Friends, toxic colleagues and other narcissistic perverts are not the only ones to ruin our lives. Zoom on the passive-aggressivewhose frequentation can be toxic…
What does passive-aggressive mean?
For the little story, we attribute the paternity of the expression passive-aggressive to American military psychiatrists during World War II. They had then noticed that some soldiers refused to obey orders but, rather than express it verbally, preferred to adopt a nonchalant and passive attitude. Qualified then as behavior of “passive resistance” or “reluctant obedience”, we now also speak of masked insubordination or even avoidance strategy… The passive-aggressive is the one who says “yes” but who, in reality, thinks “no”. He tends to hide his feelings because he does not own them Passive-aggressive behavior is not considered a disease but a personality trouble.
At work, in love, in family… The passive-aggressive personality can noticeably affect any type of relationship. If it is difficult to establish a list of precise ‘symptoms’, here are different passive-aggressive behaviors which can be observed:
- He refuses to submit to authority but without saying so clearly
- He provokes anger and incomprehension among his interlocutors.
- He is in denial; he does not realize his behavior.
- He lies.
- He dislikes change, to the point of fiercely resisting it.
- He handles sarcasm and insinuations, even if it means causing tension.
- He expresses his disagreement through innuendo and non-verbal communication.
- He victimizes himself and feels persecuted.
- He criticizes others a lot.
- He tends to sabotage his relationships and his social life suffers.
- He tries hard to seem stoic, “normal”.
However, passive-aggressive people are not intentionally harmful. Most commonly passive-aggressive behavior is a defense mechanism – partially aware – that these types of personalities develop because of psychological problems deeper. “This refusal of authority coupled with the fear of autonomy are most of the time linked to the notion of parental authority”confided the clinical psychologist Maïté Tranzer to the magazine Marie-Claire, referring the origins of passive-aggressive behavior in childhood.
If you recognize yourself in any of the characteristics listed below, there is no need to panic because there are different cases.
- Passive-aggressive behaviors, which can be used in certain situations.
- Passive aggressive personalities, which are permanently.
In fact, it is normal to recognize yourself in certain passive-aggressive behaviors if they are temporary… but you have to worry if you reproduce them continuously!
The problem with these types of people is that they have a tendency to be obsessed. Even more so when exercising authority. If you are confronted with a person suffering from this personality disorder, it is better to go gently and take care of your susceptibility at all costs because it will take much longer than an average person to recover!
The best way to help him?
- Give him the impression that he is useful in order to restore his self-confidence.
- Encourage him to formulate what is wrong.
- Do not give in to his provocations and make him understand that his passive-aggressive behavior is problematic
Once the passive-aggressive has become aware of his toxicity and shows himself eager to get out of it, the consultation of a specialist and the follow-up of a therapy will be able to help him.
Read also:
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Is my family toxic?
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What is Dissociative Identity Disorder?
