Definition: what is a threesome?
Also called “triolism”, “sexual trio”, “threesome love” or even sometimes “threesome” (in Quebec), the threesome involves an intimate relationship between three people. “It is generally a couple to which a third partner is added, but it can also be friends or sexfriends who embark on the threesome experience”, presents Christelle Faure.
Threesomes as fantasy
Threesomes are among the couple’s greatest fantasies. 83% of men and 31% of women have already fantasized regarding a threesome, according to a study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior (source 1).
How to have a threesome and what positions to adopt?
The threesome lends itself to multiple interpretations and variations. The practice can indeed take place between two men and a woman (hhf), two women and a man (ffh), three men (hhh) or three women (fff). “And if everyone probably has their threesome preferences, everyone agrees to have fun together”, notes the sexologist.
As for the possible sexual positions for three, there too, several combinations are possible such as doggy style in double penetration (the man penetrates one of his partners, and the last participant does the same with a dildo) or even the double spoon (the three participants are placed on the side, all looking in the same direction. The two partners located at the end of the chain can caress or penetrate the person in front). Christelle Faure completes: “In this configuration of three, there is no privileged position. The exchange must work on desire, on instinct. Not everyone has to be active. Two of the partners can for example make love side-saddle, while the other observes (Candaulism). »
To know also, “the partners can choose to stop at mixing, that is to say at the foreplay (oral caresses…) or to go as far as swinging if they go as far as penetration. »
Can we talk regarding a multiple relationship with the threesome?
“Although by definition, a threesome is akin to a relationship with multiple partners; in practice, however, it is something else. The threesome, for example, has nothing to do with the gang bang : situation in which several people engage in sexual activity with a particular individual sequentially or at the same time.
The threesome is indeed more in a idea of sexual communion, even sensual if it does not suppose a common life or a long-term relationship, as is the case for the threesome. “As for the orgy, the threesome also comes close by its definition of “group sex (source 2)” but in fact, it often involves more than three people. It will therefore not necessarily be assimilated, ”specifies the couple’s sex therapist.
The benefits of threesome sex
In a recent study conducted by The Archives of Sexual Behavior, “threesomes would be perfect for exploring one’s sexuality and represent a good alternative to traditional monogamy” (source 3). We tell you more regarding the why and how below.
The threesome: ideal for breaking up with the sex routine. After several years of a relationship, the sexual routine can indeed set in and kill desire. “Changing your sexual habit by adopting threesomes will allow you to stir up new desires without going through the box of infidelity and guilt. Provided, of course, that everyone gets something out of it and that it happens with mutual consent, ”continues Christelle Faure.
To gain complicity: “If done with desire and mutual respect, the threesome can really strengthen the couple’s bond. Each of the two partners will share this little secret which can be used to boost the libido followingwards. »
To get to know yourself and satisfy your sexual fantasies. This sexual experience with a third person allows you to learn more regarding yourself and your lover: “In a threesome, the lifting of inhibitions generally pushes the partners to try things to which they seemed reluctant or unwilling. would not even have considered doing, ”reports the sexologist. Whether in a mixed couple (hf) or a homosexual couple (ff; hh), threesomes are an opportunity to give birth to and satisfy new desires. “Threesomes can also be the acceptance of bisexuality but in a way that is integrated into the couple,” adds Christelle Faure.
Threesome, where to practice it and how to find partners?
Depending on preferences, the sexual threesome can be practiced in the intimate sphere, at home, or in a libertine club.
How to find the third person?
Whether you are in a relationship or single, there are several techniques for finding one or more partners who are into threesomes.
Libertine sites. It’s the safest and fastest way to find play partners, whether you’re a couple or solo. The reason is simple: people go to these kinds of websites to satisfy the same desires as you. “This tool also allows you to discuss a little before getting started and to validate everyone’s expectations”, explains the sexologist. And in the libertine community, it is sometimes better to make sure because the sexual horizons can be wide!
