2023-12-12 14:13:56
Always well put together, polished language and PHD en story-telling perso : you have mastered the art of freeloading wonderfully. But have you ever spent a summer off the coast of Sifnos, aboard a friend’s yacht? No ? Here’s how to do it.
Photo caption: EDITOR’S NOTE_ We present to you the friendly Kevin Kreider from the TV show Bling Empire, the only participant who is neither the child nor the spouse of a billionaire.
The little silver spoon? Not in your mouth. It’s an art to enjoy the futile pleasures of existence without spending a cent. To take your share of opulence, you have developed a stratagem worthy of a professional, you are a true luxury squatter. Here are your skills revealed in broad daylight:
1) YOU DID LV1 NETWORKING…
…And LV2 cheek. Your LinkedIn is almost as impressive as your grandmother’s social directory. At this stage of social manipulation, being in the right place at the right time is no longer enough. You also have to talk to the right people and then show off. This world belongs to physiognomists, and you are one of them. “ Wouldn’t that be Luca Magliano’s bestie over there? », two kisses in the wind later and you are invited to Tuscany in January 2024 for Pitti Uomo 105. It’s only natural.
2) ALFRED IS YOUR CANTEEN
Your name has never gathered dust on a waiting list. You’ve been missing deadlines since you came to Loulou’s house with the gang in Quenard. After the month of September at La Chambre Bleue and the fusion cuisine of Cloche in October, you have found your new HQ. Alfred and his Gâtinais Farm Chicken every Friday have got the better of your habits. The bill ? Not a problem since you shared a key with Théodore Mahoudeau. It’s the house that delivers!
3) YOUR VINTED IS SEMI-PRO
The outfit makes the monk. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise. Having the Lyonnaise Lohi Bahia as a friend is not a bad idea for keeping up with the trends. But the must-have-friend remains the fashionista Marine Terriblement who no longer has room in her closet. Subscribed to dupes, you wander through vintage clothes hoping to be scouted on every street corner. In the meantime, you have developed a business on Vinted that would make Inditex pale. Resell the goodies received as gifts? Of course.
4) YOUR INSTAGRAM HAS ITS OWN CARBON BALANCE
You post so many stories that Meta threatens to charge you a server cut. Certainly your myth must be maintained, but don’t become an attention seeker. Being desired remains the best way to arouse curiosity. Bet on super aesthetic reels for each address you visit and do name dropping every time you speak. You will one day end up on the guestlist of a PR who is a little too naive. Work hard, lie hard.
5) THE REAL ESTATE CRISIS? DO NOT KNOW
A good luxury squatter does not set foot on the RER. No need since he lives in Rivoli while paying a rent worthy of Cergy. How ? A good old sublet in exchange for services. Make mezze platters for your influpotes in your 65m2it’s well worth the math support for the concierge’s children and plenty of shopping for the little old man from 6e. This will balance your karma at the same time.
6) NEXT STOPS : SCOPELLO ET HYDRA
It’s when you are invited to Villa Cristina to end the Indian summer in Sicily that you are proud of yourself. Same thing for the invite to the Cotommatae in Hydra for the new year. Not everything is free, you will still have to make two or three posts on the networks. Don’t forget to have a coffee at “O Piratis”, it’s totally the place to show up. But please, delete the “paid partnership” mention, it sounds really low cost.
7) YOU CLINQUE AT THE HOTEL DE BOURRIENNE
It was last month and the wine was excellent. The 2023 edition of the Moët et Chandon evening brought together beautiful people, and you knew it. Chic evenings of this style should not be ignored. How do you get in? Friend of friend of friend? Yes sometimes. Escorting? No Still not. Admit that sometimes the best way to get into these parties is to work there. Or more simply: know the house and take the back door.
Verdict: If you practice at least three of these techniques, you are a parasite of this society.
Par Fanny Mazalon
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#Test #luxury #squatter
