Actually, FPÖ politician Norbert Hofer wanted to start with his own dietary supplement “Formula Fortuna”. But the happiness pill only had to be recalled shortly following it was launched. Numerous consumers report worrying side effects.
PINKAFELD – It’s eerily quiet in front of Norbert Hofer’s house. The curtains are drawn. A swollen pizza floats in the pool. His dog “Jessy” drives up and down with the lawnmower tractor and guards the area. The ex-FPÖ leader shields himself from the public. The disgrace is too great. The side effects of his dietary supplement “Formula Fortuna” are just too devastating. But what happened?
Patient Patrick Murauer is one of hundreds of those affected. With a pained face, he reads the leaflet: “If your right arm doesn’t go down following several hours, consult alternative medicine. For risks and side effects, ask your shaman or hold a live press conference with Dr. Marcus Franz.”
Murauer’s right arm has been sticking up for twelve hours now. “I just wanted to be very, very happy, so I crushed seventeen pills and sniffed them.” But instead of happiness, the little pill only brought him a lot of pain. “Where should I please work with a permanently outstretched arm, well, except in parliament and in all state legislatures?”
Clinically tested
Heil Hitler instead of healing – a serious accusation that Norbert Hofer’s press team does not let sit: “The preparation was tested in the laboratory on monkeys and on FPÖ politicians, Hitler salutes only occurred in the last test group – even among those who took the placebo got.”
We meet Hofer suntanned in a deck chair in his garden. Next to him are three empty packs of Formula Fortuna and an empty bottle of vodka with Vladimir Putin’s personal dedication. With a blissful smile and huge pupils, he stares into space. His right arm is stiff and shaking. The top politician has crashed, not for the first time.
Hofer hands us a draw tube. “You’ll be amazed at what’s possible,” he smiles blissfully. After five minutes we feel the first effects – a tightening of the corners of our mouth makes us smile for hours, we open our eyes and find ourselves on board a Cessna 172 piloted by Hofer above the clouds of Pinkafeld.
Powerful ingredients
An analysis of Checkit! shows: The preparation consists of 99.5% conventional blackboard chalk, added are cornflower extract (Gorilla Glue x Lemon Skittelz), a ginseng and a highly potent globule extract. The packaging warns of addiction, Hofer himself has been addicted for 23 years. As a young man, he drifted into the drug milieu (FPÖ Burgenland) early on. He hopes to be able to afford addiction treatment with the proceeds from his drug in the near future.
Not the first
However, “Walter White from Burgenland” (quote: Formula Fortuna brochure) is not the first FPÖ politician to sell a medical product. As early as 2016, Heinz-Christian Strache sold his “Fideles flaky nose powder”, which was only approved by the authorities in the Managua district in Nicaragua. “And I’m currently working on a stretching machine that makes you 30 percent taller,” smiles Herbert Kickl before he climbs into a relabeled penis pump for dwarf hamsters.
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