Valentine’s Day is a day in which many celebrate love. But what regarding those who suffer from heartbreak? For example, those who experience a breakup and feel that it is difficult for them to overcome the loss of their “better half”. With thousands of hearts still adorning shop windows and restaurants and hundreds of online offers from the love weekIn this health blog post, we are going to talk regarding what healthy mourning is like following the end of a relationship and what feelings we should keep at bay (because avoiding them is not always easy), according to several Mental Health professionals from the Ribera health group.
phases of a broken heart
Sofía Carazo, psychiatrist of the University Hospital of Torrejón, remember that “a sentimental break means the loss of a bond, so overcoming it entails a necessary mourning process.” And it is that all the specialists attribute the same phases to sentimental mourning as to mourning due to death:
- Shock, if the break is unexpected.
- Denial
- fear and/or sadness
- Anger and/or anger
- Lack of control, negotiation
- Acceptance
They also explain that, as in the loss of a loved one, not all people go through each of these phases, neither in the same order nor with the same intensity.
Common feelings in a breakup
Emotions such as anger, anger, guilt, sadness, confusion, frustration, loneliness, disappointment, nostalgia or jealousy can be part of any of the phases of grief, even accompanied by physical symptoms such as tiredness, anguish or a feeling of a knot in the stomach, lack of energy, insomnia and crying. They are not pleasant feelings nor do they make us feel good, because we associate them with loss. However, professionals assure that, even from their negative approach, they can help us overcome the breakup.
Marta Marcos, psychologist at the Department of Health of the Vinalopo, explains, for example, that “sometimes these emotions help us distance ourselves from our ex-partner, and that, in turn, allows us to make changes for the better in our way of life.” In other words, he adds: “if we know how to manage it and not remain anchored in those emotions, they will propel us towards acceptance.”
Ana Isabel Velasco, a nurse at the Mental Health Hospitalization Unit of the Torrejón University Hospital, agrees with her. “These feelings are often necessary at a certain moment for healthy mourning,” she explains, and warns that “sometimes, people tend to anesthetize feelings, avoiding experiencing emotions that are necessary,” Velasco says.
Thinking of revenge: yes or no
Marta Marcos, a psychologist from the Department of Vinalopó, explains that the desire for revenge is generated from “the need to repair the damage that a person feels they have suffered.” However, she emphatically affirms that “it is not an adequate strategy to advance in the acceptance of the breakup and that, in addition, it will make it difficult to conclude the mourning process in a healthy way in sentimental losses.”
Ana Isabel Velasco, for her part, reflects on how a continuous desire for revenge “can foster the appearance of emotional instability, from lack of control and anger” and, in addition, pose a problem when it comes to rebuilding love life. “The desire for revenge indicates that anger has become a problematic emotion and that psychotherapy may be necessary,” explains this inpatient Mental Health nurse.
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