2023-06-30 23:26:57
In question, according to these sympathizers? His attitude, during the white march in tribute to his son, organized Thursday, June 29, would not be what is expected of a mother who has just lost a child. If she was very moved and touched, she also displayed smiles, greeting and thanking the crowd who came to support her, while demanding justice for Nahel.
However, this attitude is “not at all surprising”, confides to HuffPost Marie-Frédérique Bacqué, a clinical psychologist, professor of clinical psychopathology at the University of Strasbourg and specialist in bereavement. “It’s an attitude that can be found following a sudden loss. Mourning a child is always extremely difficult. There is a situation of disbelief that can last from a few hours to a few days. »
“In general, when we hear such news, we do not believe it at first. It takes some time to integrate the information that calls into question, in the case of Nahel’s mother, 18 years of existence. The problem is accepting the reality of death. And in the majority of cases, we accept it when we see the body of the deceased, ”she adds.
No grief software
Alain Sauteraud, psychiatrist specializing in the subject and author of the book Living following your death: Psychology of bereavement (ed. Odile Jacob), recalls that there are “an infinity of different bereavements”: “There is one death per minute in France, and yet, no two bereavements are identical. There is no software. At the same funeral (those of Nahel will take place this Saturday, July 1, editor’s note), we see people who have very different emotions. »
The way we react to the loss of a loved one depends on a multitude of factors: the relationship and history that we have with the deceased, their age, the circumstances of their death… Even if some feelings can take precedence over others.
In the cases of expected deaths, the one that dominates is rather the relief, “linked to the fact that the person no longer suffers”. If the death is sudden, the bereaved person faces shock. And in the case of the loss of a child, “a state of amazement predominates”.
“There is a mixture of very diverse feelings which follow one another and overlap from the announcement of death. Sadness, of course, but also anguish, anger…” Anger that can take over in cases of death that seem particularly unfair.
And not being sad doesn’t mean you’re not. Several emotions are present simultaneously, but the brain is taken by the one that dominates. “The specific symptom of mourning is neither sadness nor collapse,” explains the psychiatrist. “It’s the state of craving. Following a traumatic death, he is not necessarily in the foreground. He’s hidden. »
A situation not conducive to mourning
According to Marie-Frédérique Bacqué, the situation in which Nahel’s mother finds herself, who is at the center of attention, does not help her to mourn. “She is carried by a crowd which supports her, which transmits to her that the death of her son is revolting. When you don’t have the opportunity to gather with loved ones, it can take a long time to access feelings of sadness, ”she believes.
Her attitude is sometimes found in the mothers of soldiers, according to the researcher, who put aside pain and grief to express their anger or their feeling of injustice when the war has taken away their child.
As for laughter, it is not necessarily associated with joy. It can be an unconscious psychic defence, as can be observed during certain funerals, but also the sign of group excitement, of tension… “Unconsciously, Nahel’s mother can seem joyful and carried by the movement », Analyzes the researcher before estimating: « But she must be going through something extremely stressful. »
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