Enjoying praise and acceptance from others is natural and healthy. But if this desire for approval becomes a need, you will be doomed to discomfort and unhappiness.
Feeling flattered and accepted by others is a very satisfying experience. It’s not a bad thing to want another’s approval. However, if you feel upset or frustrated when you are not accepted, it means you need approval.
When being recognized by others becomes a necessity, we subordinate well-being to the opinions that others express regarding ourselves. This condition usually develops in people with low self-esteem.
There are strategies that help deal with this situation. Below, we present some of them and help you identify the symptoms of people who need approval.
What is the need for approval?
According to psychologist Wayne Dyer (2010), the need for approval is equivalent to the affirmation that what others think of us is more important than the opinion we have of ourselves. This means that our value depends, to a large extent, on the approval of others. So much so that it becomes a condition for feeling good.
Keep in mind that wanting other people’s approval is not a bad thing. It is even undeniable that flattery pleases the greatest number. However, it becomes a problem when it is a need rather than a want.
When seeking approval is a must, you give a part of yourself to others. You only feel good with their support or praise. If you don’t have their approval, then you will feel discomfort and frustration.
What are the symptoms ?
Recognizing a problematic approval request is vitally important for sounding the alarm and implementing coping strategies. Below are the main indicators of this condition.
Afraid to express one’s own opinion
People who need approval tend not to oppose the opinions of others. And this, because they are afraid that the other will be angry or ridiculed. They want to please the other and not feel judged.
Emotions and self-esteem depend on approval
The mood of the person depends on the treatment he receives from others. In other words, if the person does not receive any compliments, they will feel sad, angry or frustrated. Everything you say to her will affect her self-esteem.
The inability to say no
Those who feel a strong need for approval are usually insecure. For example, they are unable to say “no” when asked for a favor. They therefore sometimes sacrifice their activities or their rest.
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Excessive concern with looking perfect
The need for approval drives a person to want to be perfect at all times. This is because she thinks that otherwise people won’t want to spend time with her.
Sacrifice of spontaneity
A person who needs approval always seeks to appear correct and hides aspects of her personality that she considers undesirable for the society. The reason is her excessive fear of being rejected or being criticized. This measure ends up being a great source of long-term discomfort.
How to manage the need for approval: 4 tips
Now that you know which are the most important symptoms of the need for approval, discover some effective strategies to deal with this situation and to feel better regarding yourself.
1. It’s impossible for everyone to like you, and that’s okay.
Start to accept the fact that a lot of people won’t agree with you or understand you. Likewise, you won’t understand many people around you either, and you don’t have to understand everyone. We’re all different.
2. Talk
In the face of criticism from others, speak up to break the chain. In times like these, think, “It’s his business, it has nothing to do with me.” This will help calm the discomfort felt. What they think will only affect you if you allow it.
You’re even more likely to start realizing that important people (friends and loved ones) love and accept you more when you don’t care to disagree with them.
3. Work on self-esteem
This is one of the best coping strategies you can apply, because lack of self-confidence is one of the main causes of the need for approval.
Start creating positive thoughts regarding your value. Assume that you are a valuable person, trust your skills and abilities. Start changing your mindset.
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4. Replace questions with affirmations
Identify the number of affirmative sentences you say and the number of questions. Try to come up with more opinions than questions. For example, instead of saying “What a great movie, isn’t it?” say “What a great movie!”.
If you’re still asking questions, it means you’re looking for approval. This reflects a lack of confidence.
Why is it important not to give in to the need for approval?
The importance of coping with this situation lies in relieving mental and emotional discomfort. If you start working on it, you will start to notice positive changes.
You will develop a greater sense of happiness. If you assume that other people’s opinions are worth more than your own and you don’t get their approval, you’ll feel depressed, guilty, and unworthy. By letting go of these bonds, you will be responsible for your happiness and well-being.
You will not be manipulated by others: the need for support and approval can be a means of manipulation. The greater the need for flattery, the more easily you will be manipulated. Any step towards independence and self-approval takes you away from the control of others.
You will achieve your personal goals. If you face a need for approval, the goals you set for yourself will be more difficult to achieve, since you have been conditioned to need the support of others to accomplish something. Once this condition is overcome, you will feel freer and stronger to achieve your dreams.
The need for approval can be overcome
Overcoming the need for approval takes practice and effort; it is not something that happens overnight. But it is not impossible.
Dealing with this situation will certainly be easier for some people than for others. It is even likely that some require the help of a psychotherapist. If you feel this is a daunting task and beyond you, do not hesitate to seek professional help.
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