Classic dating apps. Lazy to create a profile? Go to speed dating apps, which are not specialized in threesomes, but which can also lead to beautiful exchanges, depending on the people you meet. “Option all the same reserved for those who do not have too precise criteria, or who like sex in all its spontaneity; because you won’t really have time to discuss”, nuance Christelle Faure.
The network of friends. Research can also be done more spontaneously, in a circle of friends for example. “Obviously, don’t come up with a threesome at the end of a meal, without knowing if your loved ones practice this kind of activity; at the risk of it happening like a hair in the soup. On the other hand, if around you, you know people who are sexually open, or practicing libertines, why not ask them if they are interested. Knowing the person who will join you can give you confidence, ”illustrates the sexologist.
Libertine clubs. By definition, libertine clubs are the perfect place to meet one or more partners for a threesome. Finally, you still have to dare to push the doors of one of them, but inside, be sure that you will be spoiled for choice!
The chance of the evenings. Rather rare but not impossible, it happens that an evening can get out of hand and you find yourself in a threesome, without really knowing how it happened. If it happens: let yourself go provided you want to and take certain precautions with respect to STIs (sexually transmitted infections) in particular.
The prerequisites for making love at 3
Want all three of them. As with all sexual practices, consent is the basis to engage in a threesome. If you are in a relationship, the desire must come from both partners: “Never accept a threesome to please your partner, at the risk of losing confidence in yourself and/or in the other, to create jealousy or even frustration…”, warns Christelle Faure.
Communicate and define your limits before, during and following. “There is a world between the universe of fantasy with which the threesome is associated, and reality. At any time, each of the partners involved in the threesome relationship must therefore be able to stop the experience. A visual or gestural code system, like a look or two taps on the shoulder, can be defined beforehand by the couple,” adds the sexology professional. It can also be interesting to meet up with three before starting the sexual practice in order to set some rules : go to orgasm or not, allow yourself or not to send text messages following practice, see each other once more and repeat the threesome… “The framework will of course be different according to the profiles but what really matters : is to express it clearly. Do not assume that others can guess it, ”says Christelle Faure.
De-dramatize. “Having small flops like a sexual breakdown, when you make love in threesome, it’s normal. The important thing is not to dwell on it but rather to reassure your partner to restore their confidence. If necessary, it will be better to stop the exchange and come back to it later rather than continuing the exchange, at the risk of creating more blockage. »
Learn regarding the subject. Several books deal with the practice as a whole. Specialized forums and podcasts are also interesting media for discovering and deepening the art of threesomes.
Take advice from a professional. A visit to a sex therapist can be beneficial to the couple who wants to get started or who already practices the threesome. “It will be an opportunity to reframe its limits according to the risks associated with it such as jealousy or the feeling of betrayal, among others”, clarifies Christelle Faure.
“If the threesome happens repeatedly with the same partner, why not include the latter in this meeting in order to be connected all along the line. »
Sexual threesome: a pleasure party not without risks
it is not not recommended for all couples. “If it is fragile, be careful: it’s the best way to make things worse,” warns the therapist.
“If you use the threesome to ‘cheat’ your partner with their permission, the risks of losing their trust are also strong. The couple must remain at the center of the practice. »
It is also important to know the strengths and weaknesses of your romantic relationship and to put a point of alert if there is an overflow because above all, the threesome must serve to enjoy and not to fall in love. »
Another aspect to take into account during a threesome is health. “The condom remains the best protection to avoid a unwanted pregnancy and transmission of STIs. Do not trust what each partner can say, even if you know them well: protect yourself, ”insists Christelle Faure.
Finally, if threesomes can be practiced in a soft way, it can also be an opportunity to rub shoulders with a more transgressive universe: domination/submission (BDSM), candaulism, gloryhole (practice which consists of making a hole in a wall or a partition allowing the insertion of a penis in order to have sexual intercourse with the person on the other side or to receive a blowjob)…
It will therefore be essential to clearly define your expectations and perhaps useful to think twice before embarking on a threesome.
