small portable coffee maker so that your addiction (“the only addiction I have is to coffee in the morning”) does not make you miss important work days.
For Laura Sarabia
A suitcase with double security code
To prevent him from falling into trouble once more, his bonus will be a suitcase safer than the vaults of the Bank of the Republic. The manufacturers guarantee that you will not lose your dollars once more. And we get rid of having to call the bodyguard, give the babysitter a polygraph, and we even save the skin, and the life, of one or another member of the security force.
For Armando Benedetti
The Ministry of the Interior of Liberland
Among the requests, the child God found that Armandito wanted the Ministry of the Interior as a bonus. For now, the one from Colombia is not yet available because his former assistant Laura Sarabia does not want to see it even in painting.
For Daniel Quintero
Coupons for lunch at El Corrientazo
Tremendously distressed because the young Quintero will no longer be able to use the petty cash of the Mayor’s Office of Medellín to pay for that Tomahawk meat worth half a million pesos that he likes so much, the child God thought of giving him this juicy ticket holder with 50 coupons.
For Nicolás Petro
Memory pills
Let’s see if he remembers that it was he himself who told the Prosecutor’s Office that Gustavo Petro, his father, knew regarding the entry of billions of pesos into his campaign for the Presidency, not reported to the CNE. Those pills are powerful and, taken honestly, might even overcome that memory crisis that occurred when his father-president visited his house.
For Jorge Carrillo at EPM
A master’s degree in haute couture
So that he can perfect the art of arranging bidding documents just as he did with the ‘tailor documents’ in the bidding for the final works of Hidroituango.
For Fabio Rivera and Jaime Cuartas
Ancheta with Desitin, Sulfaplata and Cream #4
An intensive treatment to cure the tremendous burns suffered on October 29 by these two chiefs who lived happily at the expense of the city and the Council in these four years. And if the pain is still too much, they are given the address in Miami of the political guru who led them to this disaster, in case they want to go greet him and ask him to account.
For Álvaro Leyva
Top of the line armor
At his age, the wooden shields of the “front line” are not enough. That is why the child God imported armor from France so that he can carry out his self-imposed task of “defending the President” even above the laws of the country.
For Luis Pérez
an abacus
So that the next campaign can count the votes better. Because in this one he swore he would get 1 million and he barely reached 600,000.
For the ‘team Daniel Quintero’
“Quinterwood”: mini recording studios
An entire recording studio that will allow you to mount the campaign for the 2026 Presidency as if it were 100% real. The studio has a complete team of extras to ride candidates on the shoulders and launch the characteristic colored smoke of the ‘Quintero team’, as well as X-shaped warehouses, even the ability to stage a car run over the candidate.
For Juan David Duque
The visa for the paisa country
For those who do not remember him, he was Daniel Quintero’s private secretary and was declared unworthy by the Medellín Council. After the scandal, a publication of his on Instagram came to light in which he said that the Council had given him Paisa nationality. But he turned out to be half fake. Which is why his bonus is going to be an original passport from the Paisa country, with a separate appointment to request the entry visa (although the child of God cannot guarantee that they will give it to him).
For France Marquez
A manual for ‘living tasty’ in Cauca
The vice president has shown her ability to say “you can cry” or “you can cry” to escape the criticism that is leveled at her. This practical guide has suggestions so that she can really move the Government to fulfill its promise that in Cauca they can also live tasty.
For Lucas Cañas
Vaccine for the “Lucas” virus
This vaccine is blessed to reduce the “Lucas” fever that causes so much madness. As you may remember, the former president of the Medellín Council used a billboard with a $100,000 bill in his campaign, on which Lucas Cañas and the phrase “Lucas for all” appeared instead of Carlos Lleras. Neither Cañas is Carlos Lleras, nor is offering money – whether subliminal or as a joke – the way to do politics.
For Medellín
A rue bath
To put an end to that bad energy of two finals lost on penalties.
For John Charles From there
A good trova course
It is not unreasonable to think that Upegui lost the Mayor’s Office because of that unforgettable trova session he did on Juanpis González’s program. Lesson number 1: trova must be improvised.
For Wilmar Roldán
Glasses with VAR technology
It would not hurt the Antioquian referee to avoid repeating in 2024 controversies as bitter as that of the Argentina-Uruguay match, the expulsion of Dorlan Pabón or the gesture of Cristiano Ronaldo.
For Albert Corredor
A tour of public schools in Medellín
This is a gift with a face of penitence: so that he can see first-hand how the city’s schools were destroyed while he “scrounged” the money in the campaign and other things.
For Gustavo Bolívar
The book “Without votes there is no paradise”
In this book you will find the reason why wineries on social networks or frontline armies are not enough to be elected. There are politics beyond the X network.
For Dorlan Pabón
Your technical director diploma
He showed his vocation – but not his effectiveness – when he managed the changes to coach Autuori in the League final of the first semester once morest Millonarios.
For Shakira
Another thing to keep billing?
For the waste of creativity resulting from spite, which made some people applaud and others criticize it.
Para Elon Musk
Nothing is given to him because he is the child God
Musk, the richest in the world, owner of the X network and deeply involved in artificial intelligence… without words.
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