2023-05-14 19:13:14
Notice to all single Jews in their late thirties (and others): your mother will (very) soon tell you regarding it in a conversation
Meet THE great love. The famous Holy Grail, soul mate, his/her bashert*, his half. At a time when the very notion of the couple is being deconstructed, it is this vast subject of the romantic encounter, universal if ever there was one, that Jewish matchmaking. Recently released on Netflix, the series is the version oy vey of Indian matchmaking, huge success on the platform and who was interested in dating in India and the United States. Beneath its superficial reality TV false airs, Jewish matchmaking offers a refreshing look that de-dramatizes the difficulties of dating in 2023. It also offers a window on the ancestral Jewish tradition of shidduch*, which finds relevant echoes in modernity.
First there is Aleeza, the dating coach. Aleeza Ben Shalom, the soul and the heart of these 8 episodes. Empathetic, funny, intelligent, caring, Aleeza’s mission is to coaches a whole range of people looking for a soul mate and above all to put them in contact with other single people corresponding to their expectations. Ori, Israeli-American, 30 years old and who still lives with her mother (who is very very present in her life choices, to go following the cliché). Dani, a young bachelor from Miami (and who has an Instagram account documenting her eyebrows. Yes.) Harmonie, a forty-something who hasn’t settled down yet and who dreams of having a
child. A diverse cast and very different socio-educational profiles, navigating between several American states and Israel. The series also has the merit of offering a rather diversified representation of Judaism, with liberals, Orthodox, “flexidoxes” or even very very Orthodox. Aleeza Ben Shalom, of Orthodox obedience herself, is otherwise very benevolent and inclusive; respectful of individual differences.
“Date ‘em till you hate them”
In her book “Why love hurts, the romantic experience in modernity” (Editions du Seuil), the essential Franco-Israeli sociologist Eva Illouz evoked the difficulty of romantic encounters in the era of the commodification of love: “How do you know if this person is and will remain the right one? One of the most fruitful ways of understanding the transformation of love in modern times is through the notion of choice. It is not only because to love is to distinguish one person among others (…) it is also because to love someone today is to be constantly confronted with choices.
The choice, now infinite thanks in particular to dating applications, to find someone else. The fear of committing. It is precisely here that Aleeza, with her experience in the coaching in love, does not hesitate to advise his “students”; sharing all that the wisdom of the Jewish tradition can bring them in the conception of what a lasting romantic encounter can be. When there is doubt, there is no doubt. “Date ‘em till you hate them” , literally “meet them until you hate them”. Basically, as long as you’re not sure whether it’s yes or no, you have to persevere, one of Aleeza’s sound advice. Always equipped with her little notebook, she notes the specificities of each person, their paths, their expectations, their doubts.
The series also popularizes, without being too didactic, important concepts of Judaism such as tikkoun olam where the chomer negiah (respectively the “fixing of the world” and the fact that some orthodox Jews do not have physical contact with any member of the opposite sex except their husband/wife). Not seeking to be exhaustive, Jewish matchmaking is a good example of smart, well-crafted entertainment. Notice to all single Jews in their late thirties (and others): your mother will (very) soon tell you regarding it in a conversation.
Jewish matchmaking, 8 episodes, on Netflix
*the Yiddish term bashert usually translates to “soulmate”
*The Shiddouch is a dating system in which Jewish singles are introduced to each other in Orthodox Jewish communities, with the goal of marriage.
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