2023-09-24 13:23:42
The first time I puffed on a joint, I was 14 and I was in 3rd gradee. Like all teenagers of this age, it’s simply to test, to see the effects. In my memories, the 3e is one of my best school years: I am popular, sociable, I have decent results. All of this is very paradoxical, because 14 is also the age when I lost my father. He committed suicide and, behind him, he left nothing, no letter. Would I have tasted smoke if my father hadn’t died? I honestly think so. Would I have become addicted? This I do not know. My sister never fell into it.
In high school, my consumption remained recreational, but it increased significantly. I see myself once more with my group of friends gathering during work hours or before the start of classes to share a firecracker. At that time, I never smoked alone but I initiated a lot. At the end of my final year, I obtained the precious sesame, my scientific baccalaureate with honors. And there is a big void: I can’t plan ahead. I have always had academic facilities and I have the impression that I am expected to do what, in the collective imagination, is described as “major studies”. The problem is that I don’t aspire to a math prep course, nor to study medicine, nor to go into finance, nor to go to business school. On the other hand, I feel the need to leave at all costs. So in October, I’m flying to a distant country.
For a year, I lived on an island. I am enrolled at a university where I take English courses for foreigners. But I don’t like this experience on the other side of the world, I’m bored. At that time, I hardly smoked anymore, only when the opportunity presented itself. But one thing is certain, in my consumption, there was a before/following this trip. Years of therapy later, I think my depression was already latent. I then had neither my mourning nor my teenage crisis.
When I return to France, I am still so lost. It’s hard to admit that I didn’t like this year of travels. Added to this, I can’t find my hard core of friends, scattered around for studies, and I still don’t know which branch to choose. So, on the advice of my mother, I enrolled in a law degree. It seems that the law opens many doors. I’m a little older than my classmates and the lessons are much too theoretical, my math mind is deeply bored. The year is complicated, I’m not working. Like many, I’m typing once more.
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