2023-10-06 21:07:20
Photo-Illustration: Vulture; Photos: Getty
Taylor Swift will perform at the Super Bowl in 2025 — I’m calling it now. The main reason why one of the biggest pop stars on earth hasn’t played America’s biggest stage yet has to do with its main sponsor (Pepsi) and her preexisting relationship with its competitor (Coca-Cola, namely, Diet Coke). But now that that deal has presumably ended, and Apple Music is pulling the strings (Swift once feuded with the streaming service but made amends, later starring in one of its early adsif you recall), it’s time for Swift to make her big debut. She’s already the face of Sunday Night Football, thanks to her rumored boyfriend, the Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce, and the Swifties are locked in on the pigskin sport. I believe Swift is regarding to embark on a year-and-a-half-long journey to Caesars Superdome in New Orleans on February 9, 2025. Let’s map out the hypothetical road to Taylor Swift’s halftime performance, including how every publicist’s new favorite tight end plays into it.
October 27, 2023 — 1989 (Taylor’s Version) release
You can count on Swift showing up at a few more home Chiefs games sitting with Mama Kelce ahead of 1989 (Taylor’s Version)’s release later this month because having a very public, very large boyfriend who is a man will stave off resurfaced Gaylor chatter around tracks like “Wonderland” and “I Know Places,” as well as any that might pop up in the vault tracks.
October 28, 2023 — Saturday Night Live
Since the Screen Actors Guild strike is ongoing, actors cannot promote projects on late-night variety shows (which are kosher to air now that the WGA strike is over), but Swift can! At the very least, expect to see Travis Kelce on one arm (and Sophie Turner on the other) as she exits her limo to attend an SNL following-party. Given the limited supply of celebrities able to appear, Kelce making a return to sketch comedy is not out of the question.
November 9 – 26, 2023 — The Eras Tour: South America
Once Swift is in the clear (yet good) from promoting her fifth rerecording, she’ll be back on the road completing the South American leg of the Eras Tour while Kelce is in the thick of the NFL season. There will be plenty of postgame questions regarding whether Kelce misses Swift while she’s on the road, and he will say whatever Tree Paine tells him to say. The NFL TikTok account will change its bio to “We miss Swift” — you get it.
February 4, 2024 — The Grammy Awards
Expect Kelce to fade into the background during Grammy campaign season. Swift will go full serious-musician mode once more as she campaigns for Midnights. Maybe she’ll dine at Via Carota with Bruce Springsteen or Stevie Nicks to remind everyone that she’s a musical legend and not just a superstar pulling the strings of the second-largest sports association in the world.
February 11, 2024 — Super Bowl LVIII
Plenty of news outlets will run hundreds of stories with the headline “Will Taylor Swift Show Up at the Super Bowl?” and the answer is, of course, no. She will be in Tokyo for the Asian leg of the Eras Tour the night before. This will throw people off the scent of her long game, of course.
March 10, 2024 — The Oscars
It doesn’t seem likely that Swift will make it to the Academy Awards because her Eras Tour stops in Singapore, but what a missed opportunity! This is her first year as a voting member of the Academy, and she’s a director now.
May 6, 2024 — The Met Gala
Swift’s calendar is open, tourwise, so I firmly believe she will be there next year. In line with the real-life replay of her previous Eras, the last time she attended the Met Gala was in between 1989 and Reputation, when she co-chaired in 2016, debuting her short-lived “Bleachella” look. The most T-Anon Swifties believe this look was meant to mark the beginning of her “Karma” era — the alleged scrapped rock album. Others think that the metallic bleached-blonde look was the way she ushered in Reputation … Kelce has also never walked the Met Gala’s steps, and I’m sure his camp will lobby for an appearance, and possibly their red-carpet debut. Vogue will have a livestream of Karlie Kloss all night, coincidentally.
August 15, 2024 — The Eras Tour: London
While Swift performs in her ex’s hometown for the second time, concluding the European leg of the Eras Tour, she’ll announce Reputation (Taylor’s Version). Sort of a big ol’ “Look What You Made Me Do” to Joe Alwyn, as revenge for the ways he allegedly leaked their breakup to the press before she was “Ready for It.”
October 25, 2024 — The Eras Tour: New Orleans (A REALLY BIG DAY)
Swift will perform at the Caesars Superdome in New Orleans — the very stadium in which the Super Bowl will be held in 2025. The halftime show performer is usually announced in October, and while this is a little late given the past few years, Swift will certainly want to announce the news on her own terms. Her positive PR from NFL fans will be at an all-time high, so expect something extra couple-y to happen between her and Kelce surrounding this announcement.
November 1, 2024 — The 2024 election
Going full galaxy-brain Swiftie-neoliberal here, and this is not entirely related to the Super Bowl, but … this purple-state tour date is dangerously close to the 2024 election. The Indiana U.S. Senate race in 2024 is wide open following one-term incumbent Mike Braun announced he’d be running for governor. Swift made it clear on the album Lover that she loves gay guys. While Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg said he wouldn’t be running in Michigan (the home state of his husband, Chasten) in 2024, he has not ruled out a run for Senate in his home state of Indiana. I fully expect Mayor Pete to make an appearance at the Eras Tour in Indianapolis (and maybe even Joe Biden). Kelce will not be in attendance.
November 2024 — Reputation (Taylor’s Version) release
Swift will pad a few weeks following the election in case its result causes a nuclear war, then she’ll heal the Earth with the vault tracks on Reputation (Taylor’s Version). If it’s a big blue wave and gay rights sweep the land, maybe she’ll feel bold enough to finally reveal which supermodel half of the album is allegedly regarding. Fans will start to wonder why she’s been so quiet regarding Taylor Swift (Taylor’s Version) …
February 9, 2025 — Super Bowl LIX
… At Taylor Swift’s halftime show sponsored by Apple Music (and you have to assume Capitol One and The Summer I Turned Pretty)she performs snippets from all of her Eras, leaving Taylor Swift for last. (Outside surprise songs, her debut album was left off the otherwise all-encompassing Eras Tour.) During an emotional performance of “Tim McGraw” (he’ll be in the audience, and the camera will cut to him, etc.), Swift will pause to a say few words regarding owning her own music and announce that, in the process of the six existing rerecordings, she was able to buy back the masters for Taylor Swift. Fireworks! Feminism! It’s the most-watched Super Bowl halftime show of all time! Kelce’s job is complete, and we all sing “I Forgot That You Existed” to Sunday Night Football.
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